by Bo'sun | March 19th, 2009
**Gracing the decks once again, it’s the lovely and talented and irrepressible J Perry Stone!**
So I’ve been having discussions of late on how to write a sex scene in such a way that it’s original, titillating and without a purple word/phrase in sight. Think this might be easy? Think again.
First of all, let me tackle the problem of originality. Let’s face it, there are only so many positions and some of the more “acrobatic” ones are those I would never try for fear my uterus might end up in my ear. Yes, that pretzel pose on page 35 of the Kama sutra is something I’ve never read in a romance before, but just because it’s new does not make it good. And then there’s the problem of tools. It’s like we’re all trying to describe that peg-in-the-hole exercise in gym class in unique terms, but there are only so many orifices on the human body, so many parts to put in them and so many ways to describe it all. It is what it is.
Which brings me to my second problem. Titillation. Get too creative with what you insert where—food included—and as a reader I start thinking about bathing issues, the problem honey presents when coupled with hair, and the morning after a particularly adventurous session. Urinary tract infection, anyone? Oh I know. In a romance, the author takes great care to speak to fantasy rather than reality, but for me to invest in a sex scene, I need to believe that scene has all the pleasure-potential possible. I can’t be thinking about UTI’s because the heroine forgot to wash and pee after having sex with Mr. Let’s Use-This-Cream-Syrup-And-Pudding-On-You. What’s more, I do not believe making love on a high wire with a woman’s ankles behind her head is the best possible position to achieve orgasm—not for her, not for me—so I’m not going to get all tingly inside when reading your novel: Big Top Love: Sex Without a Net.
Okay, so that leaves me with the various shades of purple. I have a naughty thesaurus listing phrases for multiple saucy things. Need another word for 
nubbin? I’m your gal. But here’s the thing. No matter how many different ways you put a part/act with the intention of writing it in a way that’s new and affecting, take that sentence out of context and it’s going to sound purple. If you take the spice out of the dressing, it’s just spice in all its obvious form. Put it back into the dressing and it’s a glorious culinary experience. Take the sex out of a book—purple. Put it back in—ahhh. So I guess you could say I’m purple-tolerant, especially when it comes to sex. By the time the consummation comes around, hopefully I’m so invested in the characters, I want them to get their groove on with all the ruche-ing, salivating and moistening possible.
Jules, totally agree. I think everybody needs to take responsibility for their sexuality/sexual behavior … whether that means behaving responsibly or simply taking care of your own needs by communicating what you like, etc.
And i don’t like cruel either. I think your list sums up our entire conversation quite nicely (and I hope you don’t have worse headache after reading all these posts).
Okay ladies, but I want to talk about purple sex. I cut my teeth on the purple shades of sex with Kathleen E Woodiwiss. Every time the heroine had an orgasm, there was always some celestial metaphor to go with it, i.e.,
She threw her had back and the stars in heaven burst in a millions sparks, blah, blah, blah. (mine, not KEW’s but in her style).
I liked those scenes, read every word when i was younger, but now find myself skimming over the more flowery descriptions when I come upon them.
How about you?
Yeah, J, I had the Barbara Carland “Scenes” which were always the last page, and very purply and VAGUE…and always “shattering into a million little stars”–and depending on the writer and the scene now I will skim that. Or at the very least, roll my eyes so hard I’m in danger of having the whites of my eyes permanently showing.
I think it might depend how much further beyond the “shattering sentence” they go. If they prose on it in equally florid, flowery language for another couple paragraphs, I’ll groan like mad. Yuck.
I like it when contemporary books try to shoot for a more modern metaphor. Like a sort: “She hadn’t felt this euphoric since she found that Calvin Klein shirt on the sales rack for 90% off.”
Hahaha, Hellion.
But you know, 90% off IS a big damn deal!!!
There’s purple, like you guys are talking, then there’s stuff that turns purple when taken out of context. I’ve found that stuff that sounds just fine in my head while I’m reading, sounds really weird said aloud. Especially when a book is turned into a movie.
“But you know, 90% off IS a big damn deal!!!”–
Yeah, well, so’s an orgasm.
Exactly, Terri. That’s what I was trying to say in the my post (but you said better).
I think if you describe the success of the sexual act in terms of a celestial event, you run the risk of purple.
I think if you take ANYBODY’S sex scene out of context, someone’s going to snicker at it.
I have to say, I got really scared when I just read this: “then there’s stuff that turns purple…” but that’s only because I took it out of context
It depends on the shirt, Hellion.
You mean like, “The lion and lamb together” or “You’re my favorite brand of heroin”? That sort of purple?
LOL! I was thinking of the Nora Roberts movies starting on Lifetime this weekend, but that movie is a prime example as well.
When I worked in radio, I used to read while the songs played. Not always easy to hop on the air in a split second when you’re reading a *really* good sex scene. If people really know what to listen for, they probably could have known by my voice what I was reading.
Anyway, the news guy walked in one day, picked up my book, flipped it open and just started reading aloud. Let me tell you, any sentence with the word “manhood” in it sounds much better in your head. LOL!
And I tried to find a little bit of my work to post, but nothing seemed appropriate.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Since when do we think about ‘appropriate’?
I’m shattered!
An orgasm as good as the $120 dress at Macys I got for $9! That would be tough to write…
Its taken me half an hour to read through all these eye opening posts.
J Perry , my humble apologies for not recognising your voice! I thought Terri sounded a bit different but attributed it to eating aphrodisiac shell fish.
Yes my snippet described a dream. I thought it safest to dream about this topic, knowing that Sin would be watching! *grin*
I will display the courage cojones award near my internet computer….my very first writing prize…I feel so proud.
Diana Glad you liked my snippet! I was expecting to get the low down on all the juicy bits from every ones WIPs but they all seem to have become overly modest.
I think that this blog may have broken the record for the number of posts.
May I welcome J Perry as the latest member of the CENTURION CLUB.
Please raise your glasses for a celebratory toast.
Here is to J Perry an author so bold
Her writing so stimulates its hard to keep hold
So hold tight to those glasses and all give a cheer
J Perry wins my award for Centurion of the year
Bottoms up and down the hatch
Also depends on the orgasm.
I just want to add that as soon as I read this blog I predicted we would top 100 comments. So here’s my I-told-you-so.
Q – I’m not big on shell fish, aphrodisiac or not.
Chance – I don’t see ya posting anything either! LOL!
Brat! Fine, let me go get a scene from The Alien Library…
Tendar is the alien. Daniel is the human doctor and Cameron is the human woman who will be the librarian…
I warned ya!
Tendar whispered to Daniel, “She is tiny. Tight…”
“She’ll stretch, women stretch,” he answered the worry. “You know that. You will not hurt her.”
“Be first, Daniel. Share me with her, first,” Tendar wrapped his hand around Daniel’s cock, simulating Cameron as his fingers flowed together into a warm, wet, flesh filled delight.
Daniel crooned, “If…if she will…trust me! Ah!”
Tendar melded himself to Daniel’s back, arms cradling the smaller human. His genital sack filled with blood to tease and taunt Daniel’s every nuance of desire. It squeezed, grew turgid, pumped, sucked, licked and carried the human doctor past the point of cognitive thought for the rest of the night. Daniel agreed to anything Tendar wanted in the end, aware of the hazards but fully in love with the challenge.
Sex is to conversation what Q says shellfish is to sex, eh Terri?
Hey, do I get that list of words for ‘nubbin’?
Q, you wrote me a toast!!! Oh, thank you! Can I be in charge of the maniple now?
(Couldn’t resist that word)
So I want to make a distinction, Hellion, Irish and Julie, between the sex in a book and sex in real life actual.
Are there virgins out there today? Absolutely, but if we’re talking about a romance novel, I think Terri is right in that sex is certainly going to be a part of the equation. It sorta has to be. I just think Terri was, in fact, only talking about sex in books to begin with.
As for real life, there is every experience under the sun. There are young novices and those youth who have damn doctoral in the act.
I think the important thing in both, however is staying true to character–whether that means characters in your book, or your own character.
As for you, Chance, HOLY CRAP!
Suddenly, I’m feeling shy and tingly all at once!
*blushing
Ya think the difference between sex and erotica… Let me see if I can phrase this right, part of a discussion begun last week… So…sex without the delight of emotional involvement is erotica, delightful hopefully. Or at least not a deep romantic emotional involvement. But can one come to it in time?
You know me, I get all anal about the difference. (No pun intended…)
And sex with emotional involvement is erotic romance?
I’m not sure, Chance. I think in the market today, the difference might lie in the involvement of a few key elements.
three-ways = erotica, but there also might be a lot of emotional growth for the main character in terms of who they are sexually within that scenario.
That’s a tough one.
I didn’t help, did I?
Sorta confirmed a suspicion of mine! I read Emma Holly’s erotica and it seems so romantic to me…but who the hell knows anymore?!
Granted, I like a good stew. No, I love a good stew… Hmmm. Maybe dinner tonight…
Come on, Terrio! I took up yer dare!
I KNEW I should have commented when at 37 comments and not over 100, lol!
Well, you’ve all said it better than I could ever had. I agree that sex for sex’s sake and purply done makes me want to take a nap. I skim over the starburst orgasms.
Contemps with ignorant women are almost as annoying as comtemps with women who’ve been in every bed imaginable. Another skimmer for me.
And I know it’s hard to come up with new ways to describe sex and such but it really bothers me when I’ve read a books by the same author and you can almost tell by the page number what act and in what detail is about to happen. I’ve left many an author behind because of this. Prolificacy (and, yes, I don’t know if it’s a word) does not necessarily equal an excellent author in my book.
There. I think I did it. Off to phase three of my day. I’ll catch up at midnight when everyone else is asleep.
Excellent post, my dear. And excellent moderation of said post.
Santa, I love you far more than Santa Claus–and this from a person who is greedy and adores gifts.
Sorry, I was driving home and just got back to the computer. Alright, I’ll find something give me a few minutes.
Thanks for the back up, J. Yes, I was talking about sexual content in books as I thought that was the topic. Books reflect the society in which they are set. A contemporary set in 2009 with a heroine of a certain age, and I’m not talking college age, is going to have some kind of sexual knowledge and experience different from a heroine in most Historical settings. Is it possible for a women today to be inexperienced? Yes. Is it likely or the norm? No. And when I say inexperienced, I’m talking completely ignorant of the act, the parts, and how they work.
Now, to Chance. I’m not sure of the exact definition of Erotica though I’m sure we could find one. But I think the emotional level involved in the sex has less to do with it than the amount of sex in the story. The language used is also important. I think an Erotic story can involve only two characters who fall in love and find their HEA. Just like in a straight Romance. But if they have sex often, as in at least once a chapter, and experiment a bit, then I’m thinking that’s the difference. So my guess is quantity and language might be the distinctions.
*scribbling madly
I’m gonna write a book ’bout this debate! Right after I finish the book a’ the romance codes…
Here you go, Chance. At this point of the story, the hero is telling the heroine how he’s been imagining her in his dreams.
“You cross the room to me but I’m afraid if I touch you, like this,” Max thrust his fingers further into her warmth, “I might die on the spot. So I ask you to touch yourself for me.” In a masterful but gentle voice he said, “Touch yourself for me, Anna.”
Lost to his voice, his rhythm and his words, Anna obeyed. She touched one breast, tentative at first. When she rolled her nipple between her hot fingers, another current rolled through her.
“That’s it, Anna. Touch yourself for me. With me.” Following his words with actions, Max bent forward, never stopping the motion of his fingers inside her most sensitive place, and dropped kisses across her stomach. “Bring yourself higher, Anna.”
Ever obedient, Anna massaged both breasts, tugging on her pebble-like nipples and sending tremor after tremor down to her sex. Down to his fingers. She could feel the moisture flow from her.
“Ah, you’re so wet for me. I want to taste you, Anna. Let me taste you.” When his fingers left her she felt bereft. But not for long.
BTW – This is from an Erotic Romance short. I haven’t gotten to a sex scene in my Contemp WIP yet. LOL!
Hmmmm. Nice. Very nice. Sigh. I gotta finish the mystery cozy I’m reading and dive back into something steamy…
Uh, can I just say how glad I am I’m on birth control?
Sure, but what does birth control have to do with anything?
Hey J, my post wasn’t meant to be a sermon about “everybody needs to take responsibility for their sexuality/sexual behavior”. It was meant to point out an interesting trend that is developing among young people. As a person who is sort of out in the field , figuratively speaking ( literally too if you’ve seen pictures of where I live) , I hear a lot of things. Thought that I would share them with you writers. Think of me as your research assistant! I wanted to give you all a little ammunition. Just in case you wrote a story that reflects these changing attitudes & your publisher or editor throws it back at you with a “That doesn’t happen in real life”. I feel that changing trends in social behavior Should be reflected in Romance Lit. Especially in the contemporaries. Writing about good trends … is well … good. But I feel that it is just as important to include the bad ones. Because Romance Lit has a HEA, I feel that it is a “safe” place to discuss difficult social subject matter.
“Sure, but what does birth control have to do with anything?”
Terri IT means that you’re Writing Is HOT!!!! Which makes it dangeroussssssss! OMG
And Chance … all I can say is …Holy-Cow-WOW!
OH. LOL! I missed that.
Uhm…thanks.
And no offense … BUT I can’t read any more of this stuff. Its killing me ….
My DH won’t be home for hours. ;0
*Julie runs off to stick her head in the freezer*
Well said, Julie. Exactly.
The reason I’m glad I’m on birth control is because if I weren’t, I’d be pregnant. Any guess as to why???
Ha! I sent you this entire story and you never even read it. Can’t be that good.
Well now I will! Damn!
Julie, ya need a nasty duck.
LMAO!
Forget the nasty duck … I need a Nasty alien! LOL
And Q… you are a Wicked, WICKED man to use ice water & dreams!
Would that make it a wet dreeeeee… oh never mind
Tendar isn’t nasty, actually he’s very, very sweet.