I’ll admit it, I’ve done the online dating thing before. And because technology is so wonderful, the internet knows this about me. So, the internet wants to help me out by showing me internet dating site advertisements ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Not that this gets bothersome or anything. I love all the false hope, empty promises and unrealistic portrayals. Love ‘em.

What I’ve noticed lately about all these ads is these couples look freakishly alike. Have you noticed this? And don’t pretend you haven’t seen these ads. I can’t be the only one who has ever reached this level of desperation. And if I am, humor me and pretend you’ve been that desperate.

Anyway, it’s starting to freak me out how much these people look alike. Because if I’m supposed to find the man that looks exactly like me, I’m in trouble. That is going to be one very unattractive dude. These people could be brother and sister they’re so similar. And I’m not about to go there. ICK!!!

But this made me think about our heroes and heroines. How do we know when these characters pop up that they are right for each other? How do we pair them up? Many authors write a series of connected books in which they take one character from a current book – say the hero’s best friend – and make him the hero of the next book. Usually, that means the author then has to *find* him a heroine.

If he’s Alpha, he’ll need someone to stand up to him and perhaps smooth out his rough edges. But the last thing he needs is a woman who won’t challenge him at all. If he’s Beta, he’ll need someone to give just the right kind and amount of encouragement to find his Alpha moment. A woman to balance out his sensitivity and love him just the way he is. This works in the opposite direction as well.

If a heroine is timid, she needs a man to bring her out of her shell. But a man who will see the woman hiding inside. If the heroine is bold and outspoken, she’ll need a man who can appreciate her, not try to hush her up and most certainly, not let her walk all over him. Now, this all sounds perfectly logical, but then you have to create them – height, hair, eyes, laugh, wit, intelligence, attitude and overall personality. Here’s where I’m thinking it gets tricky.

What if you’ve created these two you think are perfect together and at the 2/3 point of writing the book, they tell you they are absolutely wrong for each other? What then? So far, my characters have gelled together quite well. No complaints, no tantrums, no “I can’t work with this person!” moments. But it could happen. *cue duuuuummmmm dad um dum music* I think the Captain’s paranoia is rubbing off on me.

Is it just kismet that these characters show up together or the right one shows up at the right time? Or do we make them fit together? Is there a character fairy who comes to us writers in the night, sprinkles character fairy dust on our heads, and gives us these wonderfully compatible people? Or is it a crap shoot?

If you’re a writer, how did you create your characters and how did you know they were meant for each other? If you’re a reader, have there been couples that you’ve thought didn’t work together? Any that you think are perfect and you couldn’t picture them with anyone else? And if you have a significant other, do people tell you you look alike or are they usually amazed that you two are a couple?

PS: I obviously stole the above picture from eHarmony but I’ve given them a great deal of money in the past and got not one date in return. I think we’re even…

I love a good mystery. In fact, I love a good mystery almost as much as I love a good romance. (*gasp*). Sherlock Holmes, James Bond, Dick Tracy… Nancy Drew. I confess to having seen practically every episode of Law and Order, some multiple times. I admit to adoring The Usual Suspects and The Fugitive. The whodunit aspect keeps me thinking, wondering, and engaged.

There is something about sitting down to watch or read a good mystery that gets all the brain cells working. It’s as if the story is challenging me to figure it out before it gives me the right answer. I get the same thrill when I watch Jeopardy, trying to answer the questions before the contestants. No one can hear me (at least I hope no one can hear me talking to myself), but I know if I got it correct faster than the other guy. And when I do, I feel a sense of elation. I won, at least in principle.

Reading mysteries is a little trickier because I have the answer to the whodunit right there in my hand. If I REALLY wanted to know whodunit, I could simply skip to the last couple chapters and piece it together. Yet, even when I do give in and read the end first – yes, I admit it, I have done that before – invariably I feel cheated. But, really, who cheated me? I did, and that’s the worst kinda cheating.

So, I try really hard to tough it out and figure it out on my own, fair and square. Sometimes you just have to be firm with yourself.

In the current overhaul of my WIP, I see a space for a mystery plot. In fact, I think it would be a great addition and something fun to write.

However, as I sat down to puzzle it out, I realized that writing a mystery is even harder than solving a mystery. In my case, I’m hoping to include a murder mystery. So, this isn’t just a “where did my heroine leave her glasses” kind of problem. Someone dies and I need to figure out who, what, when, where, and why as well as the how. Add that to all of the motivations in the romance portion of the plot and I’m going to need a map and GPS to get out of this story.

While puzzling over all these logistic details, I have the additional concerns of a mystery reader. I hate mysteries I solve too fast. I want a challenge. In fact, I don’t mind being outsmarted if the end result makes sense upon reflection. I’m trying to figure out a plot that isn’t obvious, that makes sense, but that feels fresh to both me and my reader. This seems to center around finding an unlikely, but believable, villain.

Having to defer to the mystery plot is a little frustrating as well. The romance is supposed to be number one, but I’m finding, when it comes to plotting, the murder trumps the love. I guess I have to smooth in the love around the murder.

So, it’s your turn, lovely wenches. If you’re writing a mystery plot, how are you doing it? What characters make unlikely, but good villains? What are some good motivations for murder? Anyone else yell out the answers to Jeopardy?

By the way, I know I said I was going to blog about babies and puppies this week, but alas, it wasn’t to be. Here’s something to tide you over, though.

So the Romance Writer’s Revenge is a rather large ship. All these masts and riggings and decks are too much for five little writing pirates to maintain. Have you ever swabbed a deck? It ain’t easy! We can’t be spending all of our time on upkeep and not enough on our most important task – writing. Yes, Captain, drinking rum is important but it’s not most important. Damn lush..

Anyway, I had the idea we need to fill out the ranks, so to speak. I happened to know Powder Monkey Lisa has a rather large collection of – what shall we call them – resumes on hand. Yes, resumes. Hot, steaming, oiled and wet resumes. So, we started there and each Sunday we will introduce a new member of the crew.

For our first introduction, we had to present the men who truly inspired all of this pirate mayhem. The men originally of the Black Pearl and now sailing the Romance Writer’s Revenge.

Ah, Captain Jack Sparrow. A cheeky, often feminine, at times inept pirate but always entertaining. Jack has that gleam in his eye that tells you he could do amazing things to and with your body and a smile that makes you want to give him the chance to show you. His compass may not point north but it’s not north you want him to be finding, now is it?

Then there’s Will Turner. Pretty to be sure and it’s true he started out a lowly blacksmith, but through his veins runs the blood of a pirate and the pretty boy has become a sex-on-a-stick pirate if there ever was one. His sensitive heart, unwavering loyalty and willingness to truly “give his heart” for his lady makes him a vital part of any sea-worthy crew.

There you have them, the true inspirations for much of the tawdry business we get up to around here. And the inspirations for many a wet drea…..errr….dashing hero. We hope you’ll sail with us during the week and we promise another titillating Hottie Crew Member of the Week next Sunday. Trust me, you won’t want to miss it. *wg*

Now, we’re off to entertain our guests…

I grew up in a loud, rowdy Irish Catholic family characterized by equal parts healthy debate (read: scream until you’re red in the face arguing) and side-splitting hysteria. My father had to be the funniest person I knew and my mother was his constant straight (wo)man.

Therefore, I love to laugh. In fact, I would say that my life is defined by laughter. I laugh at crazy times. For example, after breaking a nail which in turn runs my hose which in turn causes me to change my outfit while running incredibly late only to find that the baby needs a diaper after he’s already in his coat and now we’ll never make it on time to church (again), I laugh. When I make a long list to go to the grocery store, only to leave it on the counter, but at least I remembered to put on my lipstick, I laugh. In fact, I laugh while sitting in traffic when people behind me honk as if that is just the catalyst to get the rush hour traffic in NJ jumpstarted. Oh, and I still laugh every time I tell my husband that my nose is running only too hear him say, “you better go catch it, ha ha ha.” (Yeah, it’s just as stupid sounding in person, trust me, but that’s why it’s funny). I just enjoy the amalgam of irony, sarcasm, and slapstick ever present in the world around me.

What does this have to do with writing, you ask? So far it just sounds like I’ve flipped my suburban housewife mind, you say. Not at all. Well, maybe, but that’s a different blog.
Today I want talk about how humor affects my writing. And, because we wenches here on the boat tend to drag the rest of you down with us, by default I’d like to know how humor affects your writing as well.

So many authors do comedy in romance well. Julie Garwood, Julia Quinn, and Sherrilyn Kenyon, to name a few of my favorites.

I think some of my WIP is funny, but I am not sure that I’ve set out to make it funny on purpose. This frightens me a little because humor is such a subjective thing. What I think is funny might leave others cold. I worry about putting humor in on purpose because then I feel like it sounds forced. On the other hand, if the story is playing out in my mind as I am writing it down, removing stuff that I think is funny because I’m worried it really ISN’T funny leaves my voice sounding stilted and forced too. *sigh*

Ultimately, I think “funny” is just something that is. It isn’t something you can force to be in your voice if it isn’t there naturally and it isn’t something you can take out of your voice if it’s there of its own accord.

What do you think about humor in novels? What makes it work, what doesn’t work? Who do you think does it well or not? I think we’re a funny bunch of aspiring pirates. Does that humor show up in your novel(s)? Finally, does anyone else laugh in traffic? Oh, it’s just me huh? Whatever people….

Really, what better way is there?

Last night, right before midnight, my contest deadline hit. And I’ve gotta say, I’ve written better. I’ve written a helluva lot cleaner. And I’ve done a better job with characters. But I tried something new. I blazed a path I hadn’t taken before and wrote in third person. I can’t say that it was fun. But I pushed through it. I learned that I’m a first person writer. That’s for sure. I learned that I can write 20,000 words in 12 hours if it’s after midnight. Most of it was crap and had to be revised, but I put an END on it and went about my merry way rewriting and revising to the point I was cross-eyed.

I’ve spoke about winging it before. Winging it is more like controlled chaos (okay no such thing). I’m a pantser. I wing my blogs. I wing my way through writing. And I wing my way through life (most of the time). I suppose that just shows you that I like to break the rules. So if I have to learn something, well, I just do it. I had no idea how to write in third person. I had no idea how I was going to write a story in 18,000 words or less. I really didn’t know what I was going to write about. I wrote the end, then wrote another ending. Changed the beginning- oh I dunno- six times. Took scenes out. Added them back in. Jumped POV (really, the ability to jump POV is not a good thing for me. I’m seriously ADHD with POV’s) and decided that maybe an erotica in first person would’ve been a better choice.

*sigh* Then I figured that might get kinda pervy and ditched that idea.

All the while, I was working my buns off mentally to get this story right. I had my characters right. I could see them in my mind’s eye. I could hear their voice. Interacted with them while I was sleeping. Spent countless nights being up until way past my bedtime with the laptop on and the Word document up. Discovered a new love for heavy metal cellist. And Borders’ clearance sales. All the while, I was thinking about my story. How was I going to make it work? How was I going pull it together when I couldn’t fight my way out of a paper sack at this point?

I wanted to give up. I even thought about it a few times. More than a few times. It would’ve been easy to pretend the file went “poof” and not be able to write another one. But all things good in life are hard to come by. A story is the same way. You never know when it might come to you on how to make it click. In my case, it was 3am on Monday night last week. I had to write it down on my notebook on my nightstand and I woke up the next morning looking at it like it was written in code.

So I guess the point to this most irrelevant blog today is if you don’t succeed the first time, you better not pretend like you lost the file and walk away. No matter if there is chaos going on inside of that little pantser mind of yours. Keep thinking. Keep going. Don’t give up. Believe in yourself.

My question of the day is: Which POV do you prefer to write in, first or third? Why? And have you ever tried the other just to see what you could do?

I’m not a fan of oatmeal. Never have been: gluey, paste-colored stuff that could double as much for mortar as the breakfast of champions, but unfortunately, it’s healthy. Loads of fiber, long lasting qualities, and less likely to cause jean shrinkage. Twinkies were more my gig as a kid. Light, fluffy, full of preservatives and sugar. No nutritional value whatsoever. Unfortunately, much more likely to cause jean shrinkage since it takes loads more Twinkies to equate to the fiber quality of a bowl of oatmeal. (But you can’t say I didn’t try.)

This is the parable of Oatmeal versus Twinkies.

Oatmeal is…what you should do; and Twinkies are…what you want to do but really doesn’t show any obvious benefit in any way. But in the world of diets, there is room for both; and though the Twinkies must be moderated much more than oatmeal, there is something to be said for them.

So everyday, you’re committed to your oatmeal, what must be done. Everything that must be done, and that includes prescribing to the best of all Nora Commandments: sit and write, regardless of Muse ‘inspiration’. In this, the oatmeal is what we need. We need to sit and write, no matter what; God knows not everything you’ll write will be brilliant. Or even remotely readable. But every day, you get up and eat your oatmeal. It’s good for you and will contribute to an overall healthy life.

But don’t forget about the Twinkies.

In moderation, a Twinkie now and again will contribute to your overall morale (God knows my morale is improved if I have a Twinkie to look forward to), and will make the oatmeal a bit easier to choke down in the morning. And what is it we want to do when faced with a story that won’t write itself? What’s our Twinkie? Yes–getting away from the computer.

Obviously getting away from your computer sounds counterproductive to writing your book–but that’s where you’re wrong. This is about inspiration. This is about FINDING your muse rather than waiting for it to return. Please note: getting away from the computer is different than just ignoring your laptop at home and watching North & South for the 100th time. Richard is not going to say anything new. Neither are your nearest and dearest–they’re likely to just grunt, dirty up the dishes and throw underwear on the floor. Hardly conducive to writing about love and romance.

You’re writing about the human experience, so you need to go out among other humans and experience it. Pretend it’s an anthropology project and you’re studying a new culture. Just exactly what sort of breed frequents Barnes & Noble and lurks at the Starbucks. Besides you, obviously. Or better, go somewhere outside your comfort zone and lurk and observe. Find that perfect bit of dialogue in someone else’s conversation. Take a hike if your hero is a naturalist. Go to a bar and order a drink only your heroine would drink. If your heroine is organic and bit granola, go to the local farmer’s market or natural whole-foods store–and buy something she’d eat. Take a walk in your character’s shoes. Buy something that would be important to your character. Listen.

What I’m saying is: GET A LIFE. Or in the case of eavesdropping, pretend you’re getting someone else’s life.

The daily 8-5 is a drag. The pre-scheduled gym visits; the gripe sessions with the girls on Tuesday; the bedding down of Junior who insists on THREE bedtime stories *and* a drink of water–it’s so routine. It’s so easy, so tiring to be lost in the everyday and have nothing to write about. Even if you’re just making it up. Even if this is the part of the day just for you. It’s hard to be imaginative when the walls of your world are oatmeal colored day after day.

I’m not saying make some other commitment of time. Don’t join the PTA or the Gardeners’ Society, where you’re made to suck out another 2-3 hours of your week to pacifying them. I’m saying take an hour to be invisible somewhere else, where the walls aren’t oatmeal, where you might find some color to put on your blank page. Go out and enjoy your Twinkie.

How apparent is it to everyone Capt’n Hellion had nothing to write about? Who agrees CH needs to get a life? Who would like to send her more Twinkies? Who actually likes oatmeal? Who wishes I had used the Chocolate Cupcakes rather than the Twinkies?

Well, it’s nearly midnight Sunday night and I’m just sitting down to create a blog. I know, poor planning and procrastinating and all that bloody business, but I’ve been ruminating about this blog for days and can’t seem to pin it down. Here’s my problem – or what I think is my problem - I’m coming off a high.

That’s right, the adrenaline rush of working like a mad woman to get a short story submitted before deadline. This was an open submission call so I in no way want to imply that *my editor* wanted my MS by a deadline. This just put me in the running with who knows how many other aspiring (and probably published) authors for a summer anthology. So, what does this have to do with the price of tea in Tortuga? I’ll tell you. Nothing really.

But, it does have to do with why I can’t seem to pin down a topic for this blog. I’m spent. I’ve come down off my incredible adrenaline rush of the last week and crashed onto the shifting sands of nada. Yep, that’s what I’ve got – nada.

But this is a topic in and of itself. When – notice I do not say “if” – when we get published, the pressure shifts from trying to get published to then trying to remain published. And to remain published, you have to write something else. And something else after that and something else after…oh, you get the idea. You have to WRITE MORE. But that’s hard – said in my best whiney voice. Well, if my blog had a voice.

But there is a plus to this as well. I’ve never wanted to write so badly in my life. Last night I went to see a particularly angsty movie (and took the most emotionally unstable friend I have which was NOT a good idea) and on the drive home I heard a conversation in my head between the characters of my main WIP. When I got home, I had to get it down. It can’t be but 50 words but by the end of those 50 words, I was crying. It’s basically the scene that leads to and builds up to the black moment and it’s really good. Oh, I can’t wait to get there!

I’ve even dreamed about writing. If the dream is not about my WIP then it’s about me writing the WIP. It’s damn near an affliction at this point. So, I believe what I’m saying is finishing something is a double-edged sword. It’s done, it feels great and the high lasts for days. But then the voices start again, you have to write more and the pressure builds and the doubts start all over again. And even with all the pressure and doubts, you can’t wait to get to the keyboard.

Am I alone on this dingy or has anyone else felt this way? Have you finished a work and felt on top of the world only to crash when reality returns? Or do you coast right along, finishing, starting and finishing again as if it’s naught but a lovely dance? And can anyone tell me why the hell we would ever drink tea in Tortuga?