by Donna | August 18th, 2010
I had actually planned a different topic today, and was working feverishly to polish it for presentation to you pirates. Since I may use it at a later date, I don’t want to give away too much just yet. Mmm. I know! I’ll show it to you in code:
%$#@!^*&ion as a Writing #$@!
Anyway, I was working along and then another idea just shoved its way to the front of my brain. Don’t worry. I’ve given up hope that my ideas will have manners one day, since they’re such heathens. But I understood why it had decided to show up now, because last night I had been perusing The Fire in Fiction, by Donald Maass. He is a superstar when it comes to making the writing craft not only easily understood, but easy to put into practice.
Here’s what snagged my attention:
“What about your first and last lines? Suppose you did a first line/last line draft, doing nothing but honing the bookends of every scene in your manuscript. Would those little changes give your story a bigger and more effective shape?”
In my manuscripts, I’ve worked to make sure the first line grabs the reader’s attention and leads them to the next line, and then the next, kind of like handing off the baton in a relay race. Each sentence is supposed to do its part to keep the momentum going, linking to the one behind it, and the one ahead of it.
I’ve also tried to punch up the last line, with the goal to make it irresistible, so the reader won’t set the book down at the end of a scene or chapter. If they do, I hope it’s because they kept reading until Mr. Sandman cold-cocked them. When their snoring finally wakes them up, they had better grab that book and immediately turn the page.
Mr. Maass describes the first/last sentences as bookends, which makes sense, because you want the stuff in between those two sentences to be logically connected, from beginning to end. If they’re NOT, then perhaps the last line needs to show up SOONER, or the first line needs to show up LATER.
However, being the contrarian I am, I want to focus on how the last line leads into the first line. That is an important link, because the last line is setting up the expectation, so the first line had better deliver.
Okay, I’ll be brave and throw out a couple last/first lines for public consumption. I’m not saying I’ve necessarily ACHIEVED the goal of setup and delivery, but I’m trying to keep it in mind as I write and revise.
This is from I Do. . .or Die, my romantic comedy:
Last: I opened the bathroom door, weak-kneed with relief at how I’d just dodged a figurative bullet–to see the barrel of a gun inches from my nose.
First: My hands flew up into the air, like I’d just walked into a stickup.
And here’s a last/first combo from a manuscript I’m revising, called Bad Sex Karma. The poor heroine has been dumped by her boyfriend, at a restaurant, on their anniversary, and after falling apart in the bathroom, she decides to come back out to exact some revenge.
(Mmm. Both of these snippets are in bathrooms. What a curious coincidence.)
Last: I jumped up and grabbed the door handle with such determination, I nearly yanked the door off its hinges.
First: I savagely bit off a piece of bread, wishing my teeth were tearing into Bobo’s black heart instead.
So do we have some others willing to demonstrate their last/first lines? Or how about some last/first lines that you like in a book you’re enjoying now? If not, I’ve socked away some potential topics for tangents we can follow instead!
If I don’t get to Sephora pretty soon, people are going to know what I really look like…
and then I’ll have to kill them.
I can’t believe we’ve hit 100 comments before lunch is over. And on a topic where no one wanted to play. LOL! We could set new records today, me hearteys.
Okay, being in my own story mode, I took the liberty of substituting “Sephoria” for my heroine. In the POV of a villain making her think she’s insane:
If I don’t get to Sephora pretty soon, she will blow my carefully laid plans out of the water. The scandal will ruin us. Unacceptable.
I’ll poison her tea. Yes, that’s what I’ll have to do. She’s been too right, too calm. I needed to push…just a little. That would put us on track.
I swear, I’m trying to get up earlier! I miss so much…
My chapters run anywhere from 8-12 pages. And I know when I’m reading, the need to put the book down and go do something is very frustrated when I’m in the midst of a 30 page chapter. I like to stop at chapters…
DRD, thanks…I thought it was line from paragraph to paragraph. I’ll find one from chapter to chapter…
All the examples sound intriguing and I’m with Hel’s, we need some published to make it easier to read whole stories.
If I don’t get to Sephora pretty soon the teeth whitening will begin to fade and everyone will know about my caffeine addiction.
Yes, Chance, where you been?
I’m supposed to be baking for a wedding and get the goodies in the freezer so I won’t have to do it when school starts. Supposed to be, but this is too fun. 
OK, found a good one, I think.
Emily has been blind blasted by waltzing vampires and is temporarily blind. Silvestri has come to her rescue and is planning seduction. He tells her covering her eyes will help with the pain…
She nodded and he carefully wound a narrow scarf around her short wavy hair, enjoying the brush of it on his fingers. She sat back and he smiled, quite entranced.
This was going to be delightful.
Next chapter
She should be running for the hills. She should be…no, she probably was wrapped tightly in a straightjacket and calmly pounding her head against a rubber wall somewhere.
She was not sitting in a dark tavern, blindfolded, with a man who admitted to dishonorable intentions.
Well, Melissa, been adjusting to pissy nights where night sweats disturb my sleep. Tried a new blanket, fresh sheets and last night went better. But I’m going to start shooting for being up by 8…try to beat the eastern noon time break.
And staying up too late since the husband doesn’t get home until late because of his hated job and so we don’t eat until nearly 9pm, so bedtime gets pushed back…
God, I hate his job. More than he does…
*LOL* Perfect example, 2nd. I always love how one character is like, “This is going to be wonderful!” and the next chapter, the other character would rather have bamboo shoved under her fingernails.
Julie Garwood was so fun at this. I loved how her heroine would be all, “My husband is sooo wonderful” at the end of a chapter, and the opening of the next chapter was always, “Her husband was the devil.” *LOL*
Chance – I love that example. Definitely would not be able to stop reading at that chapter break.
Melissa – So we’re at the top of your HOA? Cool.
Thanks, Hellie! I swear, when I read Donna’s blog last night I just shuddered at the idea of casting such a clinical eye on my MS…
Me merry pirate muse contemplated aiming a pistol at DRD’s cabin…
I’m just too bloody superstitious to embrace this sort of editing!
Chance, you’re example has a great cat and mouse quality to it!
You’re schedule sounds rough to adjust to…I know I’m more of a late night person and had a heck of a time this summer with a 7 am class. Won’t do that again!
Yep, Bo’Sun. Hanging out here is at the top of my HOA today. LOL Everybody has to play sometimes.
Eeek. Two goof’s on possessive of “your.” Your example and your schedule…Just bugging me. LOL Where’d everybody go?
I think everyone went to lunch. Just ate mine at my desk. Now I have to dig into this mystery pile of paperwork on my desk. No telling what’s in here.
Big storms moving through and our power went off a few minutes ago. If I disappear, you’ll know why.
Yes, I’ve been lunching. Good leftovers; however, now I need something sweet. May have to locate the snack machine.
Thanks, Melissa…the trick was keeping Emily’s coping strategy amusing. She could panic and freak, instead she’s taken the course of believing she’s insane and all of this is some massive delusion. Leaves her free to not be so scared. Just wittily pragmatic.
I’m back from the mall. Thank God that’s over — I used to work there a few years ago so every time I go I suffer PTSD. And this time of year (back-to-school) is second to Christmas, so I would have preferred to stay away.
And the mirrors were very mean to me. Here I thought my new wrinkle cream was why my skin looked smoother. But I discovered I’ve gained more weight than I realized, so I’m actually FILLING OUT the wrinkles.
Sigh. Okay, gonna catch up on the comments I missed. . .
LOL, loved the Sephora comments. And Melissa, that was very creepily creative! (pours cup of tea overboard) I’m glad I inspired it — along with your HOA activities. My heart beats with such fierce pride whenever I see you guys embracing it like you do.
Chance, loved the last/first lines! I like how he’s delighted with what’s happening, and she thinks she’s going crazy — instant conflict and tension since they’re both experiencing the event SO differently. Great job. (And my apologies for causing you such distress.)
*dials Hottie’s Hardware Store*
“Um, yeah. I’m looking for a door that can withstand gunfire AND ice pick attacks. Do you have anything like that? You do? Great. Can you send a couple of Hunks over to install that before my next post?”
Hmmm…maybe Hottie Hardware Store should be the theme for Sunday’s blog… Now, where do I find the pics?!
It always amazes me Donna agreed to join the crew, considering how bloodthirsty we are.
LOL, Hellie — I don’t think the bloodthirsty aspect was really emphasized beforehand.
I just need to unleash my Inner Anarchist and my Inner Assasin. LOL I’ve been withholding.
Wouldn’t the Inner Anarchist refuse to be an Assasin since that would sort of be “working for The Man”?
And, Donna, I have very few wrinkles for the exact same reason. *sigh*
Wouldn’t the Inner Anarchist refuse to be an Assasin since that would sort of be “working for The Man”?
You can be an assassin. You can just bump off people you don’t like instead of doing someone else’s list.
I’m glad Sin answered Terri’s question, because my brain was starting to boil — heck, how can I be an Assassin when I can’t even spell the word? (I typed and retyped it to the point it looked weird BOTH ways, so I just went with the last one. LOL)
The weight gain is making me insane. It’s partially thyroid related but the doctor won’t give me the meds just yet — have to wait til my thyroid needs last rites I guess. LOL
Oh well. It’s nice to be wrinkle-free. LOL
Leave it to Sin to have worked out the problems between being an anarchist AND an assassin.
True, Hellie — and I just realized I’d make the perfect assassin since I don’t LOOK like one. LOL They’d look at me and think, “That wrinkle-free butterball? I ain’t afraid of her–wait, is that a gun?” LOL
Well, nice thing about the butterball stuff…you float if you fall overboard.
I could never be a butterball, my hair is too dark. I’m more of a meatloaf.
LOL, Chance — good point! I could just bob along in the ocean. . .
Terri, I nearly spit out my drink! You’re too funny.
Thanks, Donna. I wish the joke wasn’t quite so true. LOL!
You guys need a new tangent. This is supposed to be a fun ship. We’re depressed enough about our writing, do we need to be depressed about our weight too?
Quick tangent: DRD, you need a thyroid support supplement. And this is *not* a cure-all and sometimes thyroid’s can’t be revived without heavy duty shit. But, we’ve had a lot of luck in the clinic with a supplement called, “Thytrophin PMG”. It comes from a company called Standard Process which only sells to healthcare providers. But, you might log onto their website and see if there are any near you that might carry it.
Leave it to Sin to have worked out the problems between being an anarchist AND an assassin.
I had that worked out a long time ago. It was on the top of my game plan.
PS. You guys are even making the CAPTCHA code pissy. My code is 5SAD.
Thanks for the info, Sin — I’ll check it out. I just found out about the thyroid problems last fall, even though I should have suspected since my mom and sister had issues. I just thought the weight issues were from mentalpause. LOL
Sorry for running the ship aground, Hellie. I thought we lasted a long time before we went off on a tangent today, so hopefully we get credit for that!
Maybe I could uncork my new shower gel I bought today — it smells like Jolly Rancher Watermelon candy!
Or maybe I’ll suggest you whip out some more last/first lines! LOL
I *love* tangents; I just want HAPPY TANGENTS. I’m tired…and people at my day job are dropping like flies (no lie), so I’m keenly aware I need to be focusing on some positives.
If we’re going to open up shower gel, I want whatever it is that Ranger uses; I want a long shower; and I want Ranger to scrub my back…can that be arranged?
Nothing positive over here. We’ve got major system breakdown at my day job and trying to get the managers to admit there’s a problem is nearly impossible. Forget trying to get them to DO something about it.
And it’s still storming outside. Loud thunder went off a minute ago and I nearly pee’d myself. LOL!
Wouldn’t it be better if he was scrubbing your front? Or better yet, you scrub his front.
We need more showers on this ship.
Okay I giggled at that image, but big thunderstorms–the big nasty ones that follow nasty hot weather–always feel more dangerous, like you might not live through it.
And I usually love rain/storms/et al. It’s the big brutish, bitchy ones I don’t care for.
Mmm, let me think of a Happy Tangent. Mmm.
Well, this is a tangent. . .but I can’t imagine how happy Sin will be when she finds out about you and Ranger doing the shower gel mambo. LOL
I would love to tangent but I’m running the website on my phone and even with a keyboard it’s hard to write long sentences with my thumbs.
And I agree with Terri — it seems like “front scrubbing” would be more fun.
*locks door to my quarters so nobody can see the nice big spacious shower that can hold one butterball and at least three Hotties*
I just read that.
Heck with Ranger, I have a shower massager…multiple settings and the Nasty Duck is waterproof!
I’m cheerfully going to throw Hellie overboard for a nice long ocean shower if she touches Ranger with his shower gel. That shower gel must be like instant orgasm. Or at least that’s how I imagine it.
I actually have some. It smells like white tea and ginger from B&BW. So in my mind, Ranger’s shower gel really smells like After Hours by Old Spice.
*blinking* You call it the Nasty Duck?
LOL — Sin was inspired to put her thumbs to work!
Can you imagine if I have to go to an orthapaedic DR for thumb pain?
“I have this burning grinding pain in my thumbs.”
DR, nodding, note taking, “And when did you first discover this pain?”
“When I tangented on the blog about my pirate bestie trying to shower with my imaginary boyfriend.”
*blinking* You call it the Nasty Duck?
No, but the Nasty Duck likes to shower with me… and take baths with me.
*crooks eye at Sin* You forget my fine rubber ducky with the clever…battery?
Oh no, I’ve not forgotten about the BOB. I just didn’t realize it was a Nasty Duck. lol
I’m imagining it most likely has an eye patch and pirate hat.
*shaking head* Wait, I don’t want to think about BOB’s owned by pirates. Bad mental image. Must. Get. It. Out. Of. My. Head.
Tea and ginger? On Ranger? No. No, he smells like you described. After hours–dangerous and manly and wonderful.
And yes, it’d be better if he scrubbed my front. I was being euphemistic.
Well, here’a a crazy tangent for ya: I think I’m gonna go try to do some (gulp) WRITING. I know, I know. I must be insane.
*WRITING*?! What’s that? LOL
Alright, if you don’t hear from me tomorrow and Friday, I’ve not been tossed overboard while DRD romps around in her room with the Dial-A-Hotties. I’m tearing out all the computer systems starting in the AM. I’m hoping to have the office back online by Monday.
You forget my fine rubber ducky with the clever…battery?
Huh?
Hey Chanch , did you spell that ducky word right?
We’re going to need life preservers if this keeps going.
I’m headed home. Through the rain. Wish me luck.
*makes note to cut off water to DRD’s cabin*
WTH, I’ve been bopping back and forth between blog, e-mail and MS. Go for it!
*throws Terri’s note away*
Maybe she’ll get rescued by a Navy SEAL on her way home in the storm. I mean, by TWO Navy SEALS, so I can have one.
Thanks for the warning about if you go missing, Sin. It won’t be the same without you. I get dibs on Sin’s stuff in her quarters!
Okay, this time I’m really going to write.