I was so worried about my topic of the week*, and then, like manna from Heaven, my Urban Word of the Day delivered this to me: manicorn. I haven’t been this excited since the word “mantastic” and I got to explain to my best friend what a Narwhal was. (You’ll have to google “mantastic” to get why Narwhal was associated with it. Believe me, it’s worth it.)

What is a manicorn? So delighted you asked.

Manicorn: (noun) a mythical male creature who is successful (read: pursuing his passion and can pay his electric bills/rent), funny, chivalrous, masculine (read: not chauvinistic), adventurous, artistic (read: not suicidal).

The shelves of Romance Land are littered with manicorns. Hell, Jane Austen wrote the most famous manicorn of all, the original (a sort of Byerley Turk of manicorns), Mr. Darcy; and we’ve all been creating our versions ever since. I have my favorites: Richard, from Jill Barnett’s Dreaming; Kyrian, from Kenyon’s Night Pleasures; and ‘Ring, from Jude Deveraux’s Mountain Laurel.

I even love writing my own manicorns. I’ll find myself in the middle of a scene, thinking, This would never happen in real life. Then I’ll giggle and think, Isn’t fiction grand?

Here are the top favorite manicorns, where to find them, and how to bag them and take them home.

The Warrior: wounded, battered, but determined to protect his lady at all costs, this Manicorn is a universal favorite. Who doesn’t adore a guy who can slash away the bad guys with one hand, but still needs you to mend his wounded heart? Location: anywhere there is danger and a cause. Attract his guy by being both feisty and clearly in need of a protector. Run after danger so he is compelled to come after you to keep you out of trouble. But don’t thank him for his efforts. Yell at him for interfering with your plans to save your family estate. This will confuse him. The grumpier he becomes (and his breed is awful testy), the closer he is to falling in love with you entirely. Win him entirely by almost getting yourself killed so he knows how close he came to losing you.

The Boy Next Door: in possession of a dimpled grin and an aww-shucks expression, this guy has been breaking hearts since he was in diapers. Most notable for being the poor guy you tell all your woes too, while you’re desperately in love with the Captain of the Football Team. But when that jerk breaks your heart and dumps you at prom, does he say, “I told you so?” Nope. He just sweeps you up and dances you right out the door into Love. Location: I don’t know, why don’t you: Check. Next. Door. Geez, people. Attract this guy by being a chesty cheerleader who is completely out of his league. I hear ponytails also distract this guy, like a sort of hypnotic device. String him along by needing him, but never actually dating him. He won’t be able to help himself as he gives advice how to hook up with the Mortal Enemy; and he won’t even tell you that he overheard the ME talking trash about you. The quieter he gets, the further he’s fallen; and when he’s completely blended in with the other Wallflowers, you know he’s a goner. Win him entirely when you realize the ME is really a jerk (almost too late!) When the Boy Next Door rescues you, though he’ll come out more damaged, offer succor and some chocolate chip cookies as you apologize for being so blind.

The Intellectual: the rarest of the manicorns, he’s not only successful, funny, chivalrous, and masculine, but he’s smart too. Location: only in fiction. Only kidding, I hear there is one in England, married to a Mrs. Q, but clearly this breed is on the endangered species list. If you spot one, call the Protection of Rare and Noble Creatures immediately! We want photographs. Attract them by being smart yourself. Duh. Nobody has the patience for stupid people, not even manicorns. Keep him by organizing his PDA…and putting Novocain in your lipstick.

So what is your favorite manicorn, and do you have any real-life examples of your favorite “breed”? And since this is rather sexist, are there any girlicorn archetypes out there? Or is the Madonna-Whore Girlicorn it?

*I totally apologize to you guys for not having a more original topic this week. Blog writing is sorta like baseball….