by Sin | July 10th, 2009
Musical Influence this week: Without End- Dommin- EP
The Ghost Woman and the Hunter- Lacuna Coil- Comalies
First and foremost I must confess- I went to a concert on Tuesday and headbanged until I almost threw up. So thank you to Chance for switching her days with me. Even though she’s a sneaky wench, she’s nice on the occasion you get her rummed up.
I write fan fiction. This may be scandalous behavior in the writing community, but it’s now I got my beginning and a part of who I am as a writer.
When I first started out writing, I had this big elaborate scene in my head that made me sneak down the stairs at night after everyone was in bed and write until my fingers blistered. I spent that first month of my writing career by the dim light of my little night light. I wrote with this burning passion, fascinated by this world within a world I created for my own interpretation of the characters. For me, it wasn’t about what was real and what wasn’t. For the first time in a long time, I felt alive and doing something I was good at and could enjoy.
I wrote the ending first. It was the most vivid thing in my mind. I wrote about my heroine standing in front of an oval stand mirror and try to tell the woman looking back at her everything would be okay. Everything was going to work out and nothing bad was going to happen. Everyone knows when you assume nothing bad will happen, it inevitably will. She was in way over her head and determined to catch this guy who was playing a cat and mouse game with her. And when he tired of playing the game with her, he called her number and she nearly died.
Scratch that. She died. I let her die on a cold concrete floor. She thought about all the regrets in her life and all the times she could’ve taken charge and forged forward. And to punish the hero, I let him hear everything that happened. I wanted him to see you can’t play with fate. You can’t play with life.
It was by far one of the most vivid things I’ve written about since I started this journey. When I think about things I’m not sure I can write about, I go back to that moment when I was sitting in my broken down computer chair, writing on my old tower computer before it crashed. It was a Thursday afternoon, late April 2006 and my fingers typed furiously over the keys. I can’t even remember breathing that afternoon. I know I didn’t pause as I wrote out those final scenes. Those final scenes of that story changed the way I thought about writing. It changed the way I thought about life. I think through the eyes of the character I was writing, I lived every emotionally draining second of her life- from the time she stepped off the elevator that night, to the first drink at the club, to being drug down a dark hallway with guns blazing behind her, to being thrown into a vehicle and beaten until she couldn’t defend herself anymore. I was with her when she was chained up and screaming for her life and I was with her when her wrists were slit and left to drain out on the floor.
And I was with her when I brought her back to life. When she first heard his voice. When she first woke up in the hospital and he was sitting beside her bed. The first time he brought her home from the hospital and when he found the pills she was hiding underneath the bathroom sink.
First person point-of-view for me is an experience of life through someone else’s eyes that is so deep and personal that every torturous aspect you try to hide in life is so startling clear it’s painful to read but mesmerizing to the point you can’t turn away.
I have no qualms about killing characters. Emotional attachment for some characters is easily avoided and some are not, but furthering the story is my main objective. If someone is in my way, I don’t think twice about removing them by any means necessary. This might potentially destroy my main characters character, it might hurt them, destroy them, devastate them, but life for a character shouldn’t be easy. Ever.
I killed Sadie’s twin sister. I made Sadie believe she killed Kady. I made Sadie’s mother commit Sadie to a mental institute and throw away the key for ten years after a jury didn’t find Sadie guilty of murder. Ten years of Sadie’s development was spent inside a place where the insane kept her company twenty-four hours a day. With no visitors. No one to remind Sadie that they loved her.
My goal is to take everyone away from Sadie and isolate her to the point of breaking and then I’m going to show her she’s stronger than she ever expected. And hopefully by doing that, the readers that I might have will be so absorbed into her story that they can’t turn away from her.
One example of this sort of greatness is Kim Harrison. Ms. Harrison killed a main character off in book five. For most of her fan base, and her heroine, Rachel and the other heroine, Ivy, this devastated so many people that her book readers went into mourning. The emotion surrounding the death of this character was so intense and if you’ve ever lost someone you loved that much in your life, all you could do is remember that exact feeling you had when you found out you couldn’t save them. No matter what you did. Rachel has struggled with that feeling for two books. The feeling of incompetence and defeat and agony. I was crushed. Not for the character who was lost (please, he wasn’t my favorite by far, and I thought it was quite a brilliant idea to kill him); but crushed for Ivy, who loved him since they were kids and was one of the few people she trusted and could run to for understanding of who and what she is, and for Rachel, who once again lost someone she loved, lost a best friend, lost her lover, lost everything with him. And the pain I felt when Rachel started to remember everything that happened stole my breath away. I hunger for that type of emotion to make me feel something real and tangible. For years you spend desensitizing yourself to the outside world, learning how to have thicker skin and making painful decisions and sometimes you really just need to be reminded of how human you really are without having the painful consequences of making the mistake yourself.
And that is why I read and write. Because no matter the choices I make or the decisions I screw up, when I’m writing, I can figure out a way to fix it. Life is not always so easy to fix and quite painful to clean up; and if I can figure out a way to translate that into words and into a full length manuscript then maybe I’ll feel like I’ve finally gone down the right path.
What was the best emotional rollercoaster you’ve been on throughout a book or series? What type of emotion do you think you write the best? Or do you tend to skim over it? And how have you grown since the first time you wrote emotion to now?
nice!
But actually, I’m going home. I’ll boot up as soon as I get there and we’ll race the rest of the afternoon.
Though I’m going to have to play catch up! 750 words already? way to go Ter!!
You’ll have time to catch up while I drive home. Which will be in an hour and a half I’m guessing. I’m not staying longer than that.
Go you guys! I’m off and writing myself. Not the same, I’m tweaking a few scenes, but I feel way more motivated today than the last few.
Yay!!
Yay for y’all writing!
I’d like to write but I’m working
Which I’m bummed about because its Friday.
The race is off. Hal’s DH spirited her away.
For the second time today I’m saying in a huff, “Men.”
Up to 1250. This empty office thing should happen more often.
Sin – Take the rest of the day off. Tell them I said it’s okay.
LOL!
Janga, thanks for the compliment
I’ve not read Elizabeth George. I must live under a rock.
Ter, I might but they would probably get the baby back. I can’t kill a baby. I just can’t. That’s wrong.
I’ve pretty much not worked all week. LOL I’m still trying to catch up to everything from last week.
I’m so jealous about the word count. I will have to work hard tonight to out word you.
You can do it, Sin. Take the challenge! I’m not going to meet my 10K by Nationals goal, but I’m going to take a serious crack at it this weekend.
And I’m watching/listening to Evanescence videos on YouTube while I do this. The good thing about the office being empty is I can turn it up. LOL!
Love me some Evanescence. I was listening to my iPod list earlier today and rocking out. But now the office is full and I’m listening to the same song over and over again to help me stay sane.
If I can write 5k tonight, I’ll hit 10k. It’s doable.
Just wrapped up a scene at 1421 words. And I love the last line. Thank goodness these characters are really starting to talk to me.
Totally doable, Sin. You are a force to be reckoned with! And I’m sending all my stay sane vibes your way.
Thanks. And that’s a great amount of words. Gimme a hint of the last line.
Wow, take a quick trip to the dentist and the place explodes!
Yeah, I’m so glad I didn’t spend money on The Breakup and you are spot on Terri. They did make Vince Vaughan’s character too realistic. I know a couple of guys just like him. And I avoided Message in a Bottle because I did my homework on that one. In fact, the only reason I really wanted to go see it is because they played Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn” in the trailers and I was in love with that song at the time. LOL
Way to go on the word count! Glad I could help!
I had the most amazing conversation between my hero and his brother going through my head and it was while I was in the car with my whole family on the way to WI last weekend. No paper, no computer, no nothing! I’m still trying to piece it all together again. UGH!!!!
Celi and her best friend Miranda are talking.
“And one of these days you’re going to meet the guy who doesn’t leave you. What are you going to do then, Celi?”
“Since it’ll mean Hell has frozen over, I’ll buy a new coat.”
Hahahhahaaha
Great dialogue, Ter.
Irish – That happens to me all the time. Of course the other night it happened while I was in bed and I was just too lazy and tired to get up and write it down. I’m really hoping that stuff comes back to me this weekend. I remember bits, but not all of it yet.
Hope the dentist trip was fondle free.
Irish, you have to blame it on Friday laziness.
And I hate when I’m stuck with talking characters and nothing to write it all down with. That’s always what happens too. I almost drove off the road the other day trying to write down what Sadie’s tattoo around her wrist reads. She damn near killed me.
A fondling dentist? This really is Friday. All kinds of freakiness going on.
And if he fondles you, I hope he gives a discount.
I’m starting to worry a bit because this entire thing is ALL dialogue. LOL! I certainly can’t be accused of info dumping, I guess.
I guess I’ll add the introspection in draft two.
Ter, you gotta learn to keep a journal beside the bed. Of course, you must have a working pen. I always have the problem that I’m half asleep and writing but there is no ink coming out and I don’t realize it until the morning and have to read the indention marks on the paper.
I was going to say, Ter, worry about all that in the revision process. Most of my 5k written is dialogue too. And trying to write two first person POV’s is really tricky.
Sorry, the dentist reference was for Magg’s comment the other day. LOL!
I do have a journal and pens in my nightstand. Why didn’t I think of that? Gah!
So you are working on the double 1st person POV? I can’t wait to read that.
Yeah, it’s both Sadie and Kiki, who are two completely different women. I think tomorrow we’ll know if I can do it or not when Hellie reads over it and determines if she thinks I can pull it off.
Definitely, fondle free. Thank God since my daughter was the one getting her fillings filled. But for the cost I probably should have requested a fondle or two! Sheesh!
I did get to get a jump start on JQ’s latest. I’m loving it. It’s very reminiscent of the Bridgerton fun. I just love waiting rooms now. LOL
Yeah, sometimes I just write lines and lines of dialogue and I don’t even write “he said”/”she said”. It’s an every other line sort of thing that I have to go back and insert who said what and with what type of expression it was said.
I need to get to Julia’s book soon. I never did get that download thing to work. I’ll have to pick on up next week.
Happy to hear no fondles. Even if they were paid for.
I’m out of here. It’s dead quiet and the phone hasn’t rung in over an hour. Sheesh!
I feel like writing now and my WHOLE family is home including a BIL. We’re going on an impromtu weekend getaway to a cottage up in MI. Which of course means Mom has to get everything ready so that everyone can enjoy our spontaneity!
Mom’s take care of everything and make it just seem like it was effortless. You’re a sparkling gem to your family, Irish. And if they don’t say how much they appreciate you, I will
Ter, good luck with the word count!
And I tend to just write and have to go back after I’m out of my writing fog and add in the proper stuff.
Whoohoo on all that writin’ bein’ done! Double hoo in all the glitterins… (?)
Damn, saw somethin’ I wanted ta comment on back there and lost it. Be right back…
Ah! That’s right! Cap’n…I get it so much ’bout goin’ ta movies with those who aren’t inta the whole experience. I be raised on Star Trek and when the first movie came out…went with me DH and two friends. One said ‘friend’ at the climax a’ the movie, when Kirk says ta the man who decides ta meld wit’ V’ger… “You want it, you got it.”
This voice comes from me side… “Toyota!”
I almost killed her.
Still bugs me.
Bloody smart assed former friend.
I was thinkin’ ’bout what emotion I write that I think I do well… Is lack of confidence an emotion? I think I write that well…you know, the whole inner debate about being worthy, am I brave enough, do I deserve this, what else can do wrong, if I ignore this it won’t count…
Likely ’cause I debate a lot wit’ me ICs.
And I like my dialogue.
Great example wit’ yers, Terrio.
Yeah, I don’t watch costume dramas with a couple of my friends anymore. I was in *love* with Shakespeare in Love and I was dying for my friends to watch it. So we did, but they thought the premise was dumb to begin with–and then Gwenyth Paltrow (a thin, perky blond–which was the trifecta of sins) ran from Joseph Fiennes, those two immediately began mocking Gwen–and said, “Yes, it was so obvious that she was a boy. Look how she runs” and one of them bounced out of the room, mocking her, hands flip-flapping in pure girly behavior. I wanted to kill them. I still can’t watch that scene in the movie without seeing THEM mock it. So it’s not my favorite movie now.
However, I’m not guiltless. I was sitting next to my friend (the one who mocked the Shakespeare in Love, mind) and her husband, and was avidly watching one of the bare-knuckled fighting spectacles–and clearly the pair of us couldn’t care. And the fighters were exhausted–but neither is going to give up–and the guy on top, pinning the other guy makes this sort of move that looks like he’s humping the pinned guy. And my friend and I went to town mocking that one.
Her husband hasn’t allowed us to watch sports shows with him sense.
There’s always got to be one thing that we love to write. Everyone seems to love to write the dialogue.
Self-esteem issues are an emotional feeling inside, so yeah, I’d say this qualifies as your emotional bit.
I mock everything. It’s a wonder you watch anything with me.
OK, if’n we get ta a movie wit’ Sin, we gag her first. And tie ‘er ta the chair.
I don’t mock. I save all me mockin’ fer commercials.
And Sin.
I knew you were gonna say that, you wicked mocking wench.
Now, that sounds like a drink!
With double the wicked, every time!
*swish!
BTW, anyone win the drink contest with Leslie?
She drank me under the table.
Nah, the one she had on a blog the day after she guested with us. I know Terrio and Hel submitted drinks…
I jus’ visited the blog…I guess she’ll be pickin’ them after this weekend. Looks like she’s got some heavy drinkin’ ahead a’ ‘er!
If’n she were a pirate, no big deal…
I think I was still passed out.
Why do you think I always offer to put Twilight on whenever you’re over? You’re welcome to mock that as much as you like. I do.
LOL *laughing* hahahahaha
I’d pay ta watch that show!
The only time any sort of Twilight mocking offends me is when the undead monkey does it, and he’s so far out of his element it’s not even fun to argue with him.
Is it ever fun to argue with the undead?
Monkey or no?
He mocks the POTC and Harry Potter too, and is way out of his element. It’s only fair he found one of your movies to do the same.
What does he know? His idea of a tastefully done movie is Saw 5.
No, it’s Saw IV because of the quartering. He thinks that was the best one out of the bunch.
No because the undead don’t know when to quit.
I know people I won’t watch certain movies with. Or do certain things with. I know for sure they wouldn’t *get it*. And a) I don’t want to explain it or b) don’t want to hear them say things like “that was stupid.” I knew one chick who was mad when I said I would never take her on a trip to Scotland because she wouldn’t get it. But it was true, and it would have totally ruined my trip. Damn it, nothing is ruining my someday trip to Scotland. LOL!
Wow, the idea of any of the Saw movies being considered “well done” other than the DVD actually being thrown in a fire boggles my mind.
Believe me, it boggles my mind as well.
Dude, going to Scotland must be enjoyed not dreaded with an over-obnoxious friend. We all have those types in our lives.
I’ll never forget staying up until 2am reading MD. I. Couldn’t. Stop. You have been as much of an inspiration to me as Evanovich herself. I wanted to make emotion cut deep and real the way you do without effort. You have to live and breath real life emotional upset before you can make it come alive on the page. Feel it, live it, write it. I would much rather read angst, and death as rainbows and puppies any day. You rock:)
Oh hell. I wish you would’ve warned me that you were going to get mushy on me. Babe.
Crap.
It amazes me that MD got to you in any way. I had no idea what I was doing when I wrote MD and had no idea the type of writing I needed to do in order to write it the right way.
And if you have any doubt on your ability to write emotion babe, I suggest you go back and read any one of your fics (Uh, can you say, The Journal- I bawled my eyes out and then wrote you this ridiculously long review about how much I loved you.) So, don’t talk to me about wanting to channel me. Channel yourself babe. You rock.
I remember that long review. I was completely blown away. Yes, I can write emotion, but you write emotional action scenes like no other. And frankly, we both rock:)