by Marnee | January 7th, 2010
And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath
I’ve started a new story. This is the third time in so many years I’ve started something new.
As I remain unagented and unpublished, you can assume my first two attempts haven’t gone the way I hoped. There are a number of reasons for what’s gone on with them but that isn’t what I’m going to address here today.
Instead, I want to talk about what it means to keep moving forward with those kinds of experiences behind us.
Everyone reads the tales of quick success. The author who writes one story and sends it to the dream agent who says yes. Said dream agent then sends it to the author’s dream publisher who also says yes. Just like that. No learning curve. No first book (or three books… or five…) that stays under the bed while the writer hones their craft. No mountain of rejections or unfortunate critique experiences. Just a story that the industry immediately loves sent out into a world that immediately loves it too.
I’d love to say I’m not jealous… but I am. I’d love to say I’m not discouraged… but sometimes I am. Not always, just sometimes.
Oh there are positive things too. I’ve come a really long way as a storyteller. I’ve had some contest finals. I’ve met a fabulous support system of writers who inspire me.
But as I sit in front of my new story, it’s been hard—so far—not to second-guess each word I type. The right wording? The best place to start? Deep enough POV?
I don’t know the answers to those things. Part of me says, “Just write it, if it isn’t the right wording/start/POV you’ll find out further along.” And another part, the part that paralyzes me, says, “Why are you bothering at all? It’s going to suck, end up under your figurative bed like everything else.”
Sigh.
I’d like to say “No it won’t!” to that voice, but I don’t know that. I don’t know if this story will do any better out in the big bad world than the last two attempts. I have no idea if this is the story that brings me success in the marketplace. Will it be better than my last story? Probably. Good enough? No clue.
But maybe it will. I’d love to say I’ll be happy just writing for the rest of my life, no matter if I publish or not. But I’d be lying. I want to publish. That’s the goal I see at the end of all this. I won’t stop, though, if I don’t publish after this book. I can’t see that I’ll stop after the next one either. I can’t foresee a stop point at all, honestly. Because I keep thinking if I keep going forward, odds will favor me. I’ll get exponentially better and, if I get a little sprinkle of luck, I’ll eventually hit the jackpot.
I just need to keep going. And that’s what I tell myself when I’m doubting my words on my new story. Keep going.
So, what keeps you from giving up? Any fabulous inspirational quotes about writing you can share to get us going? Or any author’s publishing stories that prove that perseverance pays off?
I haven’t published, but I did get my agent in August. Which, I’m sure right now, you’re like, thanks, Ely, for reminding me about that because okay, I’m going to tell you a little secret about myself, and I think some people can identify with this. I hope, or I’m just a selfish bitch *g*.
I was extremely happy and excited when my two cps got agents and sold.
But OMG, it was HARD. I was jealous! And it just made me want all of it more.
Okay, so if anyone knows anything about preserverance, it’s me.
Marnee.
I’ve buried two books. I cried when I buried book 1, because I LOVED that book. Yes, it’s flawed and it’s got major problems but I cut my teeth on that book. That book saved me when I was going through a horrible time. And then with book 2, I learned a lot on that book, mainly how to write setting and it was the first time that the sex scenes were actually hot (Tiff, shut up on Noah being too emo for you), but, oh man that book WAS SERIOUSLY FLAWED. But do you want me to tell something?
It took a lot of beatings for me to bury those books. Mss #1 took about 89 rejections from agents and editors before I finally tucked it away. There are sometimes urges I get to revisit that story b/c I do still believe in the concept of it, but not yet. Mss #2 took less rejections, about 50 or so. I had really near calls with TACOM (mss 1) and like four requests with LAYLOM (mss 2).
But by Mss 2, I knew when to tuck it away. It was hard and it was painful, but it was also a little easier to do. (Also whenever I decide to torture myself now, I bring up those old mss and try to read them. OMG they are bad!!!!)
By the point when I was tucking away mss 2, I was working on mss 3—AS YOU WISH. I actually got the idea of that last summer—a brief flash of a scene that started the whole thing, of a rock star, performing drunk on stage, and I wanted to know what is his story.
When I started writing it October ’08, I just *knew* I had something. I knew his voice, I knew the heroine’s voice . . . I’m going to tell you something, that I’ve pretty much only told my cps.
But when I started AYW, I knew that how I wrote and handled mss 1 and 2 COULD NOT be repeated in AYW. I had to come at AYW w/ a whole new ballgame and writing thing. I was determined not to repeat the mistakes I made in my mss under the bed.
So what did I not do in AYW?
Okay. Well, I made sure the conflict was really high. That the plot was solid. That I went deep with characters (and this means that, for me, that the characters spoke to me, and I heard them), and that I added sensory details, etc., etc. I wrote synopsis (many versions of it but shhh) about 20K into the book.
I ditched that first 20K. Started over. Wrote about 75K. This was when you and I were doing a word challenge thing on your blog. I had a better beginning and there were scenes I liked. But in mid January ’09, I ditched 45K. And tightened things. I basically wrote about 60k by the Ides of March, when AYW was done.
So you think I’m done, right? You think, oh Ely had an easy time w/ agents.
You’d be wrong.
Yes. I got a lot more requests with AYW. A LOT. That’s one thing I knew was going to be different—that by the amount of requests I’d received that I had something. But I got rejections, too. I had to wait.
And oh yeah, when I got my agent. I had to revise the novel. Big time.
But this is what I’ll tell you. I never gave up. Oh, I wanted to, Marnee. Tiff can tell you the times I was IMing her and crying and telling her that I was going to quit. That I obviously sucked major ass donkey balls. That I wasn’t good enough.
I sometimes fooled myself in thinking I could quit.
But the next morning, or even a couple of hours later, I got myself together. Because I couldn’t quit. That’s what separates us from many who tried querying and failed. They gave up.
You’re not a quitter. You’re a fighter and a survivor. Trust me on this. This is hard right now. But you’re learning a lot about yourself. You’re learning that you’re tough. You’re learning how much you want it. And you’re learning that you’re never going to give up until you do get it.
Marnee, you will be a published author. (Tiff made me say this when I always stressed out, when I cried, when I got really bitchy.) You have to believe in yourself and in your writing, but you will get there. As long as you keep working at it and trying with everything that you have. As long as you don’t give up.
Which you won’t ever do. Because you want it. I can feel it from the blog I’m reading. It’s why I’m writing such a long ass, public response to you. I can feel your pain. I lived through your pain, Marnee. Trust me. You will get an agent. You will sell. And one day, you’ll come across a blog where an aspiring writer is going through this same thing you’ve gone through and you’re going to give that write the encouragement she needs.
I believe in you. And I know you believe in yourself. So dust this hurt off and get back to what you were born to do.
Write.
I think you probably have to experience this sort of rejection to really understand. I remember that for quite a long time, Maggie was making jokes about her lumpy mattress, stuffed with rejected manuscripts. But look at her now. She’s unstuffing that mattress and will soon be rolling in the lolly.
Elly is rationalising her situation and has decided that the rejections had a point. I have read a little of her manuscripts, just snippets that she has posted, and liked them a lot. The ‘faults’ in her manuscripts may have a lot to do with market forces IMO.
It seems to me that agents are all about market forces. The agents are looking for books that they can easily sell with minimum effort. With such a large input from budding authors, supply and demand dictates that they will be very choosy, and literary merit may not be that high on their priority list.
For the author it only needs one published book to break the damn, one agent who thinks it will sell and like Maggie you will then be resurrecting those manuscripts.
I noticed that Melissa has published with Lulu. I would be quite interested to hear of her experience as well. I noticed that PDF versions can be downloaded but the site does not indicate whether they are encrypted. I would want to read them using text to speech software.
Fascinating blog Marnee, I think its going to be an interesting day!
You can’t give up because you are a writer, my friend. You can’t give up because you want to become a published author.
Like Ely, I’ve buried two books. I remember, as I was writing the second book (somewhere around the middle point of the story) I KNEW I was going to have to bury it. I loved that book. I loved the characters. I loved the story. I still wrote to the end of the story knowing I would never query it.
Why?
I was still learning my voice. Still learning how to tell a story, how to add conflict, deep POV, learning how to write some kick ass dialogue. I wanted to learn as much as possible before I hit the next project. That was the only thing that kept me going. My determination to be published.
It’s what we do as writers. We hone our craft.
Yes, it sucks at times. It can be hard watching everyone around you seeing their dreams fulfilled, while you putter away in stagnant water.
When I wrote The Surrender of a Lady I knew I had something. Much like Ely knew she had something with As You Wish. There was just this feeling. I was scared shitless when I was writing it, because it can’t be compared to anything, it’s hard to explain without making it sound like an erotic fantasy.
Being scared didn’t stop me from making it the best book I could make it. I had two books already under my belt, I knew my voice at this point. I knew how to write a story. I got feedback. From about a million contests. From writing friends. From my CPs over and over and over again. I didn’t take all their advice. But I was at a point in my writing where I could subjectively listen to what others said.
I made a lot of changes based on contests, and friends, etc. Because I believed in the story. I believed that I could tell it like no one else and that I refused to tuck it under the bed.
Like Ely, I had a lot of rejection previous to this book and I was querying less agents. I didn’t have that when I started querying The Surrender of a Lady. Which told me I was on the right path.
I don’t know if all writers ‘know’ when they have to right book. But I imagine at least half of them do.
I’m going to say the opposite of what Q has to say. It’s not always about supply and demand and a book that is easily saleable.
I wrote a controversial book. I wrote a book that wasn’t easily defined as a romance. I wrote a book that my agent told me flat out when she signed me that she wasn’t sure she could sell. Yes, I’m saying that in public. It’s the truth. But my agent stood behind me because she loved the story and was going to do her best to sell it.
You don’t need inspirational quotes, Marn. You need to surround yourself with writing friends that get where you are coming from. That want the same thing as you. That you can YIM in the middle of the night and cry that you are such a failure and will never make it. Because those are the people that will let you cry on their shoulder then make you pick your sorry self up off your ass and push harder for what you want.
I believe in you, Marnee. Like I believe in Maggie. Like I believe in Kris. Like I believe in Ely.
No wonder my ears were burning!
I started sort-of-writing in 2003. Did not have the first idea what I was doing, and wrote a bunch of novellas I tried to cobble together and sell. Uh, no. It wasn’t until I had written four full-length books that I got my agent in 2008, and the riskiest, scariest book attracted her attention. So it really took me 5 years and a zillion words to get anywhere.
But I never thought of quitting. I also never believed I’d get published, LOL. I’m happy that I was proved wrong.
Perseverance is all we have–trends and markets change, but that keen desire to express yourself and let your imagination soar has to be present. The economy has changed publishing forever, and it’s probably not the most sensible thing to want to be a writer. But you already ARE a writer, so just keep going. You can’t do anything less now, can you?
You’ll make it there Marn. That’s the great thing about having such a supportive community. Even those moments when you’re not sure if you believe in yourself, you know the rest of us haven’t stopped.
Push the envelope. Go all out. Write until you hear the voice in your head saying, “I don’t think you can get away with that,” and then keep going. Don’t hold a single thing back.
This is one of my favorite quotes about writing:
In my opinion, what makes a writer is the doing it. Day after day, it’s the hunger to be better. To create. A willingness to take the knocks when they come. To work through the days when it feels like you are doing the writing equivalent of pushing a turnip through a fine sieve. And then, again, it’s about loving the writing when you hit a groove that makes the process feel pure magic.
~ Natasha Oakley
Living the Creative Life
Ely’s post this morning is just beautiful, but she said something else almost exactly a year ago that I found just as inspiring and have kept all this time. Sorry Ely, but I’m reposting it here
You know why I write? It’s not because I can’t imagine a day without writing. It’s because I CAN imagine a day without writing; I know what it’s like to stifle dreams and not pursue them because it’s too damn scary. Anyone who is a writer is one who says I know the odds and I’m going to do it anyway. I know what it’s like to not have a voice and to shut away pain because “boys will be boys.” I write because if I can in my 300 plus page story take someone away from their problems, from their cares, and get them lost in a good book and make them hope, then that’s all worth it. I write because it’s who I am, and life without writing is not as bright and colorful and hopeful as one with writing in it.
First of all, just as a general comment here…. It *might* be my pregnant hormones, but I bet not. By the end of the comments so far, I had tears running down my face.
Thank you, all of you, for all your kind words and your inspiring thoughts. They mean a lot to me.
XOXO
Ely – Thanks for sharing your journey with me (us). Stories like yours remind me that I’m not alone, not the only one who’s struggled and scratched their way into the marketplace. That there are others who have been where I am. And you’re right; I don’t quit and I am tough. I think for a lot of us, sheer stubbornness keeps us from chucking it all. And your advice is great. I’m going to shake this off and get going forward. Because that’s the only option I’ve got.
I do admit, that while I envy you guys who have your agents and contracts, who are waiting on your release days, I also find you all incredibly inspiring. I’ve surrounded myself with people who are making it, who are doing what I want to do. I couldn’t be in better company. And if people really are who they hang out with, then I’m a very very blessed lady.
I don’t quit because of blogs like this, because of commenters like the ones we have, because of my fellow pirates who understand, support, and cheer even when we all want to cry.
Q – I’m not sure I’ll be resurrecting anything. LOL! Those first two Mss are where they are for a reason. I haven’t officially given up on the second yet. It’s had some positive response. But you’re right about agents being driven by the market. They’re trying to make a living and no one can blame them.
Tiff – Thanks to you too, for sharing your story as well. You and Ely really got me sappy this morning, with your emotional responses. While you didn’t give an inspirational quote, your response was inspiring enough. And I think your theme–to follow your heart–definitely hits home for me.
I wish I could be as uplifting and inspirational as everyone else, but I can’t. The reason I haven’t quit is guilt. I’ve sunk a lot of time and money into this writing thing, and I’ve said I’m going to do it. Haven’t done a damn thing really. But guilt is pretty damn powerful in the mind of a cradle Catholic.
I have no doubts you’ll make it, Marn. No doubts at all.
Maggie – And look at you now! This year is going to be so fabulous for you and it couldn’t have happened to a nicer lady.
You’re right, of course. I can’t really stop writing. And perseverance is all we can control in the publishing scenerio.
I love the quote Hal posted from Ely last year. I can imagine what it would be like to stop writing. I just don’t like that picture of reality either. LOL! So if I have to choose between this–sometimes feeling discouraged, sometimes feeling a little sucky–or not writing at all, I’ll take what I’ve got anyday.
Hal – Fabulous quote. And I don’t have words here for all the stuff you’ve done to keep me going over the past year or so. But you’re right on something; how can I ever consider giving up when the rest of you haven’t lost faith in me yet?
And, of course, Hell boils it down to the basic. You guys keep me going.
Ter – LOL! Ah, good ole Catholic guilt. It’s definitely a fabulous motivator. LOL!!
Eloisa James said at the NJ conference in 2008 that she started writing because she just wanted to make money. At least that’s what she told herself, even if she wasn’t being completely honest with herself. And she told us that we should grab on to whatever motivates us and hold on tight. I like that thought.
I’m very basic. *LOL*
Drinking also helps.
This weather is not helping with motivation and keeping self-doubt at bay. Just gotta keep in mind that Spring is around the corner.
Hells, I love your ability to just cut things to the quick.
The drinking thing needs to wait until June. LOL!
I agree about the weather. It’s like the entire continent is entering an ice age.
How about hot cocoa? Is that allowed? That makes me feel better too.
It is very inspiring to read the comments today. Even “guilt” is inpiring because I know I’m not alone. I’ve sunk uncountable amounts of time and uncounted amounts of money, if you add up that time, on my passion to be a writer. What else might have I accomplished if not for this obsession? The funny thing is, I finished last year saying that same thing. What else might I accomplish because I had finished a book?
That’s not publishing a book, but it keeps me going. I self pubbed, after really only a less than a dozen of rejections. Not that I have illusions it didn’t have flaws. It was more about not putting the book under the bed. It kept me moving forward.
I sometimes think it would make sense to write “smaller,” as in shorter, maybe a few novellas or category to see if I can get those elusive feel good publishing credits. If the odds of publishing one big book seem like trying to sell a mountain, why not throw out smaller…(sorry, this is bad)…rocks, pebbles? But I’ve thought that for a long, long time…I keep saying I’ll do that — after this big, big idea. If you find you have big plot then there are going to be longer waits. Even if you are prolific by book standards…the market for mountains is small.
Keep writing mountains! I haven’t read your work, but your topics and the research you invested are amazing!
If anything, the market being over the top selective makes me want to be a little crazy in my writing. I’ve been seeing blog posts asking for more from an author. A blog from agent Donald Maas said basically that they didn’t want “timid” writing. I think that can be encouraging to go for it. It goes with what Hal says:
Push the envelope. Go all out. Write until you hear the voice in your head saying, “I don’t think you can get away with that,” and then keep going. Don’t hold a single thing back.
That in itself keeps me going.
Melissa – I’m struggling with the not being “timid” thing right now. I’ve learned being over the top or exaggerating doesn’t come naturally to me. So I have to work at it. But it’s a good feeling when I think I’ve accomplished it. That’s something I can cling to, try to do it again and get that feeling again.
Not that I’ll be throwing in aliens anytime soon *glances in Chancey’s direction* but it’s baby steps and I’ll take it.
Hells – I love love love hot cocoa. That makes me feel good too.
Melissa – Keep writing mountains is great great advice! So is don’t be timid. I don’t know if I’m being timid. I don’t feel like I am, but sometimes I wonder…. Hmmm… things to investigate in this book….
Bo’sun – I like the idea of exaggerating writing. I’m not sure I’ve done that, but I think it’s a good way to push the limits.
Your post, Marnee, and the responses it evoked show how powerful honesty is. It strikes chords within us all. My guess is that most writers, published as well as aspiring, are tempted at times to give it up and opt for a saner life. That’s one of the reasons writer friends are vital. They believe for us when our belief in ourselves dims to near extinction.
Anne Lamott, in Bird by Bird, writes, “The discouraging voices will hound you–’This is all piffle,’ they will say, and they may be right. What you are doing may just be practice. But this is how you are going to get better, and there is no point in practicing if you don’t finish.” Persevering to the finish is reason to celebrate even if the finished product does prove to be practice. So hurrah for all the finished mss under beds and in inactive folders on hard drives and hurrah for all that are published and will be published this year or the next or some other year. Hurray for persistence and courage and hurray for friends who keep believing in us!
*grumble
I made up me mind yesterday ta jus’ get me feet underneath me and move. Been stuck fer more than a month. And I swear, the call story from the guest the other day jus’ fried me toes.
I’ve always had it easy wit’ me writin’. School writin’. Always been praised, drew the good grades, came easy. Really hard to discover ya got ta start over again when pickin’ up these sorts a’ work.
Yer blog coulda’ been written by most a’ us, Marn. I’ve gone the days/weeks/months a’ not writin’ and I do miss the magic. But the feet are jus’ out a’ shape and lost all the blisters and touch areas that make the miles come easy. Fer the first time since I been writin’…I got no new ideas. Least nothin’ that makes me want ta open a doc and type somethin’…though I do have one in the back a’ me head that involves underwater aliens
(Stuck on avoidin’ the editin’ instead…)
No magical words. But the Kraken is there fer tossin’ yer voice ta. I been hoardin’ me critical comments so he’s likely hungry… Mayhaps today be the day I toss all a’ ‘em ta the beastie and get goin’ meself…inspired by yer bravery in speakin’ out.
What keeps me from giving up? Genetics? A stubborn nature? Nah …. I don’t feel like a stubborn person. Maybe it just comes down to the fact that in the end, I really don’t feel like getting bitched out by Bette Davis. That’s right, I said Bette Davis.
And no I’m not crazy (IMO) .
You’ve been cussed out by Bette too. I know you have. Bette Davis is that cool, sophisticated, worldly woman that lives in your head. She is that voice … That Voice inside you who holds you accountable for your actions.
Bette Davis. She is the voice of your Inner Judge. If she shows up (usually at 2 0r 3 in the morning) then you’re in trouble. Cuz she’s no lady. She’s a broad. A Dame. She is a hard-as- steel hard ass that won’t put up with your excuses or BSing. And she is going to ask you some hard questions. Questions like “Why? Why did you give up on your Dream?”
Try hitting her with an excuse like “It was just a silly dream.Sooo … Oh, don’t let’s ask for the moon. We’ve already got the stars.” and she’ll reply
“You should know me well enough by now to know I don’t ask for things I don’t think I can get … The key to life is accepting challenges. Once someone stops doing this, he’s dead.”
If you give up on a dream make sure that you do it for the right reasons. Don’t do it because achieving your dream feels hard … near impossible. My 16 year old told me the other day “I Hate losing more than I like winning.” I think that many people feel like my DD. And I believe that some of those people give up on their dreams prematurely because they fear losing.
What does Bette Davis, aka your Inner Judge, have to say about dreams? She said “To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over lonely labor, to be given a chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy. “ IMO Writing is hard, lonely labor . But it’s a labor of love. Don’t give up on the things that you love. Don’t get discouraged and give up the meat-and-potatoes of who you are because your gravy boat is empty. Don’t do it unless you can explain to the Bette Davis that lives in your head … Why.
“You know what I’m going to have on my gravestone?
“No. What are you going to put on your gravestone, Bette?”
“She did it the hard way.”
“Well heck Ms Davis, don’t we all?”
Quantum you can have Humphrey Bogart for your Inner Judge.
I <3 Julie.
And now I have “Bette Davis Eyes” running through my head…
But she’s right!!!
I’m getting all kinds of good things today. You guys are awesome.
Janga – “But this is how you are going to get better, and there is no point in practicing if you don’t finish.” This is fabulous. I haven’t picked up Lamott’s book since college but I really should.
And I see what you mean about the honesty thing. It doesn’t make me feel good to admit that sometimes I’m envious or that sometimes I don’t feel as confident about myself as I wish I did. But I don’t think I’m alone. Thank goodness. And those I envy must know that my envy doesn’t come at the expense of their happiness. I’m absolutely so proud and happy for those who are doing so well, who keep pushing forward and tackling new milestones.
I just wish I didn’t feel like sometimes I were going backwards.
Chance – underwater aliens, huh? Now that sounds interesting!
And don’t worry, sweet, the ideas will come back. It’s hard to be motivated over the holidays. You’re uber-creative. Before you know it, you’ll be beating those ideas back.
Julie – wow. You’re brilliance always gets me. Just being around you, reading these kinds of posts, inspires me.
I LOVE this… ” Don’t give up on the things that you love. Don’t get discouraged and give up the meat-and-potatoes of who you are because your gravy boat is empty. ” This is the best best best analogy I’ve ever read about writing. This really encapsulates that burn in me (all of us?) to write. It’s who we are, though meat and potatoes definitely does taste better with some gravy. LOL!!
Oh, Hal, thank you for letting me know that.
Marnee, I didn’t know that you’re pregnant. So congrats!!! But Tiff remarked on something that I also need to add to. Tiff told you how her book was highly controversial and not a typical romance, but she still got an agent and sold.
So . . .
AS YOU WISH is totally not controversial and it’s definitely a typical contemporary romance. But . . . I have a rock star hero.
You know how many people told me I wouldn’t get an agent or sell this book because I had a rock star hero? A LOT.
But not writing AYW and believing in what others think is “acceptable” in romance in terms of plot, heroes/heroines, etc., well, that’s just plain ridiculous.
I had to listen to my voice, my gut, my instincts that screamed at me that this idea, that this book—AYW—was *the* book.
He’s not the greatest character in HAMLET, and what he says is a bit ironic in context, but besides that, what Polonius says to Laertes is vital for any writer: “To thine ownself be true.”
I think what really changed for me with AS YOU WISH was that I finally and fully embraced my voice. For the longest time, I thought that me writing light and funny was wrong. That I needed to be dark and serious. But with AYW, I let all of that go. I embraced who I was as a writer, and once I did that, everything fell into place.
I’m lucky. I have a strong support system and people that believe in me and push me on. Kris, Maggie, and Tiff are great cps and friends. Tiff pushes me to be a better writer and tell a better story; I do the same for her. But, like Tiff, I know what things I want to take from my cps and what things I choose to ignore. As many people know, in the past, especially with mss 1, I was ignoring my voice and including suggestions, etc., that others put in. And as a result, I ignored my story and wasn’t true to myself.
Without a strong support system, it’s really easy to give up. To throw in the towel. To start to wrongly believe that you just suck and aren’t meant to be a writer.
But it’s not enough that others believe in you. You have to believe in yourself. If you don’t think, deep down (that part of yourself where you keep all your dreams and hopes and wishes, the part that you guard from trolls and people who don’t wish you the best), that you’re worth it, that you can’t do it, that what you have is not worth getting an agent or for an editor to buy, then you’ll never get anywhere.
Beleive in yourself. That’s the most empowering thing a writer can do for herself.
Yes, it’s scary. Believe you me, I was scared shitless when I wrote AYW and when I finally embraced my voice, but it was also . . . freeing. It was exhilerating.
So maybe it boils down to this:
Choices.
You can choose to either believe that you’re never going to be published or find an agent.
Or you can choose to believe that you will, despite all the odds saying that you won’t.
Because if I can find an agent (and I had 173 rejections), and if Tiff can find an agent for her gripping book, and if Maggie can find an agent, and if Anna Campbell can find an agent after 20 years, and so on and so on and so on . . .
Then so can you.
Oh, Quantum, you’re just lovely for saying that about me. Your support has always meant the world to me. Thank you for that; it was needed today.
And, yes, Marnee, even after you get an agent, you’ll open up a whole new can of worms of worry and doubts and stress and sessions of IMs where you’re crying to your CPs. It never ends.
It’s never moving backwards, Marnee. It’s merely you moving forward, in just a different direction, than what you’d expected.
And actually the story of how AYW came to be started at the EJ/JQ BB around three years ago. EJ made a comment along the lines of it was near to impossible to write a rock star hero b/c of the lifestyle. And a lightbulb moment went over my head where I went: but I could write one and I will one day, and it’ll be awesome. I, somewhat arrogantly thought, I’ll do for rock star heroes what SEP did for sports star heroes. I’ll make them accessible.
But I didn’t start writing the story. Because I didn’t have one. I just knew that I could write a rock star hero and that I would. Other book ideas took hold and the rock star hero lightbulb dimmed.
Then I read SEP’s NATURAL BORN CHARMER. It has a secondary romance with a rock star hero. I actually loved that story just as much as the h/h, if not more. But I felt shortchanged. I wanted more about the rock star. I wanted books. I couldn’t find any rock star hero books, and if I find one, I didn’t like it.
And I thought to myself: well, if I want to read a romance with a rock star hero, there has to be more.
But the idea didn’t come to me until June ’08.
So it might take awhile for an idea to blossom, to come to fruition fully, but it will and it’ll change everything.
Quantum you can have Humphrey Bogart for your Inner Judge
Julie, Of all the rum joints in all the ships in all the world, you walk into mine. *grin*
Actually I already have an inner Judge. He’s called Albert Einstein.
When I start to moan that its all just too difficult, and I can’t solve it, Albert smiles knowingly and pats me on the head saying “Yes my boy, but we have to try”. Then, somehow, it all seems a lot easier.
Ely – thanks for the congrats! Almost halfway through the pregnancy but feeling great. I’m supposed to find out what I’m having in a couple weeks.
And of course I’m finding out. I’m a Virgo folks. I must PLAN!! 
I think that you make some fabulous points about following your own star here. Listen to what you want. And I think that a lot of that stems from us all looking for certain books, the ones we wish were on the shelves but just aren’t written yet. Then we go about writing that book.
Whether it’s that hero or that conflict or that time period or whatever.
Finding the next “trend” doesn’t work. Trying to fit some mold of what we think we are doesn’t either. I think this elusive book/story/career only comes when we start to embrace what’s inside us, that little piece that sets us apart. And it’s scary because it sounds different than the rest of the world. In a good way.
I could do an underwater alien rock star…just fer the challenge!
Julie – Can I use Katherine Hepburn or Lauren Bacal instead of Betty? Those eyes do tend ta make me shiver…
Q – Do ya have an Einstein bobble head? (Saw one in that Night at the Museum movie the other night and thought they were brilliant. No pun intended!)
As with many of the posts here, what ispires me is seeing and reading about others who are trying as hard as me. Who are as passionate as me. Whether we have met or not there is a knowing nod when you read those words that says “I identify with you”.
I also took a look at some “Rejection letters publishers wished they had never sent”. I will list a few that brought a tear to my eye.
On Sylvia Plath
‘There certainly isn’t enough genuine talent for us to take notice.’
Watership Down by Richard Adams
‘older children wouldn’t like it because its language was too difficult.’
The Diary of Anne Frank
‘The girl doesn’t, it seems to me, have a special perception or feeling which would lift that book above the “curiosity” level.’
So to me, it is the fact that we are not alone in this bid to become noticed. Our hearts may be crushed by the thought that nobody may ever see the fire that we have created – that we so love. But we continue, like others have continued, because one day we will find our match.
Q – That’s is the coolest thing, to have Einstein as your guide. I need to figure out who could sit on my shoulder and pat me on the head when I need reminded to keep trying. I love that image.
Chance – An underwater alien rock star? Would he play on Neptunes? (So bad. LOL!)
*groan!
New drink! A Neptunes! In celebration a’ alien rock stars and other oddball ideas!
Pardon, make that underwater alien rock stars!
Chance, are you keeping a virtual bartender’s guide to all these drinks?
Heck Chance you may choose anyone … or thing ( Herbie the Lovebug anyone?) … to be the voice of your Inner Judge. Pick someone that you are comfortable with. But not so comfortable that you ignore their advice and admonishments. Katherine Hepburn and Lauren Bacal are both great choices. I’ve got another woman that you might like. Yes that sounds a bit odd, but humor me here. Beautiful and innocent looking, She seemed as fragile as a flower. But behind that face was a will of iron. She was intelligent. Her business savvy was the stuff of legends. And No studio head could intimidate her. Here are some of Her words …
Make them laugh, make them cry, and hack to laughter. What do people go to the theatre for? (Or in your case, why do people read a book?) An emotional exercise. I am a servant of the people. I have never forgotten that.
If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.
Want your Inner Judge to be the voice of a woman who believes in Another chance, Chance? Then you should pick the sweet face, tuff minded … Mary Pickford !
And
Sorry for hi-jacking your blog with movie Stars, Marnee!
Such great posts today! I really have been inspired by them. I’m trying to revise a chapter today, and thought it would be easy-breezy, but I feel like I’m mired in tar pits, going down for the count! I know what I want to do, and the easy thing would be to just QUIT.
But I remind myself this is a marathon, not a sprint. If it doesn’t work today, or if my confidence takes a holiday, it’s better the next day. I just keep plugging along, one foot in front of the other til I’m closer to my goal (assuming the goal isn’t on wheels that are zooming the other direction!)
Now I’ve just got to figure out which movie star is MY inner voice. . .
Julie, is ok about the movie stars. Though I have no idea who Mary Pickford is. ??
Donna – I’m glad we inspired you today!
You’re right too; a marathon, not a sprint. LOL!!
Julie – that be perfect and likely much more real ta me than the great Katherine Hepburn or Lauren Bacal… Where ya get all this movie star trivia quote stuff? Ya read a lot a’ star bios?
And, aya, I keep track a’ the drinks. I mayhap missed one here or there, but I gots most a’ them listed. If not figured out totally…
Though I did a rum test wit’ nine varieties a few nights ago. (Ask Terrio, I got pretty loopy wit’ me e-mails.) And pronounced Tattoo rum, by Captain Morgan, as the clear winner outta the nine. Don’t mean there ain’t better out there, but so far…he’s tops in me book!
Marn – Mary Pickford was one a’ the great silent movie stars. And she were married…ta Douglas Fairbanks. And a contemporary of Charles Chaplin. Ya have probably seen stills a’ her, but didn’t realize it. Fragile appearing, with ringlets of golden curls…and as Julie said, tough as nails and one a’ the first female stars ta demand pay equal ta what she brought the studios.
Chance, when the Great Depression hit in 1929 many businesses went out of business. My grandfather bought out the inventory from some of those stores. So he ended up with an extensive collection of records and movies. He was very passionate about his collection … and sometimes he would share his passion with us. I must confess that as a youngster I didn’t always appreciate what I was seeing … Charley Chaplain … Mary Pickford … Harold Lloyd? Nor did I always appreciate what I was listening to … a 1907 recording of Enrico Caruso … a rare recording of Ella Fitzgerald … Bessie Smith singing the original cut of a song that would become Elvis’ “ You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Hound Dog”. The man taught me how to detect the tiniest little nuances in films. And he taught me how to listen with my mind, not just my ears. I didn’t appreciate how wonderful his lessons were until I became an adult. So I never said thank you. But I think that he knows … And in case you’re wondering … we donated most of his collection to the Smithsonian.
I just had to approve a comment from Kitty so I hope she’ll come back and chime in again.
Marn – Make sure you go up and catch her comment, it’s a good one.
My inner judge would be Louisa May Alcott. I haven’t read any of her work other than Little Women, but I saw a special about her life last week and had no idea she was so fascinating. Or so prolific! The woman made more than $100,000 from her writing during her lifetime, compared to her contemporaries, like Melville, who barely made any.
She was pretty darn cool and I believe having her in my ear would certainly keep me writing.
That’s amazing about the classic music and movie finds, Julie. And how wonderful that your family donated them so we can all experience his collection.
Thanks Ter!
Kitty – thanks for stopping by! And reading these rejections for such fabulous works… well, that gives me some hope. And you’re right; being in this together does take some of the sting out of it. I have no idea how hard it must have been to accomplish these goals before the internet.
Wow, Julie. That is fascinating and I bet the Smithsonian was thrilled to have it all. The music you list sounds so thrilling to hear…
I remember seeing Harold Lloyd in the old Shakey Pizza Parlours, where they used to show old black and white movies while you ate pizza. Man had a plastic face and did stunts that were hair raising!
Shit. I was fucking crying reading this post and the comment string…right up until the movie stars. Thank the fucking lord. (sorry man, but this post has caught me on one of those days. I swear we’re channeling each other’s fears and insecurities)
I love you all.
Hi, Marnee and Pirates!
Thank you for your honesty and compassion. I read this post yesterday, and had to let it sink in.
I really needed this right now.
Di
JK – Yesterday was one of those get it all out so we can get back to business kind of days.
Today I’m feeling ready to take on the world again! I hope you are too.
Di – I’m glad if we helped you get going too.