Due to unforeseen circumstances [read: you know how you think you attached a file to an email and you didn't?], your normally scheduled blog has been replaced with this one. No worries, you’ll be able to see the new blog later. So as you know what happens when something live on TV gets bumped by bad weather or writer’s strikes or whathaveyou, you get The Sound of Music! So fire up your singing voices, ladies and gentlemen! The hills are alive…

*Hellion enters the ship’s sound stage wearing a nun-outfit. Cue laughter. Hellion adjusts her wimple, poses her hands before her in an exaggeratedly proper position and starts to sing: *

Hellion:

How do you solve a problem like a first draft?
How do you revise a book you wish would go away?
How do you find the strength to query?
Ben & Jerry’s ice cream?
Rum and Captain Jack?
Paxil?

Many a thing I need to do before I send it;
Many a thing to fix before an Editor sees
But what if it’s as badly written as my inner critic claims?
What if I’m going to need to move to Belize?
How do you solve a problem like a first draft?

Hellion: *warbling slowly*

How do you know when it’s revised enough to please?

*Other pirates also in black smocks and wimples enter stage, same hand pose and start singing: *

The blog is alive with the sound of cheering
With hurrahs we have sung with each book we complete
The blog is alive with the sound of cheering
Typing The End is a victory most sweet.

*Terri steps forward, throws off wimple and strips off smock, revealing a Regency gown; other pirates follow suit, revealing similar gowns*

Terri:  How did this outfit ever become fashionable? You could be Kate Moss and still look pregnant in these dresses? Gah.

Hellion: No idea, Terr, but you look great and not at all pregnant. *stepping forward, holding a guitar*

Hoydens in dresses and Marquises in fashion,
Rakes chasing spinsters and kissing them with passion;
Rides ‘round Hyde Park in a fast coach and four
Oh, life of the Regency rich totally scores!

Bantering intrigues and eye-spying chaperones;
Careful who you kiss or your reputation’s all blown.
A viscount, a marquis, a duke or an earl
Oh, it’s so much fun being a Regency girl!

*The Earl of Mayne swaggers out onto the main stage and all the pirates swoon; Mayne winks charmingly at the camera*

When the dishes pile,
When the kids wail,
When I’m feeling guilty as hell
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I just say: Oh, Well…

*pirates strip again and beneath is revealed to be contemporary clothing*

Chefs cooking in the bedroom and heroines eating cheap noodles,
Agents saving the USA and heroines with poodles;
Rides through the countryside in a bitching black Audi
Oh, life of the contemporary is so delightfully bawdy!

Bantering foreplay and toys with C batteries,
“You’re so gorgeous, my love” and all sorts of flatteries.
An agent, a chef, a billionaire, or a cowboy
Oh, the contemporary life brings so much joy!

When the dishes pile,
When the kids wail,
When I’m feeling guilty as hell
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I just say: Oh, Well…

Hellion:  As we all might know, I’m half-finished with my first draft of my hilarious single title, In the Beginning Again and well, I wrote this little parody to sing for when I do complete it. As you’ll see, I’m very modest.  *blushes*

I am writing, going on finishing, yippee, it’s time to plan.
Agents to entice, Editors to make nice; I need the perfect query at hand!
I have finished, now I have a first draft; Champagne I’ve drunk by score
I shall be in print, making a small mint.
Jude Deveraux, hear me roar!
Totally unprepared am I, to face the Publishing Biz;
Panicky, overwhelmed, and scared am I, of failing a possible pop quiz.
I need someone older and wiser, telling me what to do
I’ll find Christina, NYT author, she’s been a newbie too.

Marnee:  Are you always such a kiss up?

Hellion: Pirate. *smiles at audience* Now, crew, pirates, please join us in the RWR Theme song for the upcoming National Novel Writing Month, which as pirates none of us have planned for.  All together now:

Pirate crew, pirate crew,
Every morning you greet me
Nag and yell,
Giving me hell
Where’s my word count to greet thee

Here’s my page count, cut me some slack,
Cut me some slack, you termagants
Pirate crew, pirate crew,
Where would my word count be without you?

Hellion: Well, that’s all we have today. Tomorrow we’re going to have the incomparable Miranda Neville on the ship, telling us about her new book The Wild Marquis! In the meantime, how has your writing been coming? Anything you’ve read lately you’ve been dying to talk about? How about TV shows? Anyone love the new Life Unexpected?

Most of my post-traumatic stress flashbacks are high school related. I’m sure that doesn’t exactly count in most mental facilities because being shot at is always much more stressful than having to go to Algebra class, but some days, I’d rather just be shot at. Take for instance, the FOIL method. You know this one: first, outer, inner, and last. It’s used to multiply two binomials, whatever the hell those are.

As you can imagine, my Algebra teacher lied because I’m relatively certain I have not used the FOIL method or almost any part of algebra in my everyday life since I graduated. Thank you, God.

Fortunately, math class wasn’t the only place we learned about foils. We also learned about foils in literature. For me, these types of foils made much more sense. A foil character is a person who is used to make another character, usually the main character, stand out more, done by contrast. The term comes from the word foil which is a jeweler’s practice of placing polished metal (foil) beneath a gemstone to make it shine more brightly. (Doesn’t that sound lovely? You’re making your book shine. Besides, I love jewelry.)

And whether you’ve even heard of the term foil character or not, I’m sure you could identify one without even thinking about it. In fiction, we frequently use mentors and/or best friends as foils to the hero/heroine. Roguish Captain Jack Sparrow is a foil to the honorable Will Turner. Will wants to ask permission; Jack wants to get forgiven (or at least not hanged) when all is said and done. Will wants to rescue the girl; Jack wants to save his own skin. Will wants to be a good and noble blacksmith with a good and noble sailor for a father; and Jack wants to be a pirate. Both of them get the job done, but differently.

In the Essex sisters series (Eloisa James), the sisters are foils to each other. Tessa, the oldest, is the caring, mother-nurturer one; Annabel is the mercenary one (so to speak, not wanting to marry for romance); Imogen is the romantic (can’t get any more romantic running off with neighbor boy gambler!); and Josie is almost a blend of the other three: caring, mercenary, and romantic (sensitive to what others think; practical in that she makes a list of what she needs to do to capture a man; romantic in that secretly she wants to be loved for herself.) And they all end up mentoring each other on some level throughout the books.

Foils are useful. They add contrast; they give humor. Best of all, if your FOIL character is likable enough, you can use them in another book.

So here is my FOIL method for making foil characters. It’s a lot easier than algebra and you’re much more likely to use it in your everyday life. FOIL stands for: Funny, Opposite, Insightful, and Lovable.

Funny: this character is usually used for comedic effect, even if he’s the “straight man” and isn’t dropping one-liners. However, mentors and sidekicks (which can sometimes be played as the same character in a story) frequently are given the best lines. They can say things that the hero/heroine can’t. And really, it’s the least we can do for them: giving them the funny lines, because the hero is the one who’s going to get the girl, right? Throw the guy a bone. For instance, in Pleasure for Pleasure, Imogen—who never struck me as exactly a one-liner sort of character, being she was very romantic and “serious”—is advising Josie about men and age, “Thirty is a watershed year. If they’re going to develop intelligence, they do it around then, and if they don’t, it’s too late. So you mustn’t hanker after men in their twenties. That’s like buying a pig in a poke.”

Opposite: this character usually exhibits traits opposite of main character, to add humor, but also to exhibit good qualities of main character to literary effect. (Ex: a 401K-save-10%, loves the finer things accountant has a perpetually broke surfer friend who buys lottery tickets and ramen noodles; or a sweats-clad single social worker is friends with a bored housewife who shops on Rodeo Drive—how these people are friends is anyone’s guess, but it’s amusing to see how they work together and learn from each other.) Annabel is considered the beautiful, sexy sister, and Josie despairs of being anything like her because she’s too fat and self-conscious.

Insightful: Foils are often placards for “mentor” roles. Not only are they given the best lines, they are frequently given profound, INSIGHTFUL lines to make the character wake up and stop doing old behavior that will lose them the love of their lives. (See: Watershed year line above. Can’t get anymore insightful than that.)

Lovable: They have to be at least likable, but lovable is better. No one wants their hero to be friends with a complete asshole—or if they are, they better have a damned good reason. If the FOIL character is an asshole and doesn’t change, it’s possible the hero may have to cut ties when he realizes this behavior is not doing anyone any good. Imogen goes through a period of very self-destructive behavior before she becomes “worthy” of being a heroine. And again, if you make them likable, you can probably use them for the next book. (I also think “loyal” works here because FOIL characters are usually loyal to the hero/heroine, and loyalty goes a long ways to negating any bad behavior that character might have.)

So what do you think of foil characters in books? Do you consciously or unconsciously give your “mentor/friends” characters opposite traits to your hero/heroine? Do you give them the best lines? Who are some of your favorite foil characters? And does anyone actually understand how the FOIL method works in algebra?

I have abysmal taste. Ask my gay ex-boyfriend and his neighbor. They will tell you stories of my horrible, godawful taste in men, shoes, clothing, and drinks.

1.) English Bonnet movies. Masterpiece Theatre is my God. North & South; Pride & Prejudice; every version of Persuasion. Lately I’ve been mad about Cranford and Return to Cranford. I’ve been dying to get ahold of the Larkrise shows. I cannot get enough of small town England with big drama over the molehills.

2.) Country music. I’m an unabashed country music fan. And not just a modern country music fan–I love the old stuff. Like Hank William, Sr, old stuff. Long Black Veil and Green Green Grass of Home makes me cry every time I hear them; and I always laugh when I hear Saginaw, Michigan. You don’t get better love songs than from a bunch of country crooners.

3.) 80s Big Hair Bands. Okay, I suppose there are some folks who can give country crooners a run for their money in love songs.

4.) The Dukes of Hazzard. Two words: Bo Duke. Two more words: Waylon Jennings. To this day, hearing the opening riff to “Good Old Boys” stops me in my tracks like a person who has been hypnotized to cluck like a chicken every time she hears the word “blue.” (I don’t cluck, but I am in a fog for the duration of the song.)

5.) Levi’s jeans. I never feel sexier than in a pair of Levi’s jeans. Not sure why because I’m sure a better cut jean is out there somewhere, but I’ll never know because I think my ass looks sexiest in Levi’s.

6.) Daisies. They’re my favorite flower. I loathe carnations because I think they are the Flower of Death. Roses are nice, but they’re kinda uptown. Daisies are the flower for a Dukes of Hazzard, country music, Levi’s wearing lover.

7.) Pepsi. I can tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi, and Pepsi is superior. I believe Heaven must have soda fountains with nothing but Pepsi because God is clearly of the New Generation.

8.) Scrawny rather than brawny. I prefer my men more lanky than too muscular. Dwayne Johnson is definitely a good looking man, but the slightly weedy ones are my favorites. Especially if they’re wearing Levi’s and come around begging for cookies.

9.) Regency rather than Medieval. I love historicals, but I typically prefer the Regency period–even with its influx of dukes–than a knight in shining armor. Regency tends to lend itself to more rompy, humorous fiction, which is what I prefer. It’s hard to laugh when your castle is about to be stolen from you.

10.) Jack Sparrow trumps Edward Cullen. Seriously, no contest.

So there you go. Some of these you may agree with; some of these you may horribly disagree; and some of these you may never have heard of at all. Whatever. The thing is we’re all allowed our own list of likes and dislikes, right? This is America. We’re of an age. We don’t have to please anyone but ourselves at this point, right?

And we’ve all lived long enough to realize that if you troll about on the internet long enough, you can find a club that would probably have all the same interests as you. I’m pretty sure I could find a handful of people who liked the same things I liked. I could probably find a larger group who liked about half of what I liked. I could find a really, really large group who prefer Jack to Edward.

I know Bo’sun prefers brawny men. More power to her. That leaves more scrawny little intellectuals for me. Sin prefers angry, ANGRY music; and would be apt to ask, “Brad WHO? Oh I don’t care. He probably sings something [BLEEP].” Clearly we don’t have to like everything together.

I spent Friday in Barnes & Noble, touching all the books in the rows and rows of fiction. I’m sure it was the tip of the iceberg of what is available in fiction, and yet there seemed to be something for everyone. There was historical fiction set in the Revolutionary War; and contemporary fiction chick-lit where one girl goes to Italy to get over a broken heart. There was science-fiction which I skipped over entirely and couldn’t tell you anything about; and there were rows and rows of the types of historicals I love to read. A lot of them in the Regency period. I’m sure a lot of them featuring dukes. There was historicals about Queen Elizabeth and Henry the VIII; novels about Joan of Kent and novels about Charles II. World War II novels. Housewives in the 1950s. Oh, and let’s not forget the Navy Seals, Special Ops, or FBI novels.

I’m sure if you turned all of us loose in Barnes and Noble, we’d all walk out with something different and varied to our tastes. And all those authors are depending on that. They’re depending that we all have different tastes and some of us will buy their novels. The only thing these novels really had in common was that each of these authors were passionate enough about their subject to write and revise a book about it.

A variation of Abraham Lincoln’s famous line goes something like: “You can please some of the people all of the time; and you can please all of the people some of the time; but you can never please all of the people all of the time.” So really you should just please yourself, and shoot for one and two. There’s room in Barnes & Noble for you.

What are some of your preferences that your friends don’t understand? What do you wish there was more of in fiction? And are you writing it? How is your writing going this week? (Mine is very minimal with the birthday stuff that stretched out far longer than my birthday. I’ll try to have something more writing related next week!)

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately, thinking of things to do with my time off on Thursday and Friday. I took time off with no particular vacation hot spot in mind; just wanted to be free to do Hellion Happy Things. Incidentally refining the list of Hellion Happy Things has been quite entertaining for several evenings, as I prioritize what I really want to do.

Most of the list involves girl stuff. Hair cut, eyebrow grooming, hair dying, and a pedicure. And some wine drinking. Just basic: “I want to loll around all day, pretending I’m a New Jersey housewife.” Minus the tanning. (And no vajazzling, so don’t bother asking.) If you saw me right now, you’d realize why all these activities made my list. Spring is coming, by God. And before Spring gets here, I need to make a half effort to actually not frighten strangers with what I look like now. It’s bad. Kathy Bates from Misery bad.

My hair style’s grown out; my eyebrows are crazy; my toenails look boring; and I’ve got a general malaise where Winter is concerned that I’m hoping some laughter with girlfriends and a bottle of wine will cure. The problems are plain and obvious and they’re things I can fix. Or more honestly, my checkbook can fix.

Then as I was making my list, I had a mini-epiphany: when you leave things alone for three months, it’s a lot easier to see what needs to be fixed.

Consider a finished manuscript. Once I finished my first manuscript, all I saw were articles constantly harping to leave your manuscript alone for at least 6 weeks (better three months) before you do revisions. But no one ever wants to do that, do they? No. They want to do it now. They want to polish and polish and then send it out in the world (which of course I did) for everyone to love it.  And which of course nobody did. At the time, I was dejected by this global rejection, but now I can see the point.

I realize now a lot of our efforts to polish and polish newly finished manuscripts is like sending Joan Rivers New Jersey Housewives out to find husbands when they’ve spent the last month in a spa. They’re too tanned, too false, too plucked, and too alike. There is nothing natural anymore because they spent all their time looking in one of those mirrors that magnifies your pores by ten times. They fix the molehills instead of the mountains. They lose their inner sparkle. They’re husks of their real selves.

I beg you: learn from Joan Rivers. Don’t start cutting right away! Let your natural beauty rest and shine for a while, then carefully and prudently correct where correction is needed. And don’t overpluck. Do not turn your manuscript into a husk of its former glory because you can’t step away long enough to look at it objectively.

I realize a lot of us like to write cleanly, edit as we go—and I’m not trying to change that. That works for a lot of writers; and if it works, don’t tinker with it. (Bull Durham: don’t fuck with a winning streak. I get that.) But once you’ve written your first clean draft; once you’ve finally gotten to the end—let the damned thing sit the Winter in a drawer before you run it through its final polish. It’s a lot easier to see the obvious when you do.

Have you ever overplucked one of your manuscripts? How do you keep yourself from editing too soon? How do you feel about eyebrows? What things do you like to do to get ready for Spring and chase away the blues of a long Winter? And if you had a day off to do whatever you wanted, what would you do? (You don’t get extra brownie points if you virtuously say: “I’d write all day.” I won’t believe you.)
P.S. SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO WACKIE JACKIE, WHO IS CELEBRATING HER BIRTHDAY TODAY! DRINK UP A CELEBRATORY DRINK FOR MY DEAR FRIEND, JACK!

I’m not a Catholic, but I am looking forward to the fish fries that are going to be available between now and the end of Lent. (I’m a freak for Captain D’s; I won’t deny it.) And as it is getting to be that time of year where we think about the areas of our lives we wish to improve upon, because no one is perfect, I have to confess: I am a terrible student.

I’m taking a class. Simple. 3 weeks; just email; you’re not getting a grade. It’s a course on secrets. Secrets we keep; why we keep secrets; repercussions of those secrets being revealed—the whole shebang. Yes, the class I had everyone vote on a couple weeks ago. I’m in it; and I’m enjoying it.

And now I’ve remembered I’m a terrible student.

Here are the reasons why:

1)    The homework actually makes me think hard about my characters, digging deep beneath some layers and revealing vulnerabilities. This is a problem because I like to think of myself as the sort of general who wouldn’t send his troops out to run over a hill he wasn’t willing to run over himself. And I’m not remotely willing to run over that fucking hill. My layers and vulnerabilities are going to continue to be buried and ignored and left alone—and I swear to God, if you try to hug me, I’ll rip off your arm and club you with it. So I’m trying to do homework and make my characters do things and discuss things I wouldn’t be do or discuss if you paid me. I feel like a hypocritical therapist. And it’s no good pointing out the characters don’t actually exist, because they do.

2)    Not only do I not like digging deep for vulnerabilities, I don’t like sharing them with the rest of the class. I couldn’t avoid it forever; the teacher was nagging. I settled down in my chair and figured out some secret stuff for Adam and the rest; I was most comfortable discussing Lucifer’s vulnerabilities. Finally satisfied with my results, at least to a degree, I realized I needed to post this to the rest of a class. A class of my peers, who I had only met by sending out a one-paragraph “hi-howdy-how-are-you” meet and greet. I don’t know these people. I don’t know their judgments or knee-jerk pet peeves. I might be sitting in a room of fundamentalists for all I knew and I was going to send out my characters’ vulnerabilities to these potential jackals? Not only am I a hypocritical therapist, I’m a horrible therapist, ratting out her clients to a bunch of strangers.

3)    My latent Hermione Granger gene. You know the gene I’m talking about. The one every hyper-excelling perfectionist has beating beneath her breastbone. I don’t want to be good in this class; I want to be the one who earned 103%. And I should be ashamed of myself. Scottish kings have been stabbed for less. And if Ron were here, he probably would.

Anyway, confession aside, our current assignment in the secrets class is identifying the reason why you’re keeping the secret. SHAME, PRIDE, FEAR OF PUNISHMENT or GUILT. And the class—aside from the reasons above—has been good for me. I think I’ve figured out some things about Adam and Eve, of their time before the divorce, that I didn’t know (or realized I knew) before. I realized that most of the secrets I ever have my characters keep are attributed to PRIDE. The pig-headed variety. And I don’t even care. I just laugh as I think about it because I can’t blame them. I would do the same thing if I were in their situation, which clearly isn’t news since I’m writing them and all.

Jenny Crusie wrote a blog a few weeks ago called the Tao of Bob, and one of the revelations that Bob made was that your therapist knows what’s wrong with you the first session you meet. But you end up going for two years because they can’t tell you what’s wrong with you—mainly because you’re going to be too pig-blind stubborn to believe them. You have to figure it out yourself. I know this to be true. My therapist operated this exact way; and I had my suspicions from the beginning she knew my dirty secrets, the dirty secrets I refused to share with myself or her. Even though she already knew them.

But there it is. The core hero and heroine I write in every story I scribble. They might have low self-esteem and neuroses out the wazoo, but by Golly, they have their Pride. And if we’re writing ourselves—not that any of us are blood-sucking warriors or demon-slayers—then clearly my writing therapy is all about not succumbing to the deadliest sin of all. Good thing it’s fiction because I am not nearly as optimistic that I can implement it in my own life nearly as well as my characters can.

Oh, well. At least there’s fish.

So line up for confession: what have you realized your writing reveals most about you? And have you ever taken a writing class that you really enjoyed? Does the thought that your deepest secrets will be revealed through your writing and realized by everyone who reads your work make you break out in a cold sweat? And how do you eat your fish: battered or breaded?

So I was thinking about the setting in The Wolfman. I watched the trailer and was completely sucked into the mood and setting of the story; and I thought, for a total remake, they did an excellent job of choosing the time and location—it was practically a character itself. And yet, description and setting are often disregarded in the realm of importance of writing.

Characterization and Plot are frequently featured like A-list celebrities, while things like Voice, Theme, and Setting often get shunted with Kathy Griffith to the D-list. Tragic, because these very writing techniques are the Jeff Bridges of the writing world. We all know they were absolutely essential to the overall product, but no one remembers to acknowledge them in their Oscar speech. Or give them their own Oscar.

Consider Dracula. A brilliant character, but nothing without the setting he was drawn in. The story wouldn’t work if he were in a setting like modern day California, with all its sunny weather and “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” people. His whole inner-makeup would dissolve like his face in the sun. He needs weather as moody and dramatic as he is, to mirror his moody and dramatic nature. We’re constantly reminded to write bigger, and using setting to the best advantage in our writing is one of the simple ways to show a Bigger Story. (Simple, but not easy.)

And the setting is much more than mere location. The when of the setting is extremely important. Timing is everything. The new movie, The Wolfman, takes place in Victorian England. What better time setting could you have given such a tale? It’s the perfect blend of science and superstition, of the modern and the old. We clearly see the progressive methods of solving crime using Scotland Yard detective work as well as new medical techniques and studies, but at the same time, the threat itself, a wolfman, is a realm of the old world. Not only are we experiencing the hero’s conflict with becoming a monster, but also the conflict of science versus magic (curse). It makes for a much dramatic telling of the story than say Teen Wolf. Which was quite a classic for me growing up, but is pretty much what would happen if we discovered a wolfman now, right? We—in theory—would be accepting of something that was different from us and wouldn’t try to trap it for the discovery of science. We’d bring it in the house and enroll it in high school.

I like to watch movies (obviously, since most of my blogs involve movies), but more than for the story. I like to watch what was included in a screen shot because I know, like scenes in a book, everything is there for a reason. And you can’t fit everything into a screen shot either. You have to focus on what’s most important, especially to the character. What shows character/story the most?

For example, I watched Adventureland and picked out all the very 80s things in the “description.” There were the girls who had their hair styled in that Gilled Lizard sort of fashion (very popular) and had their t-shirt collars ripped out and the bottom tied into a knot so we could see their midriff. Blue eyeshadow. Madonna-esque fashion accessories. All the cars the boys drove were Gremlins or those monster cars that their grandparents would drive. Cassette tapes were predominant; one boy bragged about his CD player that he paid a ton of money for. (In fact, the only thing not very setting authentic was Kristen Stewart, who not only pranced about in low-rise jeans, but whose hair looked exactly like it does from Twilight.)

The best description and setting (in my opinion) is active within the story, the little drops here and there that are explicit to the character themselves. Like the lemondrops on Dumbledore’s desk (you see them in the 6^th movie); or the way Dracula’s shadow moves outside of what his actual ‘reflective’ shadow should be. Doing what Dracula would actually like to be doing to Harker. (I always laugh at that scene.) I also think description and setting is probably best done during the second draft, after you’re done getting the story on paper because after all, character and plot are the A-list; and setting and description is more in the B- and C-list range. (You know, you gotta deal with the divas first before you return for the ones who help make the whole thing hold together cohesively. You can’t have A-list characters and plot in a white room. It doesn’t work.)

I agree with some articles that say less is more (mainly because when it comes to writing description, I definitely am a less is more.) However, I’ve read some books where description is definitely that writer’s forte and I wouldn’t have them change a word. I’ve also read authors, like me, who are minimalists and you see the story just as clearly as you do Harry Potter’s world. Both ways work—just don’t forget about it.

So how do you deal with description and setting? What tips and tricks work for you? What movies have you admired for their use of setting/description? Is anyone else looking forward to The Wolfman and not Valentine’s Day like I am? Who’s hoping Jeff Bridges finally gets an Oscar?

Typically Santa would be blogging about something profound, but…I’m not sure where she is. Or her blog. So I’m going to pirate her spot for a very important decision blog.

Meaning there are TWO online workshops I want to take, but I don’t want to take them at the same time because I know I will only have time for one of them. (Bo’sun is taking two, but she’s an overachiever like that.)

http://lowcountryrwa.com/online-workshops/#2010

I blame the Write Chic blog for even bringing them to my attention–darn though brilliant ladies!–and now I’m torn between the class about Goal-Motivation-Conflict-Diaster AND the one about Characters and Secrets. The GMCD would be great for me now; however, the character-secret one, well, that was just looks way interesting. Plus I think Eve is hiding a secret (though she won’t tell me what it is) and I don’t know if this is the sort of class that might reveal it to me. If I could find them being offered again later this year, I’d take one now and one later, but I can’t see that as an option.

So…what shall I take, pirates? Secrets or Disasters?

The movie Valentine’s Day is coming out. There is a clip within the clip that never fails to make me fall into guffaws every time I see it. Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner as high school students, being interviewed by a reporter.

Reporter: “How do you feel about each other?”

Taylor: “OMG, I totally love him!”

Taylor: “And I’m crazy about her!”

Taylor: “Look, he wrote his number on my hand.” *turns to gaze adoringly at Taylor*

Reporter: *turning away to look at the camera* “There you have it. Young love. Full of promise. Full of hope. Ignorant of reality.” *pan shot of Taylors kissing like wolves*

And really that’s the meaning of life summed up: Full of promise. Full of hope. Ignorant of reality. Applies to just about everything, doesn’t it?

Marriage: “Aww, he’s so sweet. He brought me roses for our two-week anniversary! I bet he’ll never take me for granted.”

Kids: “Look at him so quiet as he sleeps. I bet he’s going to be one of those kids who advances early through those Einstein classes. He’s so smart!”

Graduation from high school: “Thank God! I will never have to work with people who are so self-absorbed and shallow ever again.”

Graduation from college: “Yeah! Now I can finally get that job where I’m paid $100,000 a year! No more working for peanuts!”

Movie theater: “Another Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy? Okay. I heard this one was really funny. Really. How bad could it be? Vince Vauhn is hilarious!”

Bookstore: “Yeah! The newest book in the Wallflower series! I bet Daisy and Cam get together finally!!!”

Lies. Lies. Dreadful, awful lies. (And don’t bother telling me “let it go”, Sin, because I won’t. I still want my money back for The Breakup.)

If it works so well in basically every other aspect of your life, why wouldn’t it be the same with writing?

I remember writing when I was a teenager—I still have the drivel somewhere—and it was these lovely anachronistic knight-and-lady masterpieces where the bluestocking won the heart of the rakish jock. I never worried then about plausibility, plot, or whether people would actually act in the ways I had them behaving. The heroine, perhaps, who was acting like an overdramatic teenager was the most likely. Being I was an overdramatic teenager. (Write what you know.) It never felt particularly hard, I thought; I just loved writing. And I’d go wherever the whimsy took me.

Of course, now when I try to read it and try to discern anything that remotely smacks of a plot or even a thought process, I wonder, “How in the world did I ever think of myself as a writer? Honestly. This is awful.” The same sort of horrific wonder you get looking at your husband twenty years later and thinking, “I used to think the belching was cute. Why?”

Still, despite the awfulness, you read those beginning works and you definitely get the sense within the writing of those teenagers from the clip: full of promise, full of hope, ignorant of reality. You can’t rule out passion as a necessary substance for writing. Only passion for something will get you to do it every day, regardless, because frankly there are a lot of other awesome uses of your time you can be doing, like sleeping or reading your TBR pile or even laundry. (Don’t you hate how that piles up?)

But like all things, you have to put it in perspective. You look at those teenagers and give one of those grown-up little snorts of laughter. Bemused to remember being that way once, thankful you’re not still that deluded. Same with writing. Some of those first writing forays were really, really good for the soul. They suck you right in, really make you crave the thrill you get from stringing words together like popcorn and cranberries at Christmas until you have enough to drape all over the tree. But then when you look at later pictures of that tree, you go, “WTF?” It’s always the way. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that.

When you start a project, there is always that glimmer of “full of promise, full of hope, ignorant of reality” that begins the project, and it’s not until a few weeks into it you remember how hard writing really is. The reality returns, but the ignorance is always an important aspect of the process.

What do you find important about the process of writing? What reality are you reminded of every time you start writing a story? And will anyone be seeing that Valentine’s Day movie? It’s got everyone in it….

Look at Jason.  This is, indubitably, a fine specimen of the human species.

Now look at this. Once again, a brilliant specimen of that which we call Book. Even if half this ship hasn’t read it.

These two seemingly different genres (namely: Homo and Literature) actually have much in common.

Let’s start with Jason.

For starters, Jason is not really…Jason. Jason is actually millions and millions of teeny, tiny Jasons—cells—that all contribute to the great big Jason you see here and love. And even though each cell is individual, it does not exist except to be a whole of the great big Jason; and even though there are cells for blood and cells for nerves and cells for nostril hair, they are all connected by the fact, they all make up a unique and important part of the great big Jason. I mean, look at Jason [wistful look at Jason]: he’s a finely tuned machine, isn’t he? His body is constantly working and restructuring and getting rid of waste that is not needed to keep Jason in good working order. It’s really quite brilliant.

Now what is the point of Jason? And what does this have to do with books?

Good questions. The point of Jason is that novels are also built one scene—cell—at a time. You may write hundreds of scenes. You may write scenes that give you great insight to Jason, but when Jason is presented to the rest of us (see: above and sigh wistfully), those scenes have been discarded, no longer of use to the whole. No scene is wasted per se, but you can’t keep them all. Sometimes you have to do some exfoliating to get to the bright, shining layer. Some days you spend a lot of time with Jason in the shower, loofahing him to finely tuned form.

What is the point of this sexist, gratuitous eye candy blog? And again, what does this have to do with books? Again, good questions.

A larger-than-life, heart-clutching novel is really nothing more than lots and lots of little larger-than-life, heart-clutching scenes, created one at a time to contribute to the whole. Start small in order to finish big. And a lot of times sitting down to page one of the 400-page Great American Novel can be daunting because Fluffy shows up (everyday) and points out that you can’t possibly keep this up for 400 pages. It’s too big. You’re trying to capture a story that’s too big and put it into a book that’s too big. And you’re just a moron…and it’s going to take too much time. To kill Fluffy you have to be prepared to write one scene at a time instead of trying to write the whole novel at once.

Scenes are basically two things—1) An action or reaction and 2) Basic journalism. Characters are either doing something (pursuing a goal) or reacting to something (overcoming obstacles that are keeping them from their goals; dealing with conflict.) The action is the story and the reaction is the conflict. The basic journalism comes in with: who, what, where, when, why, how, and significance. Whose point of view are we in; what are they doing; and where, when, and how. When can be very important because it is frequently observed in writer articles that characters with urgent problems (i.e. not a lot of time) are characters we care more about. Also characters with urgent problems tend to try to solve them in more madcap ways, which tends to make the reading more exciting. The why is for “why do we care”—motivation—and we always need to care. If the why is non-existent, the POV is probably not deep enough and it will be too easy to put the book down. Lastly is: what is the significance of this scene.

No scene is an island…

Oops, wrong metaphor. Back to Jason and the mini-cell Jasons. All those cells making up Jason are necessary. The same applies to your scenes. You can’t just have a scene—no matter how brilliant and funny it is—that does not move your story to the ending in some way. If it does not reveal plot, character, or the Mayan secret of life, you need to cull that llama from the herd.

Now I believe if you make every scene bigger-than-life and heart-clutching, your book will come to be a very fine-looking Jason. But if you don’t, you may end up giving your readers this:

And that is not what we romance readers came to the bookstore for. Don’t kill trees; Al Gore will come after you.

*camera zooms onto the ship, winding down the spidery stairs to the galley below, where Carrie Lofty—author of WHAT A SCOUNDREL WANTS and SCOUNDREL’S KISS—is sitting on a barrel, next to the stove, warming her hands*

Carrie: Hi! Who would have thought the Caribbean would be so chilly? *holding hands out to the stove and rubbing them*

Jack: *pushing his chair near hers and draping an arm around her* We would not want you get sick, my fair Carrie. Are you quite comfortable?

Carrie: Quite! *realizing Jack is about a hairs breath from nuzzling her ear* Um, aren’t we supposed to be doing an interview? You said the galley is where the rum and crumpets would be.

Jack: Of course, of course. *drawing out a half-drank bottle of rum and a handkerchief, unfolding it to reveal a handful of Oreos* Nothing but the best for our author guests. Please, have one.

Carrie: Wow, this is nice. *clearing throat* You know, I think I’ll wait on the cookies for now. Oh, all right. *takes one* Now, what would you like to talk about first?

Jack: Sisters! I want to talk about sisters! I love sisters! Well, not so much the nun-kind, though occasionally I’ve met one of those who has been… *grins roguishly* Never mind. So your book is not about those kind of sisters, but the blood kind. Tell us more about Ada of Keyworth. What’s she like? Is she into pirates?

Carrie: I can’t speak for Ada regarding pirates. She crossed the waters between England and Spain, but no pirates accosted her. Such a pity! She probably wouldn’t have noticed anyway, caught as she was in the throes of an opium high and seriously hating her sister, Meg. You see, Meg chose to be happy and stay with her husband, the roguishly awesome Will Scarlet. In-law bliss was spoiled by the fact that Will had arrested Ada by mistake, leaving her in the clutches of the Sheriff of Nottingham, who did some pretty terrible things to his favorite prisoner.

Now Ada…she bears a grudge. Against everyone. That includes her sister. So she leaves for Castile (in modern-day Spain) and decides that opium is a far better companion than pesky family members. Avoidance for the win! To say she has some forgiving and growing up to do is an understatement.

Jack: Tell me about it with the pesky family members. I have a cousin, Billy, who thinks he’s a pirate, but he’s the worst pirate. Always stealing my rum. Family should be avoided at all costs. Except for good-looking sisters, of course, for the obvious reasons.

Now your first book is WHAT A SCOUNDREL WANTS; and this book is called SCOUNDREL’S KISS. I’m sensing a pattern; and I myself as a scoundrel do enjoy reading books featuring scoundrels. Do you then prefer scoundrels? Is this why you research so many of them?

Carrie: Any woman who says she doesn’t have a little soft spot for scoundrels is lying. Even Princess Leia couldn’t avoid falling for first-rate scoundrel Han Solo. If you don’t know her, Jack, just think of her as a space version of Elizabeth Swann–prim and beautiful, but who chooses the scoundrel instead of the pretty boy. As you can see, my research on the topic of scoundrels is extensive. It comes with the job, which makes mine just about the best job in world…outside of piracy, of course.

Jack: I’m glad to see you take your research seriously. *rakish look* We’ll discuss your research methods later. Privately. I note this particular scoundrel is not a typical rogue. He is in fact about to take his vows as a monk. Incidentally I dressed as a monk once to escape some of His Majesty’s Navy, but I nearly gave myself away when we passed the nearby brothel. Your hero is not just dressing a part, is he? What kind of man would take a vow of chastity on purpose? Isn’t one’s adolescence enough?

Carrie: Gavriel probably claimed more female conquests during his adolescence than during the year leading up to this story. He was, well, a rather bad man–a slave raised to kill a king. So I don’t imagine he’d have too many scruples when it came to women. But all of that immorality can wear on a soul. A little distance from his previous misdeeds shows Gavriel just how lost he’s become. Not one to do anything by halves, he decides that absolution can only come through extreme sacrifice. Silly boy.

Jack: That is a silly boy. Glad he comes around to sense. Okay, now for the lightning round, the Trifecta of Writer Inquiries: what’s your call story? What’s a typical writing day like for you? And are you a plotter or a pantser?

Carrie: I finaled in a few contests in the spring of 2007, which prompted me to head to the RWA National Conference in Dallas that July. I was set to pitch to Hilary Sares of Kensington, but she was a few minutes late because mine was the first pitch after lunch. Tick-tock, tick-tock… No rain checks, baby! When she arrived, she sat down and read the elevator pitch I’d included on my business cards. She said, “I want the full.” After returning home, I mailed it on a Monday and she called me two days later. Commence celebrating!

Writing day: We have one car, so I do the school and work run in the morning. After my husband and our two daughters are ensconced in their various buildings, I head home to the blessedly awesome silence of our condo. I try for 10-12 pages a day, book-ended on the couch by my two tabby tomcats, and then I tackle promo, networking, chores, etc. Notice how chores come last?

Plotter or pantser: I know my characters very well when I begin. I also do research regarding the setting and what sorts of plots might be possible for that time and place. With those preliminary considerations satisfied, I just start writing. Let’s call me a prepared pantser.

Jack: What’s next for you? Still going to write Robin Hood era historicals for the time being? (Going to see the Russell Crowe Robin Hood this summer?)

Carrie: I’ll continue writing more Scoundrel books, if I find a home for them. Otherwise, I just sold a historical romance set in Napoleonic Austria to Carina Press, Harlequin’s new all-digital venture. My book will help launch the line in June 2010. In addition, under the name Ellen Connor (http://EllenConnor.com) , I co-write hot’n'dirty apocalyptic paranormal romance with Ann Aguirre. Our “Dark Age Dawning” trilogy will be coming soon from Penguin.

As for the new Russell Crowe movie, I hold a grudge because it was supposed to come out *last* summer, when it would’ve made the perfect tie-in with WHAT A SCOUNDREL WANTS. Stoopid Hollywood. But I’ll probably go see it anyway!

Hellion: *gate crashing the interview* I have to ask. I saw this on your website, and I was such a HUGE The Young Riders fan, it wasn’t even funny: what do you mean you became the authority on Pony Express history? Did you watch the show? Any character favorites? Did you teach at a high school? Also you mention you wrote your MA thesis about the Old West and legend–will you write any Westerns, if you’re given the chance?

Carrie: Oh, oh, oh–I totally watched The Young Riders. I had a massive crush on The Kid and seriously wanted to be Lou (although my tastes changed as I got older: http://lovelysalomearts.blogspot.com/2006/06/young-riders-1989.html).

Hellion: *squealing* Me too! I had all this fan fic where I was Lou…and never mind, keep going!

Carrie: The show had everything: hot guys, horses, romance, adventure, history, and smart, self-reliant women. I became obsessed and began studying everything I could find about the Pony Express. The obsession didn’t wane, and I wound up writing my master’s thesis on the impact of Jesse James’ and Wild Bill Hickok’s legends on post-Civil War society.

Shortly after TYR ended, I found historical romance. I was sunk. That’s why when I was teaching at Ohio State, completing my MA, I decided that academia wasn’t for me. All of my colleagues were busy fretting about getting published in academic journals…and I wanted to write romance!

As for writing a western in the future, who knows? I moved on after finishing my thesis–call it Old West burn-out–but it holds such a special place in my heart. There’s still a part of me that wants to write about mail-order brides and resolute sheriffs and plucky, cross-dressing heroines and deadeye gunfighters…

Jack: *pinning Hellion and gagging her with a bandana* Sorry about that, Carrie. She gets a little carried away. I want to thank you again for coming to interview with us today. Is there anything you’d like to ask the crew?

Carrie: Hey, don’t enjoy his rough treatment too much, Hellion. *grin* I’ll ask about my favorite topic: unusual settings. Are you on-board with taking romance out of the British Isles? Keen on new-to-you times and places? Which would you like to see…and which wouldn’t float your pirate boat at all?