*the door to Hellion’s cabin opens and out walks (sashays) Hellion in a Marilyn Monroe costume, complete with short blonde wig and pink arm length gloves. Hellion adjusts the bow on her hot pink dress as she wiggles to the front of the ship*

 

Terri: Is she wearing eyeliner?

 

Marnee: I think so. Is it me, or did she have an overnight breast enhancement as well?

 

*Hellion wiggles again, tugging her top back in place, bouncing a little to make sure everything’s going to hold*

 

Sin: Nope, it’s not just you.

 

Hellion: You know I can hear you guys, right? *tapping foot* And you can stop acting like you’ve never seen me in makeup or a dress either.

 

Sin: We’re just glad to see you dressed really. That streaking you do from your cabin to the kitchen is awkward when we run into you.

 

Hellion: *sniffing and tugging at the dress at her hips* That’s only happened a couple times.

 

Marnee: It’s happened seven times. We’re just amazed you own clothing because we were starting to wonder.

 

Hellion: What? So now we’re keeping count about every little thing? *tosses her head, shaking her blonde curls into place* Are you done ogling me now? I swear I get more grief when I wear my Marilyn costumes. You wouldn’t believe the number of married men who ask me out whenever I’m in this outfit.

 

Terri: Oh, we’d believe it.

 

Hellion: *glowering* Let me do my number please. Thank you. *crew scrambles to sidelines as Hellion motions for the orchestra to start playing*

 

Sin: When did we get an orchestra?

 

Terri: *scrutinizing them* I don’t know but they are not in my Hotties of the Week group. Where does she find these people?

 

Marnee: Her brain really frightens me sometimes.

 

Sin & Terri: You ain’t the only one.

 

Hellion: *singing*

 

Sleuths were made for finding clues:

They delight in solving crime,

But I prefer to write about a love

That lasts all time…

 

A plug on a blog may be an honorable mention

But contracts are a scribe’s best friend.

A blog may be grand but it won’t pay my pension

Or my rum bar tab

Or keep my ship from being drab!

 

*perching in the lap of a famous agent and tapping him on the nose with her finger*

 

Plots grow trite as scribes lose fight

And we wonder if we’ll publish in the end.

But sequels and movies rights,

Advances make rejection all right:

Contracts are a scribe’s best friend.

 

Avon. St. Martin’s. Penquin. Source. Bantam. *hooks a scarf around the Harper Collins representative and tugs him close* Talk to me, Harper Collins, tell me all about it!

 

There may come a time when a girl needs agent,
But contracts are a scribe’s best friend.
There may come a day when my star is on the ascent,

*plucking contracts out of agents and editors’ hands who are handing them to her and waving them*

Hellion: Okay, Question of the Day: clearly getting a contract is not the only measurement of success within writing? What is being a writer really to you? Is it about getting a contract—or do you consider yourself a writer if you write?

Lisa: Break out the rum, Captain, blogging with us today on the ship is historical author Candace Camp. Candace’s first book-Bonds of Love was published in 1978. She currently has 44 (correct me if I’m wrong) published books, both contemporary and historical. Her next book- The Wedding Challenge will be released in September and is the third book in her beloved Matchmaker Series. Welcome aboard Candace! Help yourself to the rum and any hot deck hands we have running amok

 

Candace: Thank you. It’s great to be here. In this weather, anything with rum sounds great—and if you happen to have a deck hand running around that looks like Johnny Depp, I’ll be happy to accept him, as well. But I have to tell you, you were a little low on the book number. The Wedding Challenge will actually be my 57th book—61st if you also count the four novellas I’ve written for Harlequin anthologies. The Wedding Challenge is the third book in the series. There’s a fourth one, The Courtship Dance, due out February, 2009. The Wedding Challenge is about the Duke’s sister, Callie, who has appeared in the first two books. I’m afraid everyone will have to wait until The Courtship Dance to learn what happens with the Duke and Francesca—but take heart, all Duke and Francesca fans, they are in The Wedding Challenge more than in the first two books, and the reader will learn a little more about their pasts.

 

Lisa: Candace can you share with us how long it was after your first submission that you became published, and can you share your call story?

 

Candace: I sent in my very first novel to Avon; back then, the publishers still were very active with their slush piles. Unfortunately, Avon rejected it after about six months. So I sent it to another company; the name, I believe, was Pyramid. A few months after I sent it in, I graduated from law school in North Carolina and got a job back in Texas, so I moved to Paris, Texas. I had by this time sort of given up on this company wanting it. I hadn’t given up on submitting it again, but it had gotten pushed to the back of my mind. I had been working in Paris a couple of months, and one day I went home at lunchtime to get something at my apartment, and I picked up my mail. There was a letter there from Jove Publications, a division of Harcourt Brace Jovanovich. I had no idea what it was, but I opened it. The letter was from an editor at Jove. It seems that Jove had been Pyramid and had been sold to HBJ in the meantime and changed their name to Jove. This editor liked Bonds of Love and wanted to publish it, but they had been unable to reach me by phone and so were writing me a letter in the hopes that it would be forwarded to me.

 

I started jumping up and down and shrieking like a maniac and immediately called my mother and told her, and we both did some more shrieking. (Thank goodness, there was no one else around at the time, or they would have thought I had gone insane, I’m sure.) Then I called the editor, afraid that they might have changed their mind in the meantime, but they had not. Needless to say, I went back to the office a little late, but grinning like crazy.

  

Lisa: Out of all the wonderful characters you have created over the years do you have any that you hold a greater affection for more than the others?

 

Candace: I definitely have my favorites—but I’ve written so many books, I’m afraid I have quite a few of them. I suppose that Luke in Rainbow Season is my very favorite male character. That book is my favorite of my books, as well. It is one that—forgive the cliché, but it’s true—came from my heart. It is set around 1900 in East Texas, where my mother was born. It’s a place and time that really resonate with me.

 

Other guys I really, really loved were Jeremy in Bitterleaf, Devin in So Wild a Heart, James in Evensong. (I tend to like emotionally wounded heroes, whether they’re covering it with laughter, cockiness, or a sullen attitude.)

 

But I also love an honorable, stand-up guy, the one you can always rely on—like the Duke in the Matchmaker series or the modern Sutton and Marshall brothers from a couple of my Intimate Moments series.

 

I love strong, even bossy heroines, as you may have noticed from my books. Katherine from my very first book, Bonds of Love, Meredith from Bitterleaf, Miranda from So Wild a Heart, are all very dear to me. I love a scrapper, and Francesca, in her own very uppercrust way, is a scrapper, too. I love Francesca, and I really enjoyed writing a happy ending for her in The Courtship Dance.

 

As for families, the Marshall family, a group of three brothers I wrote about in a Silhouette Intimate Moments series, and the Suttons, another IM family, are favorites of mine. And probably the mad Morelands are my very favorite—from their odd parents down to the always-in-trouble twins, Con and Alex.

 

Lisa: What do you enjoy most about writing historical romance?

 

Candace: I love losing myself in another time and place. I’ve always loved history; it was my minor in college. And I have read historical novels ever since I can remember. I devoured Frank Yerby novels when I was young and Anya Seton books. Victoria Holt’s and Dorothy Eden’s nineteenth century gothics. Of course, I loved the Bronte sisters and Jane Austen.

 

One thing that is nice about historicals is that one has very set societies with which to work. It makes it easy to set up protagonists who one way or another challenge the system. My heroes and heroines generally tend to be rebels in one way or another, even if it’s sometimes only a rebellion against social attitudes. Certain periods really appeal to me because the society is at this point of great change, a sort of breaking point, with an inherent conflict between old ways and new that makes for great settings. Two of my favorite periods fit in with this, though they are quite different. One is the Regency period, the era most of my current books are set in, and the other is the post-Civil War West. In both cases, the world is undergoing great change; there’s been the upheaval of war; attitudes and mores are fluctuating; life is never going to be the same. They are also times that see the start of great changes for women—think of the sudden rise of female writers in the Regency period and afterwards—Jane Austen, Mary Shelley, the Bronte sisters. And in the settlement of the West, I think women had the opportunity to prove themselves and to establish their independence and self-worth.

 

But besides all that, I just love the clothes, the hair styles, the carriages, the houses, the language. Plus, the slower-moving world gives one a greater opportunity to develop my characters and their romance.

 

Lisa: You write most of your books in a series format. Can you tell us why you enjoy writing mostly series, and do most of them revolve around two or more characters throughout each series?

 

Candace: I started writing series by accident, simply because as I developed a family for one of the main characters in a novel, I would come to like their siblings or friends so much I wanted to write other books about them. Later, as with the Aincourt series or Lost Heirs series, I set out to write about a family. But I still sometimes stumble into them. When I wrote Mesmerized, I set out to write a stand-alone novel because I had just finished two series and was a little tired of them. But then when I came up with Olivia’s odd family, I had to write about the other brothers and sisters, so I wound up doing a series of 4 books about the mad Morelands.

 

In my series, characters from the other books usually make an appearance in some or all of the books of the series; it just sort of depends on the story. The Lost Heirs series was a little difficult because I had to bring all the characters from the first two books back in for the end because it concerned the whole family, and arranging that scene got a little unwieldy.

 

But I usually don’t have a set of characters like the Duke and Francesca who have an important role in each of the other books, leading up to the last book that’s solely about them. But the matchmaking idea lent itself to doing the series this way, and I really enjoyed it. From the reader responses I’ve been getting, I think that my readers have liked it, as well.

 

Lisa: Can you share a blurb from your soon to be released book entitled The Wedding Challenge?

 

Candace: I’d be happy to. In The Wedding Challenge, Lady Calandra Lilles, the Duke of Rochford’s younger sister, sets out to find a husband, so naturally she turns to her friend Francesca, Lady Haughston, for help. Tired of having her suitors frightened away by her protective older brother and sure, after five years on the marriage mart, that she is simply not the type to fall in love, she determines to make a ‘good match.’ Armed with a list of attributes that her future husband must have, she and Francesca start their social hunt. However, she soon finds, to her astonishment, that there is a man who can steal her heart away— unfortunately, it’s Lord Bromwell, her brother’s sworn enemy and the last man in London she should trust.

 

Lisa: Are you currently working on any future series?

 

Candace: Yes. I’ve finished the fourth book of the Matchmaker series, The Courtship Dance, in which, at last, Francesca and the Duke get to have their own story.

 

So now I’m at work on a new series, just in the planning stages right now. I’m not even sure of a name for the books or series, although I’m working with a tentative series title of Willowmere. It will be three books and will concern three Regency noblemen, half-brothers, who have a gaggle of marriageable young ladies dumped on them when a relative dies. It’s up to them to see the girls established in society and married well, but how are they to accomplish this with four independent and unpolished American beauties?

 

Lisa: Candace, thank you again for cruising the waters with us on the Romance Writer’s Revenge. We hope you have enjoyed the rum, and companionship. We can’t say enough, how much we admire you as an author, and we wish you much success with the release of The Wedding Challenge. Mateys, keep your eyes peeled for the release of this much anticipated third book in the Matchmaker series. Thank you. It’s been so much fun talking to you. I hope to sail these waters again sometime!

*Leslie walks across the gangplank onto the Romance Writers’ Revenge and has barely set one foot on the deck when two loud and boisterous crew members come screaming to greet her: Hellion bolting neck and nothing and jumping several coiled ropes; and Sin swinging out of the Crow’s Nest and gliding to the deck like Batman*

 

Sin: OMG! I’m so excited to see you again! I’m so glad you agreed to kick off your blog-book tour with us….

 

Hellion: *shoving Sin out of the way* Back off, Ninja Girl, she’s my guest!

 

Leslie: Girls, girls, did you two forget your medication again this morning?

 

Hellion: Not exactly. *craning head to look behind Leslie* You didn’t happen to bring Coney with you, did you? What’s he up to lately?

 

Sin: *wicked grin* Oh, I know what he’s up to lately….

 

Hellion: *affronted gasp* I saw him first!

 

Sin: Apparently not.

 

Leslie: *waving hands* Girls, girls, can I get a drink before the catfighting begins, please? Leading the girl scout troop is less treacherous than boarding this ship.

 

*Sin and Hellion remember themselves long enough to escort Leslie to a cushy chair and hand her a mixed drink, before drawing up ottomans so they can perch near her*

 

Hellion: Thank you again for kicking off your blog tour with us. This is really exciting. So…today’s the day, right? Stand By Your Hitman comes out today. Tell us more about it. what’s it about—and more importantly, does Coney make any sort of appearance?

 

Leslie:  Well, the book starts with the Bombay Council sending Missi to compete in a cheap, Canadian knock-off of Survivor called Survival.  She’s supposed to be checking out a Vic and awaiting further instructions on whether to take him out or not.  Of course, then she’s actually got to stay in the game until this happens.  Coney is mentioned but doesn’t really make an appearance in the book.

 

Sin: Can you tell us about any of Missy’s new gadgets in this book? Or gadgets she’s working on for new books?

 

Hellion: Yeah, like maybe Coney’s book, perhaps?

 

Leslie:  I can’t tell you about Coney’s book yet, but Missi does have some fun gadgets in this one – like a tool that can cut through wood and start fires but looks like a piece of jewelry.  You also get the scoop on how she got started inventing lethal weapons and some of her more interesting hits in the past.

 

Terri: *stepping forward to refresh Leslie’s drink* This is your third in the Bombay series. Is it getting easier or harder? Or is it about the same? Is there anything you didn’t expect that you wish you’d been warned about?

 

Leslie:  Thanks, um, where’s the little umbrella?  I was specifically promised little umbrellas? *Terri opens up a cigar case where Leslie can pick her favorite color of umbrella; Leslie picks one and Terri pops it in her glass* I’d have to say each book is hard in that I have to keep coming up with new ways to kill people.  I love the Bombays and try to make each book different than the others.  That is not easy.  Fun, but not easy.

 

Hellion: How many Tom Collins will I need to buy you in order to make a small guest appearance in Coney’s book? Preferably as Loofah Girl or something. How about an undead monkey as a bribe?

 

Sin: You are so pathetic.

 

Hellion: Two words: Daniel Craig. Okay? So zip it, Sparky, and let the woman talk.

 

Leslie:  How about one undead monkey and a spastic heron with rickets?  I can definitely work you into the book.  I think I have the perfect character for you…

Hellion: *rubbing hands together* I can do the spastic heron like no one’s business. Excellent.

 

Sin: You realize, of course, you’re probably a Vic.

 

Hellion: I don’t care.

 

Terri: *rolling her eyes at the spatting* Missy’s new guy sounds attractive and sexy. What’s he like?  If there is anything that a shipful of love-starved lady pirates adore more than a pint of rum, it’s a hunky man pouring it for her. And we’re always adding to our crew. *smiling at Lance as he ambles over with more rum all around*

 

Leslie:  Lex, Missi’s hero, is based on detective Lee Scanlon on the Patricia Arquette show about the psychic.  What was that name?  How many of these drinks have I had?

 

Hellion: *waving hand as Terri refills Leslie’s glass without her noticing* Only a couple. And they’re small. No worries. And the name you’re looking for is Medium.

Leslie: Yes, that’s it. That’s what I said. *looks baffled to see her drink is still full, but takes drink*

 

Sin: I know Coney’s book is next (seriously, if you have to be near Hellion for any length of time, you know Coney’s book is next)—when will it be coming out and what will be up next? Another Bombay story, or will you take a break and introduce a new series?

 

Leslie:  The publisher is looking at June for Coney’s book.  I might take a break because all the creepy voices in my head won’t shut up – they all want their damned stories told.  And shock therapy ain’t helping.

 

Hellion: It never does. For those of us who don’t know you—or don’t stalk you—what’s your Call story?

 

Leslie:  I’d met my editor at a Romance Writer’s of America conference.  She wanted to see the first three chapters and I sent them the day I got back.  She e-mailed the very next day and wanted to see the whole thing (which I didn’t have done yet.  Hello?  Pirate!).  After four days of locking myself away to write (I think the kids got fed…at least I hope so) I finished it and sent it off and left the next day for a trip to L.A. for my 40^th birthday.  When I came back, one week to the day I sent the full ms, Leah called and offered to buy Gin Bombay’s book.  I sat in the back yard at 2pm (a Tuesday in August) and drank two bottles of Moet & Chandon White Star champagne while I drunkenly called everyone I knew.

 

Marnee: Did you enter contests to help with your publishing path? Or did you query only? What do you recommend to those trying to break in—what’s most important?

 

Leslie:  I’m not really into contests since my work is so…well…strange.  They seem to work best for mainstream authors.  I attended 3 RWA conferences and wrote four manuscripts before selling.  I think the most important thing to remember is to keep going – perseverance leads to the payoff in this business.  Well, that and knowing how to hold your rum.

 

Sin: Okay, final question, non-Coney related and non-writing: what is your favorite song playing now on your Ipod/playlist?

 

Leslie:  I’ve been listening to Godzilla by Blue Oyster Cult a LOT.  What?

 

Hellion: Hey, I’m just glad it’s not Korn…or Disturbed. *Sin promptly smacks the back of her head* What? *shakes it off* Leslie, thanks again for kicking off your book blog tour with us! And I want to remind everyone to run out today and buy it!

 

Leslie: Thank you so much for inviting me aboard, ladies!  We’ll have to get together for some grog…SOON!

Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about Lucifer and his cheeky red-headed stripper. Both of whom are minor characters in my current WIP. Key word: minor.

 

I’m supposed to be writing about Adam & Eve. Yet every time I go to sit and write about them, I stare at my screen, going, “How do you write a married/divorced couple?” I mean, talk about research deficient. Las Vegas is nothing compared to the deficit of knowledge I have on marriage. My problem is I’m certain I could write about a stripper with more authority than I could a wife.

 

I’ve never been married, engaged, or even dated for a long period of time. Of late, my dates have been one-timers, with a sprinkling of engagements that were good. Anomalies, I call those. Therefore, I don’t exactly sit around imagining my life if I was married because the idea seems…well…science fiction. The collection of the proposals I have received in my short life have been from married men. Men married to other women, just so we’re clear. More than one, in case the plural of “men” was lost on everyone.

 

So you might surmise, I don’t have a lot of faith, understanding, or much more than fearful respect for Matrimony. And I know my limitations: I know I’d make a better stripper than a wife. I can take off my clothes, and sometimes I can even keep my balance while doing it. But a wife? What does a wife do again?

 

I just can’t imagine marriage. (And if you’ll notice: a lot of fairy tales don’t seem to imagine it either because there is never information about what happens to the couple after they’re married.) Just what exactly is the expectation? With a stripper, you expect to see a naked girl. With a wife, well, I suspect the expectation is something similar…but it doesn’t seem as well defined. I like things well-defined. Abs, the food in the Chinese buffet line, lots of things. I like to know what I’m getting into.

 

So here I am. Trying to write a story about Eve, the original wife. Talk about writing fiction if I’m writing from the perspective of a woman who’d lived with one guy for over fifty years. Bore his children. Made love with him, fought with him…and well, all those things you do in marriage. Whatever those are. She probably peed right in front of him. (Who does that?)

 

And then there is this other problem: Eve is an optimist.

 

If you’ve met me, virtual or otherwise, you know I’m by no means a natural optimist. Or even a well-learned optimist. I try, again and again I try, but optimism in my brain is a lot like “light” in Terry Prachett’s world: No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it. That’s just the way I roll.

 

So here I have a character I need to channel who’s a complete 180 from me. I’m at a loss. I was so utterly spoiled to writing from first person perspective of a character who, if she wasn’t me, was my twin. Names and circumstances somewhat changed to protect the guilty and all that. In fact, I’m dawdling on the damned revisions for GOGU so I don’t have to let go of the one character I know I can write well. (Currently on chapter 20; only four more to go!)

 

So, what do I do? I don’t exactly want to write a string of books where all the heroines are cynical, neurotic, twitchy pessimists and all the heroes are charming, dangerous, and great in bed. Okay, I do want all my heroes to be rather charming, dangerous, and great in bed. But I’ve got to vary up the heroines. I can do this. Surely. Besides, there is every hope that if I write an optimistic heroine, some of her will rub off on me.

 

So I need to do some research on marriage, I suppose. [FYI: the first crew member who suggests I go get married will be marooned without any rum rations.] I’m going to try for something less combat-intensive and hunt for some good marriage stories: but I don’t want sappy ones. I want marriage stories.

 

Like one of my favorite married couples got into a fight about money (God, do couples fight about money!), and she was taking too long on her long-distance phone call. She hung up, they fought, then he went to bed while she finished up the dishes. Mistake. Still pissed, she eyed the cookie jar and knew he would be back in the middle of the night to get a cookie. She eyed the bedroom door, then the cookie jar—then promptly squirt Palmolive all over the cookies. She went to bed, justice served. Days pass; and not a word from him. She knew he must know, but he acted like everything was fine. Not a care in the world. Then three days later, after she thought the moment had passed, she took a bite of her sandwich at lunch (he frequently packed it for her—again, saving money), just as her husband called. She couldn’t spit it out fast enough. Paybacks are hell. This is my Adam & Eve couple. I mean, these two love each other to death—but they’re so mean. I love it. I may have to do a Jane Goodall. I wonder if they’d mind….

 

Please tell me your best ANNOYING marriage story, for the sake of my writing research. And just what is a wife supposed to do anyway? I mean, I see that 50s Handbook, but that was clearly written by a crack addict. Is it me, or does it seem like marriage is just a daily test in practicing not killing someone else who is completely neurotic?

 

And how do you write characters who aren’t like you at all? I mean, I know fiction writing is lying, but I’m not a very good liar. I’m a great exaggerator, but a poor liar. All my lies are truths in masquerade…but how do you write a lie when you have no truth to base it on?

Hellion: Hullo, one and all! As promised, Angie Fox is joining us today on the ship. *pokes Jack in the back to make him stop ogling her like a truffle at a confectioner* Jack, behave yourself.

 

Angie: That’s okay. I like the bad boys.

 

Jack: *kissing the back of Angie’s hand, smiling roguishly* I am behaving myself. Come, dear, have a seat and I’ll share a spot of rum with you. *leading her to one of the cushy chairs in the Captain’s Quarters* One shot or two?

 

Angie: Now I do believe you’re trying to take advantage.

 

Hellion: *sighing* Every chance he gets.

 

Jack: That’s a luv. *pouring her a glass* So tell me, luv, what is your pirating style?

 

Angie: It’s the black boots, isn’t it? I’m not really a pirate. I’m just trying to match my book cover.

 

Hellion: *slapping Jack on the back of the head* I’m sorry, Angie, he’s a bit of a flirt. Something about romance novelists and he completely loses his head.

 

Jack: *leaning forward* But not before you lost yours, if you know what I mean, lass.

 

Hellion: I’m afraid we do. Angie, what is your pirating style? In writing, that is. Are you a plotter, a pantser, or a combination of the two—a plantser?

 

Angie: Just call me a plantser. I like to know where the story is going, but not too much because when I’m having fun, that’s when the story itself takes on a lot more energy.

 

With The Accidental Demon Slayer, I started with a kernel of an idea that amused me. What if a straight laced preschool teacher suddenly learns she’s a demon slayer? And what if she has to learn about her powers on the run from a fifth level demon? Ohhh and wouldn’t it be fun if she’s running with her long-lost Grandma’s gang of geriatric biker witches?

 

I started writing and let the story evolve based on the characters and that central issue of what happens when a reluctant heroine is thrust into a series of extraordinary situations. And I knew the story was working when I couldn’t wait to get back to the keyboard every day.

 

Jack: Ah, not with the writing questions already, Hellie. You’re work-work-work, all the time. *pouting, pouring another jigger of rum*

 

Hellion: He’s fine. Just pretend he’s a prop. You know, like a cushion or something.

 

Angie: That’s some cushion.

 

Hellion: *knowing laugh* Yes, he can be. *holding up a finger to Jack* Not another word. *Jack sits back sullenly, tugging at one of Hellion’s red curls* We love Call Stories—what was yours?

 

Angie: The first 50 pages of the manuscript had won a contest, and the editor who judged it wanted to see the rest of the book. Problem was, it wasn’t finished. Not even close. So I hurried up and wrote the last eight chapters and emailed it off on a Thursday. A few days later, the phone rang and it was a 212 (New York) area code. I assumed it was one of the agents who had the partial manuscript. Nope. It was the editor. She read it over the weekend and wanted to publish The Accidental Demon Slayer. I was stunned at how fast it happened.

 

We had friends coming to stay (with their three children), so I did a quick “yay, yay, yay!” and then I had to go scrub toilets and get the rest of the house ready.

 

Hellion: Holy cow! That’s the most amazing Call Story I’ve heard yet. That’s like a whirlwind marriage—and it’s certainly proof to get your butt in gear if you’re asked to submit a full manuscript and you don’t have it done. It is possible to sell your book right away. Wow. *shakes head* Okay, well, let’s talk about your book. Your debut novel is The Accidental Demon Slayer. You have a very entertaining Ordinary World opening…

 

Jack: Oh, here we go again with the Joseph Campbell again….

 

Hellion: …thrust into a Call to Adventure/Inciting Incident (i.e. preschool teacher discovers she’s a demon slayer)—why a demon slayer? What is it about paranormal or demons that draws you? Any authors or shows you draw your inspiration from?

 

Angie: I wish I could say something profound here, but really, I just tend to write what makes me smile. I read widely – a lot of historical romance, cozy mysteries, contemporaries, paranormals, biographies. Most of the TV I watch is straight comedy (The Office, My Name is Earl, any and all Seinfeld re-runs). I think a great way to draw inspiration is to think of what you haven’t seen.

 

As for the question of – why paranormals? My favorite part is building new worlds and making up my own rules.

 

For example, when I sat down to write The Accidental Demon Slayer, I had no notes about a sidekick for my heroine. But in the second chapter, when Lizzie learns she’s a demon slayer and there are some very scary, very angry creatures on her tail, she takes comfort in her dog. As I was writing, I thought, ‘This is a sweet moment. Now how do I throw her off?’

 

I made the dog say something to her. Nothing big. After all, he’s only after the fettuccine from last week. And he knows exactly where Lizzie can find it (back of the fridge, to the left of the lettuce crisper, behind the mustard). It amused me, so I did it. Thanks to her unholy powers, Lizzie can now understand her smart-mouthed Jack Russell Terrier. Where else can you do that but in a paranormal?

 

Hellion: *laughs* Nowhere. Clearly “mad, bad, and dangerous” men are your favorite kind. (Well, I don’t recall a single kind and sensitive villain (a.k.a Evil Guy who happens to be a shapeshifting griffin) in my acquaintance, at any rate.) Why do you think women find bad boys so fascinating? Why do you think we’ll fall in love with your hero?

 

Angie: Dimitri is a Greek shapeshifting griffin, and what I love about him is that he’s incredibly strong. He can be an alpha male, but what sets him apart is that he’s not only a protector, but he’s also intensely loyal. Griffins were used as a symbol of marriage in the medieval church because they mate for life. So here I can have this rock of a man who hasn’t been sleeping around, who really is looking for his life mate and will know how to treat her right once he’s found her. To me, that’s sexy.

 

Hellion: *fans herself with her question cards* Griffins mate for life, eh? I’ve to look into getting me one of those.

 

Jack: What are you saying, Hellie?

 

Hellion: *patting his leg* Nothing, sweetie, have some rum. *turning back to Angie* Your voice is more romantic comedy (versus the broody gothic paranormals that seem popular now)—how hard was it to break into the genre? (I keep hearing Romantic Comedy is dead, so it’s always uplifting to see proof humor is alive and kicking.)

 

Angie: You know, I also heard romantic comedy is dead, funny paranormals too. Thank goodness I only heard that after The Accidental Demon Slayer sold. But I couldn’t have written it differently. This had to be a quirky book in order to tell the story I needed to tell.

 

As far as the state of the industry, I have to think funny books are becoming popular again. The booksellers I’ve met have been very positive. The Accidental Demon Slayer also hit the NY Times Bestseller list a week after it was released. Hopefully, editors will see that readers are indeed interested in light paranormals.

 

Hellion: You mentioned that! Congratulations—I see that you’ve slipped up even higher on the list this week to #31! That’s awesome! Now, I also know you were/are a journalist/journalism major. What might we learn from journalism that would make us better novelists?

 

Angie: One of my MU J-school professors used to say, “Don’t waste a single word. You have to have a reason for every word you write.” It makes sense for a radio or TV piece (where you might only have thirty or sixty seconds), and also for novels. MU taught me how to write tight.

 

Hellion: Yeah, a lot of us around here need to learn how to do that more. Stop poking me, Jack. *slaps at his chest* Tell us more about The Accidental Demon Slayer. And I’m particularly curious—is Grandma based off anyone you know? (Does your granny ride a harley?)

 

Angie: Oh my, no. My grandmother doesn’t ride a Harley. In fact, when I set out to write The Accidental Demon Slayer, I’d never been on a motorcycle before. I also had to figure out how to get Pirate the dog onto a bike.

 

I went online and learned about the Biker Dogs Motorcycle Club, made up exclusively of Harley riders and their dogs. I ended up meeting some of them, along with a few other bikers along the way. These bikers were so great to me. They hoisted me onto the back of their Harleys (with dogs in tow). They took me to biker rallies (note to self: don’t wear pink). And they laughed at me when I tried to put my helmet on backwards (I still say I was distracted by the Pomeranian wearing a tiny pair of motorcycle glasses).

 

After a few outings with my new biker friends, I was able to make my geriatric biker witch characters a lot more realistic. And I took home some great pictures, too.

 

Hellion: *laughs* That sounds like a blast. And I love Pirate the dog…very cool name. Did you go to RWA this year? If so, did you meet any authors in particular that made you have a Fan Girl moment?

 

Angie: Oh yes, fan girl moments were plentiful. Excuse me if I gush, but it was really fun to meet Sherrilyn Kenyon. She’s so open and warm. When I told her my first book had just come out, you would have thought she was the one who published it. We did the link-y, jump-y hand thing while she asked all kinds of questions and was truly excited. It was really neat. I know now why her books are so moving because she’s 100% present in whatever she’s doing.

 

Then I got to meet Vickie Lewis Thompson, which was a thrill because I love her nerd series. Of course I wasted no time telling her that. We talked about what we were both working on and then (fan girl) I had her sign a book. And I’ll always treasure it because she used the opportunity to write a personal congrats for Demon Slayer, which was really sweet.

 

Then I was able to sit down at dinner with Jennifer Ashley (I love her Immortals) and Marjorie Liu (like there’d ever be enough time to gush to her). Both of them were really great.

 

Hands down – the best part about having a book out is getting to meet the authors on my keeper shelf.

 

Hellion: Jack would want to ask you how you like your rum…

 

Jack: Particularly if you like it horizontal or vertical. *winces at Hellion as she slaps him in the arm*

 

Hellion: But since I know you’re from my hometown too, I have to ask you how you like your Shakespeare’s Pizza?

 

Angie: Wheat crust, pepper jack cheese, with sausage and onion and a cold beer.

 

Hellion: I want to thank you again for interviewing with us today. And I totally have to give a shout out to Kimberly Killion for recommending it. It’s just really cool to visit with all you guys. I hope you’re able to stay and answer some questions from the crew. *slaps a hand over Jack’s mouth* None from you. Crew—what questions have you got for the funny and wild Angie Fox?

I wrote about three different blogs and had to scrap them because I was contemplating my navel too much.

Therefore I suppose there’s nothing else for it: parody time. And maybe, just maybe, it’ll be a little bit inspirational to you as you hum along.

If not, at least be grateful I spared you the reading of my navel lint and its philosophical meaning to the rest of the Universe.

I’m taking it nice and easy,
It’s going to be so breezy
For me to write this book.
Hey, now, what’s my hurry?
Relax, I shouldn’t worry,
My opening’s going to be off the hook!
I’m on the road to getting published
That’s safe to say
But I better finish it or they’ll never pay
The problem now of course is
To figure out what my plot is of course is
To write nothing would be a crime
But nice & easy does it every time.

 I hope Old Blue Eyes isn’t spinning too quickly in his grave. Frank, you know I love you!

Question of the Day: What little lies do you tell yourself in order to accomplish the tasks you have for yourself? Whether it’s writing a book or giving birth…after all, neither of those cases is it “nice & easy”. Well, except for maybe Terri…What little pep talks (LIES) do you tell yourself to get it done?

*ship is abuzz with rumors of THE Teresa Medeiros being interviewed today; as a cabin door opens, the buzz dies and out of the dark depths emerges*

 

Captain Jack Sparrow: *waxing the left side of his mustache with one hand, he staggers over to a big cushy chair and sits* ‘Ello me lovelies, have you missed me? It has been a while since I’ve been above to visit you; but I insisted to Hellion that I should be the one to do the interview today. Therefore, it is my very great honor to present you our guest of honor, NYT’s bestseller and beloved romance author, Teresa Medeiros!

 

*much clapping and screaming from crew and fans; Hellion spies Teresa and faints where she stands*

 

CJS: *pointing at Hellion* Is she still doing that?

 

Bos’n: ‘Fraid so. *helping Hellion to stand again, who looks faintly confused to be on the floor again and is rubbing her head*

 

CJS: *turning to Teresa and taking her hand to lead her to the chair across from him; he kisses her hand* Thank you, Teresa. It really is wonderful of you join us today. We’ve been buzzing about it for months….

 

Teresa:  *sits and offers Jack her other hand to kiss as well* I’d heard you were “buzzed,” Captain, but I thought that had more to do with the jug of rum in your hand. *crewmembers laugh, CJS looks…not the least abashed*

 

CJS: *his devilish smirk in place* Witty as well as beautiful. *kissing her other hand in an unseemly manner; sitting back down* So, let’s get the important question out of the way, shall we? Your fans are dying to know. Your eighteenth book, Some Like It Wicked, hit the shelves July 29^th; all of your books have been national bestsellers; and you’re a seven time RITA finalist: just how many times did you watch Pirates of the Caribbean? And will I get to play a part in any of your future novels? You know everyone loves a pirate. You could revisit that Thief of Hearts setting, you know. Everyone loves a sequel!

 

Teresa: I’ve lost count of the number of times I watched Pirates. I think Pirates and The Mummy both did an amazing job of bringing historical romance to vivid and pulse-pounding life. And it’s ironic that you would be chattering on and on about yourself because I’m already telling people that Simon, the hero of Some Like It Wicked, is a cross between Captain Jack Sparrow and Sawyer from Lost with a spritzer of Cary Grant splashed in to liven up the mix.  And it’s also amazing that you should mention Thief of Hearts because the first time I watched Pirates, I noticed a definite similarity between Captain Doom’s ship in Thief and the Black Pearl.  As far as I’m concerned, pirates are like a good Chanel suit.  They never go out of style!  

 

CJS: *tugging on the cuff of his jacket, flicking lint off his sleeve* Indeed. As I mentioned before, Some Like It Wicked, hit the shelves July 29^th. What is this book about? What is your favorite part about this book?

 

Teresa:  After doing the two vampire books, I’m celebrating my return to the Regency historical with Some Like It Wicked.  My heroine, Catriona Kincaid, goes looking for a hero but finds a man. Sir Simon Wescott is languishing in Newgate Prison when she asks him to escort her to the Highlands to help her find her missing brother and restore the honor of her clan.  She offers him both wealth and freedom but Simon has a more sensual prize in mind.  And of course my favorite part of the book is Simon, who’s a very bad boy but a real good man *Teresa gives CJS a knowing wink*.

 

CJS: *smirks back knowingly* Simon! I think I’ve met him. Complete pirate. The wenches here are going to go mad reading your novel, I can tell. It will be all I can do to keep up with them. *grins wickedly* And for that, I thank you. How important is a character’s name, do you think? I mean, clearly, I don’t believe my name could have been anything but *turns and smolders at the camera* Captain. Jack. Sparrow. *turns back and smolders at Teresa* But I’m curious if there was a special process you went through in picking out names? I did notice in your many, many novels a particular dearth of rakish heroes named Jack, for instance. Any particular reason why?

 

Teresa:  I have to confess that I’ve always had a fondness for those sweep-you-away classic romance names like Sebastian (Heather and Velvet), Gabriel (Yours Until Dawn) and Simon.  I’m not bashing the John’s, Edward’s and Jack’s of the world, mind you.  I think there was a rather famous “Jack” featured in Lisa Kleypas’s Suddenly You and one of my favorite heroes of all-time—besides you, of course—is Jack Bauer of 24.   

 

CJS: *grinning rakishly at her* Those dimples of yours are beguiling. *leans forward, looking at her through his eyelashes* What are the necessary things every hero must have? What is your favorite kind of hero to create? And do they look anything like me?

 

Teresa:   I look for the same qualities in a hero that I look for in a man—intelligence and a sense of humor.  There’s nothing sexier than a man who can make you laugh or who can laugh at himself.  And my favorite hero to create is a dangerous one. To me, the main conflict in a romance should always be between the hero and heroine so if the hero doesn’t pose an emotional (and sometimes physical) threat to the heroine, then the story loses steam. I like to write about men who have the power to either kiss or kill the heroine but who end up being unable to resist the kiss.  To me, that’s where the true emotional power of the story lies. 

 

CJS: Danger is my middle name, lass. No worries. *lounging back indolently* You frequently go to the RWA conferences, do you not? Can you tell us a little about what it’s like to attend one? And if Hellion ever gets to go to one, will it be okay if she stalks you? (She did it to me; she’s really completely harmless.) Of course, she’ll have a better time, I think, if she stops fainting. She’s going to give herself a coma.

 

Teresa:  *peering nervously around to see if Hellion is still lurking behind the potted plant* I’ve been attending the annual RWA conference since 1989 when I was (cough, cough) twelve. They have wonderful workshops where you can learn everything you need to know about writing and publishing.  The only problem now is that I never have time to go to any of them!  I’m too busy being wined and dined by my publisher and agent and eating and drinking with my friends.  Oh, wait a minute—that’s not a problem, is it?  It’s the best slumber party in the world! 

 

CJS: Maybe I should go to a conference. I love slumber parties! I, of course, am your biggest fan. (I am, for understandable reasons, most partial to Thief of Hearts; however, Nobody’s Darling is perhaps my second favorite, because of the “éclair scene”.) Do you have a particular book that is your favorite, or can you not bear to pick only one? Hellion’s favorite scene (she raves about it constantly) is in Whisper of Roses when Enid and Ranald get caught having sex. Which is ironic since she never laughed when we were caught having….

 

Teresa: Hellion! *turning to gape at the plant*  I’m shocked!  I would have sworn you were as pure as one of my heroines before she meets one of my heroes! 

 

Crewmembers: *laughing hysterically at thought that Hellion’s a virgin*

 

Hellion: Well, I wouldn’t say pure. But I wouldn’t say, impure either.

 

CJS: The priest didn’t understand your logic either, darling. Go back to your plant. *Hellion sticks her tongue out at Jack and releases the fronds*

 

Teresa: *turning back from the plant, looking bemused* And ah, yes, Billy Darling from Nobody’s Darling remains one of my all-time favorite heroes.  It’s the rocking chair scene I remember with great fondness *eyes glaze over as she sighs wistfully*.  And I can’t pick a favorite book because that would be like picking a favorite child.  I love each of them for different reasons. I love the dinner party scene where the lobsters escaped in Once An Angel and I’m very partial to Yours Until Dawn because I was so terribly, achingly in love with Gabriel by the time the book ended. And I have to humbly confess to sharing your fondness for Thief of Hearts.  I still swoon a little when I listen to Captain Doom’s theme (Unforgiven by Metallica).    

 

CJS: That sounds like my theme-song as well. I swear, you do a little light thievery and piracy and no one lets you forget it. How are you able to balance both sides of your writing life: the writing and the business? Those aspects seem completely opposite of each other. And how do you keep on top of fan mail, promotion, and all the other stuff that seems to be forgotten when newbies are pursuing the writing dream? (What was your biggest shock to adjust to in the writing business?)

 

Teresa:  I think the internet has brought a tremendous amount of work into the writing life that wasn’t there before. The best thing to do is compartmentalize the writing and keep it away from the promo aspects of the job as much as possible because it’s two separate sides of the brain.  I can no longer write on ANY computer that has a connection to the internet.  So instead of working in my beautiful office, I end up crammed into a corner of the bedroom writing on my laptop. (I like to think of it as “the magic box where I keep my book.”)  I think it’s very easy to get swept up in the promotion of your work, but you have to remember that if you don’t write, there won’t be anything to promote.  Balance is essential!  

 

CJS: I strive for balance in everything but my rum consumption. I could interview you all day. You’ve been such a wonderful guest, and so informative; however, I think we only have time for one more question before I turn it over to the crew for their questions and comments: Which of the POTC movies did you enjoy most and why?

 

Teresa: I’d have to say the first movie because you know what they say, Jack–There’s nothing like the first time!

 

CJS: *waxing his mustache in a happily embarrassed gesture* Indeed, luv, indeed. *turning to crew* Okay, your turn: what have you to ask THE Teresa Medeiros?

My one touch with modern pop culture is my BodyPump class. Our instructor’s daughter (she’s 14) creates the music compilations, and she’s not exactly a Brad Paisley fan. My current faves on the soundtrack right now is Miley Cyrus’s “See You Again” (since I’m so that person in the song) and Pussycat Dolls’s “When I Grow Up” (which is me when I was, you guessed it, 14.)

I’m assuming not everyone stays holed up in a cabin on a ship (and listens to Brad Paisley and watching POTC for the 400th time), but the lyrics are:

When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies

When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have Groupies

When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines

When I googled the lyrics, I got two different versions. One was “I wanna have groupies” and the other was “I wanna have boobies.”—at 14, I definitely wanted both.

Now, what’s funny about this song is that it’s got a “hail the conquering hero back to Rome” sort of lyric that follows. (In Rome, when the conquering hero was hailed in the street, he was riding in a chariot with this guy standing next to him…and the guy would say, as the people screamed like groupies, ‘This too shall pass.’ A sort of reality check to make sure you didn’t behave like a smug bastard, I guess.) So the reality check lyric that follows ‘I wanna have boobies’ (don’t we all?) is: be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

You just might get it.

Oscar Wilde, whom I adore because he was so damned witty, says something along this line: In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

It just strikes me that so much focus of conflict building is about denying your characters what they want. Deny, deny, deny. It’s a sound strategy; and it’s enough to keep you busy. But the fact is: just because you get “exactly what you asked for” doesn’t mean there isn’t conflict to be had. In fact, it almost takes less work for conflict to occur when you get what you want than when you don’t get what you want. If you’re denied, you just work harder to get it. You focus, you buckle down, you wait for the opportune moment—and when the flag lowers…you snag the booty.

Look, all you ever wanted. Now what?

Think Wile E. Coyote who finds he has the roadrunner clutched between his fingers, and then he realizes he’s just run off a cliff. Beep, Beep.

Which is about the time you go: “Shit. What do we do now?” Why? Because there are still problems. There are always going to be problems. There is always something new, exciting, annoying and overwhelming to deal with. And usually whatever it is you wanted, comes with Bigger Problems. Don’t worry–I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end (the best stories always do), but don’t think it’s clear sailing from here.

After all, it’s a lot harder to keep what you wished for once you get it than it generally takes to just get it. And not only is it hard to keep, sometimes it morphs into something else you didn’t exactly anticipate. It’s hard to deal with the whole picture when you’ve been focused on, oh, the camera this whole time. It’s great character development.

We make our characters suffer so they earn their heart’s most desperate desire–and they have to be “worthy” of it, but this is also a chance to reveal that they are worthy of it. Only those who understand the cost of getting exactly what they want will do what is necessary to make sure they don’t destroy it…or themselves.

Just for a change of pace, feel free to break that “deny-deny-deny” rule and give your characters exactly what they wished for. Then make them deal with it. I mean, think about it: what would you do if you had everything you ever wished for?

Frankly I don’t know what I’d be doing about a pony now…and I don’t want a Mustang because I live somewhere where it snows. Never mind the insurance premiums! And I bet if I had the boobs I always wanted, it would be a PITA doing that move in BodyPump where you flip the bar and push the weight over your head. The bar kinda catches now and throws off the movement.

Have you ever gotten something you ever wished for and after the initial “Yeah!”, went: “F–, what do I do now?” Do you prefer to deny your characters or give them exactly what they wished for? Or somewhere in between? Can anyone think of any book examples (I’m pulling a blank) of where getting what you wished for caused more problems? (The only example I’ve got is that joke email about Lord of the Rings where they say, “Some people will go to any lengths to get a ring; others, having had one for awhile, will go to any lengths to chuck it into a volcano.”)