*singing*

I can hear y’all groaning! Yeesh, whining pirates. I’ll stop now.

Sometimes I don’t know what to talk about. I know you readers have a hard time believing that based off the tangents I start in comments. But it’s true. I may be able to tangent like nobody’s business, but when it comes to a topic, forgetaboutit. *in my whiny redneck voice*

So, when I was running on the treadmill, listening to my best friend prattle on and on about her latest disaster, I realized there are some things that are just a solo project. Much like writing.

To me, writing is a pure solo sport. You can argue that it takes love and support from your friends and family to get through the rough times; but really it’s you—yourself– who puts the words down on paper. During crisis times, you are the only one who can take the words running in jumbles and make them flow like water on a page. You’re the only one who knows the plot. Storyline. Characters. Ending… You know all of this by heart.

When times are tough you rely on yourself to pull through. To keep going. To put one finger in front of the other and snap out of it. You stay up late. You debate with your gut instinct to slash and start over. You rewrite scenes until dawn. You run over line of dialogue in front of the mirror. (And if you’re me, you literally take it outside and run over it, while screaming at the top of your lungs.) No matter how much you talk about it to someone else, they will never get it. They don’t see the story as you do. Until it’s on paper, something tangible for them to see and hold, they don’t see it unfolding as you do.

Believing in yourself is a number one priority for a writer. Because if you don’t believe in yourself, who will? Your ability to convey emotion. Your talent to make the written word come to life in front of your reader’s eyes is all on you. No one else can make you do that. It comes from deep within. And if the belief isn’t there, your words will never flow quite right. The imagery will be stilted. The dialogue stiff. The storyline dull.

Your story relies on you to tell it. You believing in your abilities makes that happen. You could have thousands of people believing in you and still not believe in yourself.

Fate plays a part in this. If you are destined for something, whether you believe or not, it happens. It’s up to you to make it a positive or negative thing. Writing is all about being positive. You’re writing for a reason. A purpose. Whether it be for yourself or to tell a story. Or for the readers you’ll eventually have. Everything has a purpose. And I think I’m just now starting to realize this.

I don’t believe in myself. It’s just my number one rule. If I become complacent with my abilities, I slack off. So for that, I tell myself I suck at it all and work twice as hard. I’ve done it all my life. And with writing, it’s no different. I always challenge myself to go one extra step more. Write another thousand words before bed. Take a scene just one step wilder. Nothing is good enough and I have to strive to do better. But eventually I’ll have to believe in myself. Eventually I’ll have to let go, not to become complacent, but to accept what may come. Whether that be publishing or be just writing for enjoyment of the moment. Writing to me is like letting my soul fly. It gives me a chance to be calm, quiet, myself. And there is nothing more rewarding than that.

At the moment, that is.

So what is the one thing you could change about your writing self? What is the one thing you consider to be your excelling point? Writing, plotting, procrastinating, dialogue. And how much stock do you put into your own abilities?