“O Come, O Come Emmanuel” Casting Crowns. There is something about this instrumental song that brings me back to it over and over again. It’s been repeated over 300 times in my iTunes. It’s not at the record of my repeats. I’ve listened to Eclipsed (Evans Blue) almost 500 times.  (Love that song. Still need to write a blog in regards to that song. Hm, will put that on the burner for next time.)

Since I’ve gotten back into my writing, I’m finding that pounding out blogs each week is a little easier for me. Creatively, my well is feeling dry; but my brain is functioning at a higher level than usual. I’m trying to keep in mind that my year horoscope said I’m in for big successes and big life changes. I’m gearing it towards writing because I need all the positive influence and karma I can get at this point. I’ve become more of a circus act trying to pull everything together for entertainment purposes than a multi-tasker so far this year.

Writing for me is much like a production. You have all these players practicing their parts, learning their roles. Everyone has a purpose and a part to play. Like the circus. The main story is out for everyone to see. The daring acts, the high flying stunts and the stories we weave for the crowd, but underneath the surface lies the real truth. You play your part for the crowd, you turn it on when the light shines on you and when the light dims the real story begins.

My characters have taken on new life the last couple of weeks. Finally, I can hear them again through all the responsibility and chaos that has been my life for the past few months. Kiki is eager to get back to her life in the gray area and Sadie is ready to tackle life. Dex is ready to convince Kiki she can’t keep working her life alone and emotionally detached from everyone and everything. Ruiz is working pretty hard to convince me he should sleep with everyone. Ash is quiet. He’s always quiet. He’s making a case study of Kiki. Can’t say as I blame him. She’s pretty internal at this point. If I’d spent five years trying to locate someone who was legally dead in the system, I don’t know if I’d spend much time talking to someone I couldn’t trust any further than I could throw him.

Kiki’s emotional state is far from pretty. Her family is dead. Her life is one calculated risk after another. Kiki doesn’t care.

I’ve been told there is a fine line between making a character redeemable and making a character who turns into the bad guy at the end. Kiki is my tightrope walker.

Writing is a fairly new process to me. I’ve completed projects before. I know to seal the deal between characters. I know my way around a black moment. But this whole concept of reminding myself that a main character has to be redeemable is completely foreign. I know at this point I should just ignore all the rules and regulations but it’s one of those things that once someone puts it in my mind, I can’t let go.

Kiki can’t let go of the fact she’s alone in this world. She tells herself that it’s better for everyone if she remains that way, but when she’s alone at night, she spends her spare time looking for clues to Sadie’s whereabouts.

No one wants to be alone in the world. Not even Kiki, my uber headstrong stubborn main character.

I think I’ll just go with Kiki’s flow and see how we turn out. If she’s deemed unredeemable, well then maybe my writing is just unredeemable. I’m feeling rather indifferent about it at this point. Sort of like my apathy for V-day. It’s just another day in the record books.

More on that soapbox next week.

Do you have emotional tightrope walkers in your writing? How do you personally feel about your own writing and does that emotion sometimes bleed into your characters?