I spend forty hours a week in a sterile environment. Life and death situations are as close as my fingertips. I’m conditioned to anticipate the next instrument to place in the surgeon’s hand, it doesn‘t mean I’m always correct, but you have to allow for the man factor. Most of the time I hand them what they need and not what they ask for, it works to both of our advantage. Surgical procedures are performed in steps, and unless some unforeseen occurrence happens, they move as precise as the hands on a Tag Heuer watch.

The more I write, the more I discover the correlation between my day job and my writing process. When I‘m experiencing a good day I imagine a new idea for a story. On a bad day, a patient experiences a sharp pain in their flank area, and a desire for pain medication. Before I start a story, I immediately gather information by research, and brainstorming. When a patient arrives in the emergency room, the admitting doctor obtains the patient’s medical history. After brainstorming, I develop a starting point for my story. The ER physician compiles lab and x-ray data, discovers a kidney stone and consults a urologist. Based on the size of the stone, the urologist decides whether to perform surgery. The patient receives a preoperative medication to relax them before surgery. I put on my pajamas, grab a glass of Diet Coke and get comfortable in my desk chair. The patient is placed on the surgery table; I put my desk chair in the swivel- rocking position. The nurse preps the patient with an antiseptic solution; I prepare my highlighters, and adjust my keyboard. The nurse places the patient’s legs in stirrups while I visualize how I can incorporate a set of stirrups in my story. The surgeon enters the room to perform the surgery; my hero takes center stage and commands the scene with an overconfident swagger. The surgeon confidently performs an x-ray with contrast, visualizes the stone, inserts a small basket into the patient’s ureter, curses when he drops the stone the first time but removes it on the second attempt. My hero scopes out my heroine, attempts to understand her, and finds himself running into her just on general purpose. He lassoes her heart, but not before he drops the ball on an important occasion, but in the end he delivers a happily ever after.

You’re probably wondering why I’m comparing writing to the removal of a kidney stone. Even though I made a small satire out of the two comparisons, it alleviates a lot of my writer anxiety. There are many gray areas in writing. Yes, there are specific rules one can follow, but I’m a person who feels comfortable only with experience. In my early years as a surgical nurse, I sweated the small stuff. I’ve learned the most by experiencing a situation in a swim or drown fashion. I had to rely on my own instincts, and thankfully, I had enough nursing experience in another field to carry me through the process. My writing experience has followed the same path. I wrote my first story by the seat of my pants, because I had no idea what I was doing. I totally relied on the passion I felt for the characters. I continued to write because of the encouragement I received from my peers. I continue in the field of nursing because I find reward in the healing process. If I haven’t learned anything else about writing, the most important thing that pulls me out of the darkness is my belief in what I want my characters to achieve. A part of me always feels every struggle, every tear, and every triumph that I create on the page.

The hardest and darkest points in my life have been about doubt in my ability and regretting not doing more when I had the chance. The most shining moments in my life have been about believing that good follows all the strife and effort I have experienced in this world. The more I write, the more I believe that good will come.