And I mean that literally.  Sort of.

 

This weekend my local RWA chapter held our yearly writer’s retreat.  About twenty of us spend the weekend at a secluded resort type place where we hold workshops and bond in our writing insanity.  When we’re not talking craft or bonding, we’re writing. 

 

On the first day we all set writing goals for the weekend.  It can be anything from writing one sentence to writing one hundred pages.  Because I was psyched and ready to go, I set the goal of twenty-five pages.  *waits for everyone to stop laughing then continues*

 

I’ve been stuck on the same scene for a couple of weeks now.  It’s actually a pivotal part of my story where my hero and heroine, who have each vowed to avoid the other, realize they must work together.  If I blow this scene, I could lose my readers completely and my story is dead in the water.  No pressure, right?

 

My first attempt came from the heroine’s POV.  Four pages in I realized it wasn’t working.  *delete delete delete*  My second attempt came from the hero’s POV, but three pages in it wasn’t working either.  *delete delete delete*  At this point I was sitting at negative two pages for the weekend.  Now you get where the retreat part comes in.  I took it a little too literally.

 

The common denominator in both of these attempts was the fact it started with the heroine being late for work.  So when I started my third attempt, I took this aspect out and the scene practically wrote itself.  Turns out, my heroine flat out refused to be late for work.  If she had just told me this weeks ago, it could have saved both of us a lot of stress.

 

All in all, I had a great weekend.  We laughed our butts off (sadly mine grew back), we cried out our frustrations, and we challenged ourselves to keep going.  Writing is a solitary pursuit.  But thanks to the internet and writing organizations like the Romance Writers of America, we can be solitary together. 

 

If you’re a writer, do you belong to your local chapter or an online chapter?  If you’re a reader, have you found a book club in your area where you can share your love for a good story?  Maybe it’s quilting or scrapbooking. Tell us about your group and if you don’t have one, what kind of group would you like to find?

Today’s Hottie additions were inspired by this week’s guest blogger.  Kimberly Killion will be with us Tuesday to celebrate the release of her debut novel, Her One Desire, the story of an executioner’s daughter and a Scottish Lord on the run together in 1483 England.  What does this mean for you?  It means I’m going medieval on your….arse.

 

First let me say, I know 1483 isn’t exactly medieval, but I’m going with it anyway.  This is about Hotties, not historical accuracy.  Now you know why I write Contemporaries.  Anyway, on with the hotness.

 

I decided we don’t have enough knights on this crew.  And you can never have just ONE knight.  How are you going to form a Templar with only one knight?  So I found a few to fill out the ranks. 

 

We start with the Knight we’d most love to cuddle up next to.  Or twirl around on the dance floor with while Queen plays over by the fire.  Next we move onto his enemy.  This Knight may be smug and conniving, but he’s still pretty to look at.  If we keep these two separated I think they’ll be fine.

 

Our next Hottie deserved two shots.  And I’m pretty sure he’s going to feel right at home on a pirate ship.   You have to admit, the size of his sword is pretty dang impressive.

 

Since the hero of Her One Desire is a Scottish Lord, I decided to round out today’s Hotties with a little kilt action.  Now THAT’S an impressive sword.

 

Just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, Kimberly Killion will be joining us this Tuesday, July 1^st, for an in depth interview with our very own Captain Hellion.  Sassy, sexy, and toting a Scottish Hottie, you won’t want to miss this one.

*Raising my cup of rum high in the air*

May your words flow in an effortless stream onto the paper and in translation bring a sigh from the reader’s lips.

THIS JUST IN….BO’SUN TERRIO IS HIJACKING THIS BLOG

I couldn’t let you leave without giving you a present.  So this is from me.

 

 

 

 

 

Something very strange happened to me this weekend.  My husband’s best friend asked me about my writing.  He and his wife were over to visit and he brought it up in dinner conversation.  As in, “how’s your book coming along?”

In typical self-conscious fashion, I immediately wondered if maybe my DH was complaining about my writing or putting it down to his friend.  So, as soon as this question left his friend’s mouth, I started looking between faces at the table, trying to gage if there was any mocking in anyone’s expression.  But, my hubby gazed back at me encouragingly and his friend and his friend’s wife had heads tilted in interest.

The first surprising thing about this was that my husband had obviously talked to his friend about how I was writing a book.  Oh, I’d never told him not to tell his friends; I just never expected him to tell them of his own volition.   My hubby is supportive of my writing, but sometimes I think he’s uncomfortable talking about the details of the story.  (“Honey, do you think it’s more romantic if he puts his hand in her hair or on the small of her back?” = DH running away, face hidden, to look up sports or something else manly on the internet).  

So, to find out that he’d probably been bragging to his friend about me was sweet and touching.

Then, his friend was genuinely interested enough to ask me about it, then continue to express how cool he thought it was, for the span of several minutes. 

Well, having his friend– a guy and “a guy’s guy” at that– go on and on about how cool it was that I was writing a romance novel was embarrassing for me.

I’m usually a confident person and I don’t embarrass easily.  And I’m honestly to the point in my writing where I don’t really care if people don’t think it’s important enough to spend my time on or if they’re going to be Debbie Downer about it.  So, even though scoffing and put downs still frustrate me and make me uncomfortable when I have to defend myself, they don’t pose any threat to stopping me anymore.

But, this open enthusiasm was a different story.  I found myself playing it down.  I was like, “well, I don’t know how it’ll go, but I’m going to put it out there anyway” and “maybe it’ll never get published but at least I’m more experienced for my next try.” 

Afterwards, I wasn’t sure why I did this.  I should have felt as confident in the face of praise as I did in the face of scorn.  I just wasn’t prepared for it, especially from such an unexpected source.

It was nice.  Really nice.

Have you ever received praise either for your writing or for something else that embarrassed you?  How did you react?  Is praise from someone unexpected any better than praise from someone expected?  Why do you or don’t you think so?

 

 

 

 

Clearly something is amiss. I think Sin might be locked in the closet again, but I’m sure we’ll hear more about it later. In the meantime, since nobody wants to do math two days in a row, I thought I’d throw up a musical. (That’s what they do on cable channels, right, when the normal programming isn’t available?) So I bring you the interview with Mary Poppins.

 

Please give a warm welcome to Mary Poppins!  *background soundtrack music of  Chim-chim-chir-ree; then a silhouette of famous Poppins profile with infamous hat and flower*

 

MP:  *crisp British accent (CBA)*  Hello, Ms. Hellion.  Thank you for inviting me here today.  I must say I was rather surprised you thought I had anything new and exciting to share about writing but I’ve been thinking on it quite meticulously and I think you will be pleased….

 

Hellion:  Actually, I took the liberty of parodying some songs from your movie….

 

MP:  *scoffing in her CBA*  My movie?  Don’t be absurd!  As if I would ever consent to having my life filmed—and I don’t go around bursting into song.

 

Hellion:  Yes, you don’t make out with chimney sweeps either, but I’ve got your number.  I saw how you looked at Bert.  I know you wanted to make hot, wild monkey love and have his little sweeps.  *hands offended MP a sheaf of lyrics*  Please pardon the scratch outs.  I didn’t have a lot of time to write these….

 

*song cues up for “A Spoonful of Sugar”*

 

MP:  *glares at Hellion before looking at the lyrics finally, then cocks an eyebrow at Hellion*  Is this necessary?  *Hellion nods, Mary sighs*  Oh, well, if we must, we must.  *shakes lyrics and begins speaking crisply*

            For every story that you write

            There is a critic who’ll say it’s trite

                        You find that critic  *MP snaps her fingers, glares at Hellion*

                        And never read his crap ever again.  *gasping, then gives Hellion a look*  HONESTLY!

 

*singing*  And every tale you do construct,

            Expect to be rolled in the muck,

            The garbage.  The $1.99 bin at Wally World.  TIME.

 

            But a fifth of spiced rum makes the Bad Review go down,

            The bad review go down, bad review go down…

 

*Captain Jack Sparrow and his many hallucinations of himself burst onto the set behind, linking arms, slinging rum, and kicking their legs high in drunken frivolity; they join in for the last part of singing*

 

            Just a fifth of spiced rum makes the Bad Review go down,

            In an almost painless way….

 

MP:  *tossing aside the top sheet of the lyrics as the second song cues up*  Ms. Hellion, I don’t think….  *music cues and she rolls her eyes, but sings*

            Fin-finishy, fin-finishy, fin-fin your book

            It won’t write itself, you big shirker forsook!

            And as we can tell by the last lamentable rhyme,

            Hellion wrote this blog in a very crunched time!

                        Hellion wrote this blog in a very crunched time.

 

MP:  Honestly Ms. Hellion, you must be kidding with these lyrics…they’re positively the most…  *music cued back for second verse*

            Fin-finishy, fin-finishy, fin-fin your tale—

            Because your writing friends won’t care when you weep and wail.

            For we all know what a sad procrastinator you are—

            If you were a lawyer, you’d be given the most highest bar.

                        Hellion didn’t even research to see if lawyers get bars!

 

Hellion:  *clapping*  That was wonderful, Miss Poppins.  Now just one more song…

 

MP:  I think we’ve had just about enough.  *music cues and she gasps*  You’re mad!

 

Hellion:  They tell me that quite a lot.  If I weren’t, a lot of this probably would never work.

 

MP: *frowning*  Because I was afraid to write when I was just a lad

            My father read all my works and told me I was bad,

            But then one day I learned a truth to save my achy, breaky heart!

            The biggest truth you ever heard and this is how it starts….

 

            It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare; they’ll probably publish you anyway….

 

MP:  *throwing down the last page*  This is quite enough.  *waves for the music to stop*  Beyond ridiculous!  Total codswollop!  How am I supposed to sing that last line?  It doesn’t even make any sense.

 

Hellion:  Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious doesn’t make any sense either, but I’m pretty sure it won song of the year.

 

MP:  I assure you you will not be awarded the same courtesy.

 

Hellion:  *shrugging, unconcerned, smiles at the camera*  And now, pirates and landlubbers, what have we learned from the talented, charming, and ever so proficient Miss Poppins…

 

MP:  *blushing*  Well, I…I suppose I am…

 

Hellion:  *counting off on her fingers*  Number one, don’t take critics to heart.  It’s their job to find fault in anything–and frankly, they’re usually bitter, wrong individuals–I mean, look what they said about POTC3.  Totally brilliant bit of filming…

 

Terrio: I still haven’t seen it.

 

Sin**: Don’t worry. Neither have I.

 

Hellion:  *ignoring them both* Number two, you can’t offend critics if you don’t finish your book and send it out…and frankly, you’re taking food out of critic’s children’s mouths, if you do that.  Do you want to be responsible for all the starving children?  No.  Finish your book.  Get it published.  Offend at will.

 

*grumbling crewmembers in the background at the thought that their bits of brilliance would offend anybody; Hellion gracefully dodges an empty rum bottle*

 

Hellion:  *smiling serenely like that dude off Actor’s Studio*  And finally, don’t be such a perfectionist in trying to please everyone, including your parents, that you never finish your manuscript.  This isn’t Shakespeare…though I’m pretty sure Shakespeare was the Nora Roberts of his time.  Now, let’s thank Mary Poppins once again for sharing her wisdom and insight.  *applauds wildly with other crewmembers*

 

MP:  I really couldn’t have said it better myself.  I must go now.  Cheers.

 

How’s your writing (or reading) been going lately? Anything you want to share?

**the part of Sin is being played by Angelina Jolie as Hellion doesn’t really know where Sin is or what she is up to at this time. Secret Ninja stuff, you know.

Math and I have never been what you might say, good friends. Reluctant acquaintances is more apt. However, it has long been proven to me that for as long as there have been romances, math has played a part in it.

 

So get out your calculators and rulers, we’re revisiting 8^th grade math (hey, we were dumb in my school; we did this stuff later than everywhere else.)

 

Geometry

 

The triangle: we’re always trying to figure out the angle of the thing, and there is nothing like a simple, uniform triangle to sufficiently tangle your story for a good 300 pages. Love, as the saying goes, comes when you least expect it. You’re not looking for it; or you’re least not looking for it with him. In fact, he’s the last person you were thinking of. Your thoughts and energies instead were focused on Mr. Ideal. The third point of the triangle.

 

Writers enjoy employing triangles as a writing device because they’re simply complicated, or complicatedly simple. Whichever. You’re not bogging the reader with a slew of unnecessary characters to remember, but you’re sufficiently raising the emotional stakes and tension until we’re all screaming, “Kiss him already, no, not him, the other guy!”

 

Sometimes writers like to do a diamond sort of thing, a triangle and a triangle, with the short line connecting our hero and heroine at the middle. Each has their own Mr. or Ms. Ideal, but are still drawn to each other. This is trickier to do, because there is a sort of timing to it. If they’re both with their ideals, or pursuing their ideals at the same time, it’s hard to keep them together and aware of each other. There is almost a choreography on ice with a diamond (get it? Ice and diamond? Right.) and one triangle is completed just after the second one takes up, so both characters suffer sufficiently. Writers who do diamonds well make you feel as tense and engaged as if you’re watching Dean and Torvill at the 1984 Olympics.

 

Warning: if you’re not careful, you’ll end up with the multi-triangled approach of Bhartrihari:

 

She who is always in my thoughts prefers
Another man, and does not think of me.
Yet he seeks for another’s love, not hers;
And some poor girl is grieving for my sake.
Why then, the devil take
Both her and him; and love; and her; and me.

 

It’s probably more accurate in the long run, but this is only going to work if you want to write your own Gone with the Wind. And you’ll notice Bhartrihari and Scarlett did not have happily ever afters. If you want a happily ever after, keep your writing and your geometric proof simple: go for the triangle. Then when you’re ready for the Olympics, try a diamond.

 

Algebra

 

Because I am a hopelessly simple English major, I’m going to keep this little math analogy as hopelessly simple as possible: we’re always solving for X.

 

My high school math teacher kept assuring me I would use algebra in everyday life, and I kept saying she was on crack; but it turns out on the most basic, simplistic level (not that complicated calculus she was assuring me about later), we are always using algebra (and geometry). X + Y = Z. I usually solve for X, trying to figure out how many miles to the gallon I got on this particular tank of gas. I’m pretty sure I’m doing it wrong since it’s rarely the same mileage twice. I’m sure it’s why I’m not good at solving for X in my writing too.

 

I think the X in a lot of fiction books is the dead body. Everyone loves a good mystery: who killed the dead guy, what happened to Aunt Meredith’s diamond and ruby necklace, just what exactly is the hero hiding about his past anyway? We’re all curious about the X and want to find the source of it. X is backstory. After all, what is a dead body at the beginning of a novel but backstory that hasn’t been revealed yet?

 

So for me, my writing equation to solve for X is: X + H = C. If you could remove a hero from his backstory, you’d have a much less complex creature. But add your backstory and your hero? COMPLICATED. Neurosis City.

 

And much like all those math classes, where I spent my time, beating my forehead on my desk, saying, “I can’t solve for X because it doesn’t make any sense!”, you can’t really have a hero without backstory, can you? If you have a hero without backstory, you have an infant, fresh from the womb, untested, untried, and unriddled with all the little slings and arrows life saddles you with. But it amuses me to see a lot of writing books where they want you define your character first, then write the backstory separate. It just seems so wrong. It’s like scrambling two eggs in a bowl, then being told to turn them back into unbroken, unscrambled eggs again. Right. That can happen.

 

Plus, you’ve been to character interviews, haven’t you? You’ve set your smoldering-eyed, gypsy man in a chair and start firing questions at him like you’re Barbara Walters, calm but no nonsense. For no explicable reason, your character clams up like he’s being tried by Joseph McCarthy instead. He has no answers for you. He doesn’t know. He shrugs. You don’t know. And it’s very irritating because you made him up. You’ll even offer him answers, and he continues to shrug as if that is a very nice answer but he can’t be bothered to give confirmation either way if you’re right. Bastard.

 

Clearly algebra is still the bane of my existence, even in writing; but geometry, which I always seemed to do well in (I loved doing proofs), seems to be something I feel a bit more equipped to do.

 

I generally find that people can do one math or the other, but not both particularly well. Which one were you better at? Which one are you better at in the scope of your novel—triangles or X’s? If you’re a reader, what has been your favorite triangle in a novel, or your favorite X-backstory? What triangles are you sick of and what would you like to see more of?

 

*Math masterminds do not need to point out Hellion’s tenuous grasp on mathematical concepts. She is already aware her checkbook doesn’t balance; and this is called literary license.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This weekend I’m attending a writer’s retreat with my local RWA chapter.  For fun, it was suggested that we try to write an 850 word piece in a genre in which we would never write.  That meant I could write Inspirational or Paranormal.  I chose Paranormal.

 

First I have to say I have nothing against Paranormal.  It’s a huge seller right now and offers lots of great stuff for readers.  But my practical streak together with my lack of ability to suspend disbelief has always made it difficult for me to enjoy it.  Which is why I was so surprised to find myself enjoying the writing.

 

It turns out, when you create your own world and you put it in the Paranormal realm, you can do anything you want.  Who knew?!  It’s like when you become a parent and finally get to use the answer, “Because I said so.”  It’s so cool.  I created demons that can blend in with humans, but unlike humans don’t need food, water or sleep.  And if someone asks why, I can say, “Because I said so.”  I am LOVING this. 

 

So, bad guys are done.  Now I needed an Alpha hero (something I’ve never done), a kick ass heroine (something I’ve never done), and darkness (something I’ve never done).  No problem.  My hero was inspired by a Breaking Benjamin song called Evil Angel.  Here’s his description.

 

Eyes the deep blue of lapis lazuli stared into my soul.  Hair the color of blackest night fell in waves around his shoulders and made the fairness of his skin and the luster of his eyes all the more pronounced for it’s darkness.  He wasn’t the largest man I’d ever seen, but he had to be close.  Power poured off him like radiation, and a voice in the back of my mind warned he was likely twice as deadly.

 

The story is written in first person from the heroine’s POV which limited much description of her, but we do learn she works on the Termination Team, a group that battles the demons, and she does get to kick one of the bad guys in the nuts.  Other than putting her in leather, that’s as kick ass as I managed to make her.  But if there were more words, she’d kick lots more ass.

 

Now I needed darkness.  That was going to be the tough part.  You see, my voice calls for sarcasm and humor.  Unless I make a concerted effort, sarcastic lines show up in my stuff with little or no effort on my part.  After much struggle and at least one rewrite, here’s the opening that sets the scene.

 

Evil permeated the air.  It lingered around the dumpsters, lurked in the shadows, and oozed in the scattered pools of water like an oil slick.  A bulb at the end of the alley flickered dimly every few seconds, providing little light to battle back the dark.  The sliver of moon over head provided no light at all.

 

This may never grow into any more than 850 words, but doing this exercise has taught me several things.  The most important being that I can write in a genre that I never believed I could.  And enjoy doing it.  Again, who knew?

 

If you’re a writer, is there a genre in which you truly don’t believe you could write?  If so, what genre would that be and why?  If you’re a reader, is there a genre you’ve never tried because you don’t think it’s your thing?  If so, what is that genre and what would make you change your mind and give it a try?

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve seen the subject of Last of the Mohicans brought up several times.  Mostly ladies extolling the lovely attributes of one Daniel Day Lewis’ portrayal of Hawkeye.  I admit I’ve never watched this movie all the way through. *ducks banana peels*  And I probably couldn’t recognize the soundtrack music if I had to either. *ducks whole banana*  Well, I might recognize it as something I should know but couldn’t put my finger on it.

 

Anyway, since there seems to be some fantastic scene under a waterfall or something, I figure I’d better add it to my Netflix so I can join the DDL fan club.  Consider it done.  Now, with all this swooning over the movie, I figured it must be a sign.  It’s high time we add a Mohican of our own to the crew.  I give you……Hawk. 

 

What do you think?  LOL!  Can we keep him, huh, can we keep him?  I’ll keep him real busy so you won’t even know he’s here.  Well, there might be some *noise* coming from my cabin from time to time, but y’all should be used to that by now.

 

Moving on.  This weekend marks the official first day of summer which means yes, we’ve had heat waves, wide-spread tornadoes, incredible flooding and numerous wild fires and it wasn’t even summer yet.  Doesn’t that leave you excited about what might be in store from here? 

 

Reminder that coming up in July we have not one, not two but THREE terrific guest bloggers coming your way. Historical author Kimberly Killion’s interview with Captain Jack pulls into port on the 2^nd.  Erotica author (and CP extraordinaire) Dee S. Knight hops aboard on the 8^th, and Harlequin American Romance author Megan Kelly joins the crew on the 15^th.  And don’t forget Santa O’Byrne and I will be reporting back from the RWA National Convention in San Francisco the first week of August.

 

Plus, in the months ahead we have more fantastic authors such as Leslie Langtry, Teresa Medeiros, and the team of Christie Craig and Faye Hughes.  I’m telling you, this ship just gets better and better!  Now, be honest, can Hawk stay?

I started reading Harlequins in middle school.  Don’t hate on my mom, she took me to the library and let me rent books, even bought me some.  I just always read through them faster than she could keep me in them.   And when there was nothing else in the house, I reached for my mom’s Harlequins.  It was that or stereo instructions.  I’m sure you agree that Harlequins are a much better option.

Around the end of eighth grade, I picked up my first long historical.  And though I’d been reading romance for a while, I’ll still always remember this as my “first romance” because it’s the first one I can remember clearly.

It was The Gift by Julie Garwood. 

First of all, if you’ve never read Garwood, you should.  She’s witty and light but still has the emotional weight I love in my romances. 

Instead of getting into the details of the plot, as that’s not the real purpose of this post, I wanted to talk more about the experience of reading it. 

I remember laughing repeatedly; Garwood is the master of the one liner.  I remember there were pirates; even then I loved the adventure and suspense of pirating, but as it was longer than anything else I’d read, I really had a feel for the details.  I remember that the heroine, the very spunky Sara, was doing her best to make everyone love her, despite a knack for creating mayhem.  And I remember, as it was the longest one I’d ever read, feeling like I really cared about the characters so much that I didn’t want to leave them.  It was a grand, sweeping story and I knew I was smitten with romance on the spot.

From there, I started grilling my mother for other authors like Garwood.  I read Garwood’s entire backlist and then moved onto other big leaguers; Deveraux, Woodiwiss, Gabaldon, and fell in love with Judith McNaught. 

But, that first long historical is the novel that really got me into reading romance and therefore, it holds a special place in my heart.

How about you?  What romance novel was your “first,” the one to get you into reading romance voraciously, and why do you remember it so clearly?  Or, is there a novel that introduced you to a new subgenre?