What is so bloody terrifying about getting things wrong now and then? Or then and now? I mean, seldom is any one decision made that would result in the end of the world as we know it. Most mistakes are back-out-able.

It’s not like I’m looking at two buttons and one is nuclear annihilation and the other is lasagna instead of pizza…

Mistakes happen! All the bloody time! But nothing that will result in death, not by me.

Now, some people see mistakes as an opportunity to change things around.

Me? I see mistakes as those first steps on the road to oblivion. (But I’m working on that! As you’ll see by the end of this blog.)

Was it the kindergarten teacher who made me stand in a corner because I covered an eraser with Elmer’s glue? (No, I don’t know why I did this. I seem to remember thinking it was mad clever of me…) The sense of standing in that corner, face to the wall, sobbing in humiliation, is still with me.

Damn, I was a sensitive little thing.

Truth be told, I still am. Just a bit better at removing myself from the reach of teachers like that, who thrive on public humiliation as the answer to all bad decisions.

I recently finished a class on harvesting the prolific while dodging procrastination and fear. It was a good class. One of the lessons Hillary Rettig addressed was the issue of sensitivity and the importance not of being thicker skinned but of acknowledging my sensitivity and giving myself permission to be that way. (Convoluted enough for ya, there?) After all, the best writing is one where we feel the author truly dove into the depth of human emotions…

So?

How does an author with a thick skin, forcibly applied in order to face a harsh world, going to go there? The point being that those of us who cry easy, who understand and face our fears while still scared shitless…we can reach those depths much easier than someone who does the stiff upper lip and convinces themselves they don’t care. Or that it doesn’t matter.

We care and it does matter. (Sometimes it doesn’t matter as much as we think it does, but it still matters.)

It also is incredibly frightening to live with that. But oddly empowering. I think empathy comes easier to the sensitive sorts.

But damn it. I do hate making mistakes and fear being called on them. I wish more teachers would encourage mistakes as learning opportunities!

Terrio has been so gracious to me, saying she wishes she could hit the emotional triggers I hit and her words fill me with appreciation for what I can do. (It also pissed me off, because she can do it, too!) But I thought of her words when Hillary wrote of not running from our sensitivity.

I recently completed the final read through of book three of the Kraken’s Caribbean, The Pirate Circus. (Out this Friday, btw.) Now, I have a real love/hate relationship with track changes in word. I adore how it can encourage learning how to edit and what to watch for and it can be so fast! I also loath how I’m never sure I’m doing it right.

I mean, I began my career as an author tangling with track changes to such an extent it took three editors at Decadent to figure out what I did.

When I screw up, I screw up good!

So, The Pirate Circus is my sixth book and I still dreaded opening that program and getting started. Because I knew I would make mistakes.

I also know, from my editors, that it’s okay and as long as I don’t manage to redo the first screw up, I’m fine…they can work it all out… (At this point, they could probably figure it out if I did do the multi-layering highlighting again.)

So, I pushed through this final edit. After nearly half a day of dithering away my time on e-mail, Facebook…blogging… Anything but having to open that program.

Fear, I won again and beat you! And hitting send was a great sensation.

But I’m sure I missed a few things. It’s inevitable. And maybe, someday, somewhere…a budding writer will be reading and grin at a mistake they notice. And feel emboldened that if the great Maureen O. Betita can screw it up and get better, so can she!

Silver lining, that’s me!

What mistakes do you see moving into the future and turning into someone else’s learning experience? If not your own? You able to push through that fear of mistake thing and move forward? What’s your secret? Are you sensitive? Or thick skinned? Or secretly sensitive despite the appearance of having a thick skin?

Yup, my new writing motto and my experiences from Her Royal Majesty’s Steampunk Symposium, where I spend last weekend, No Boundaries! Is it any wonder I can’t seem to get enough when it comes to the aesthetics of steampunk?

I admit, I haven’t read every steampunk classic out there. Not the modern classics, like Cherri Priest’s books, or the old classics, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. (I probably did read that at some point, but I don’t remember it.) (Not that uncommon for me when it comes to the books I read as a young woman. Or…now…)

But with steampunk, it doesn’t really matter. They embrace those who read, those who get their fix from comics (Girl Genius) http://girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php, from Online dramas, radio shows, movies (old and new)…or just because they like to make costumes! We are all equal in the eyes of Cthulhu.

Ah, Cthulhu…the many tentacled elder god of time before time began. Who sleeps, beneath the sea, waiting for his time to rise and end the realm of man, drive them insane with the terror of his visage… The scourge of…

Oh, sorry, flash back to the Cthulhu Prayer Breakfast at the convention… The sermon was actually on tolerance… Imagine that!

So, the convention was held aboard the Queen Mary. The original luxury cruise ship of the Cunard Line. She is a museum and tourist attraction in Long Beach now, after a very good life on the Atlantic. It was a stellar place to hold a steampunk convention and I find myself envying the regular tourists…who climbed aboard to wander about and found us…the alt Victorians parading about in finery.

And odd goggles, strange looking guns, fairies in cages… Yeah, I imagine it was a kick. I actually ran into a young couple who had come Friday for a tour, discovered our convention and…stayed. They bailed on the plans to get to Medieval Times, bought tickets for the con, shopped for costumes in the vendor’s room and came back on Saturday for a full day of playing with the steampunk crowd. They were from New York! Watching them dance Saturday, at the ball was priceless…

Yes, there is something magnetic about this genre.

My husband, who hasn’t gone with me to a convention of any type since The Gathering, a big Lord of the Rings con held the weekend Return of the King premiered, 2003, came with me and is very excited to go with me to Seattle’s SteamCon, in October. He is already planning his costume… It involves goggles made of portholes.

He’s a sailor type…

I had a great time at the Symposium, met some great people and let’s face it…nothing like handing a bookmark to someone at a vendor table and having them screech that they were looking for you! My book had been recommended to her some weeks prior to the con… Color me extremely flattered and tickled! (I sold her a book, needless to say!)

I met a pirate from Chicago who I’m considering employing to dazzle the crowds at the RT Bookfair in April… Delightful man! Goes by the name of BlueBeard!

Did I attend any panels? One. Yup, just on. Why? Well, this convention did a bad job of organizing the panels and making it easy to figure out what was what. Meaning…they didn’t provide a detailed program. What did they do right? Musical acts everywhere. A timely series of meals, a very nice vendor room and a great venue.

Music? Yes! Music! Groups and individuals performed in the salon, open from 10am until 1am, offering refreshments, a place to put your feet up and just listen… The dances had larger groups, one was fascinating…three guys who did the whole animatronic steampowered musical group to the max. I mean, awesome. Steam Powered Giraffe.

So, to see all my pictures, visit my FB page, but here are some of them. One of my ideas was to play with the idea of desert steampunk and I think it came out nicely! I added the vest, bought from a vendor at the con. The dress was part of my ‘found costume’ luck and purchased at Macys on my b-day. The boots came from Payless. The gun in the pic is my husband’s…I got a new gun at the con, but it needs some real work to be made desert worthy…

The next big steampunk con I’m headed for is in Seattle, in October and the theme is Victorian Monsters. You know, Jack the Ripper, Dracula, Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde…not sure what I’m gonna come up with…maybe something krakenish…

That’s the thing about steampunk, it can be so many things! What might you do given a chance to create a fantasy character with some steampunk elements? Let your imagination fly! It’s steampunk, there are no boundaries… Steampunk cowboy? Steampirate? Steamchef? A vet to mythological steampunk creatures?

Or if you like , just ask me about the con…I’ll chatter!

I’m a big fan of Rob Brezny’s astrological forecasts, and yes…it is 6 days since the official New Year dawned, but this is just too good to offer as a way to welcome 2012.

Firstly, I’ve been reading Rob’s Free Will Astrology for a lotta years. Always enjoyed them and found a real serendipity to his write ups. He really nails Sagittarius and makes me think with his philosophical interpretations of what the stars say.

And this was a great challenge. He called it anti-resolutions. I suppose they are…though I see them more as personal social revolutions… I’ve been thinking a lot about his challenge here…

Time to create your New Year’s ANTI-resolutions. 1. What outlandish urges and controversial tendencies do you promise to cultivate in the coming months? 2. What problems do you promise to exploit in order to have even more fun as you make the status quo accountable for its corruption? 3. What boring rules and traditions will you thumb your nose at, paving the way for exciting encounters with strange attractors?       Rob Brezny’s Free Will Astrology

Number One is intriguing and probably the one I’d most like to play with. What outlandish urges and controversial tendencies do you promise to cultivate in the coming months?  Outlandish urges? I’d like to drink a bit and actually stay at the theme parties at the Romantic Times Booklovers Conventions and … dance.

Yes, for me, that is an outlandish challenge. Why? Well, as I came to understand as I watched the ladies at Moonlight and Magnolias strut their stuff…I don’t know any of the current dance moves. It just wasn’t how we danced…uh…long ago and far away. I mean, we listened to the music and we moved, period. The more chaotic the music, the better. The louder, the better.

Sigh.

Now it’s actual moves and steps and … it’s organized!

I don’t dance organized. I mean, at the M&M convention, J. Perry was challenged to dance to “Sweet Home Alabama” and refused…said she could dance to that type of music. Now, I don’t country dance/line dance/swing/jive/disco…etc. But I could have managed that song better than the dance mix almost rap stuff.

Generally, at RT, once the music gets going, I tend to leave the ballroom. I’m…shy.

*bows my head

Really. Fear of looking a fool is my Achilles heel.

So, that is the one I’m going to tackle.

Number Two? What problems do you promise to exploit in order to have even more fun as you make the status quo accountable for its corruption?  I don’t know… I can think of a few examples where the status quo needs exploiting, whether it’s corrupt or not. But I don’t have any particular ideas on how to exploit without finding my ass in the grass. But I’m working on it… I mean, I hate being ignored as a professional, something that is status quo problem for me. How to challenge that without getting a reputation as ‘difficult’ is my trick to figure out.

Number Three. What boring rules and traditions will you thumb your nose at, paving the way for exciting encounters with strange attractors?

I know this may astound, but I do tend to follow rules. Social rules. So this one is another that I have to contemplate and consider. I do like the idea of exciting encounters with strange attractors and thumbing my nose at traditions… I have a lot of conventions I go to, with a lot of rules and traditions…perhaps it’s time to shake my adherence to them? The rules, not the conventions.

I discard writing and genre rules easily enough…

See, this why I like Rob, he makes me think!

Which of these three challenges are you up for in 2012? And if not doing, writing about… Want to see them again?

Time to create your New Year’s ANTI-resolutions. 1. What outlandish urges and controversial tendencies do you promise to cultivate in the coming months? 2. What problems do you promise to exploit in order to have even more fun as you make the status quo accountable for its corruption? 3. What boring rules and traditions will you thumb your nose at, paving the way for exciting encounters with strange attractors?       Rob Brezny’s Free Will Astrology

But the ship, she still be here, bobbin’ on the gentle swells. The decorations still be sparkling, the tinsel hangin’ from the lines, the empty rum bottles tinklin’ as they roll inta each other. Aye, the Revenge bash was one fer the record books.

Sin? Well, she sinned. Repeatedly.

The Bo’sun nearly swallowed her whistle, laughing with Hellion as Jack and Hector tried to play the romance cover model and had a pose off.  (The pictures have been burnt to protect the innocent.)

Marn and Hal brought their young’uns, though put them ta bed early on ta enjoy the debauchery without hindrance. Who knew the kraken could be such a good kid sitter?

Scape, bein’ new ta the ship, brought cookies, which just inspired fightin’ over who got ta eat them. Next time she’ll know that a dozen dozen ain’t enough… We forgave her and the Assassin took over distrubutin’ the goodies. Which meant she got ‘em all.

Bitch.

Now, me? I stayed behind me bar, watchin’ the frivolity and usin’ me hidden camera now and then. (Ah, these pics may be useful in 2012!) I been feelin’ a bit overwhelmed with the year a’ 2011. So much good stuff, so much so-so stuff… Bein’ a published author ain’t fer sissies!

I arranged me pirate booty on the bar and let them sparkle fer me.

I want ta wish me pirate sister’s the brightest a’ 2012… I walked inta last year full a confidence and conviction and I’m workin’ the same mojo fer 2012.

I talked ta Pirate Santa as we shared some Kraken Rum, ‘bout me wishes fer the crew this year…

Fer Hellion – I wish yer heart’s ease, many more merry moments wit’ yer Da, and Deerhunter.

Fer the Bo’sun – I wish a Golden Heart and agent! You, go, girl!

Fer Sin! I wish a glittery ice pick, all bedazzled with real rubies and diamonds!

Fer Marn – Let’s see ya in print this year! The boys stay healthy and always in love wit’ pirates!

Fer Hal – Nothin’ but good news and health!

Fer Scape – Yer special girl, and ya got ta believe in yerself. Fer ya, I wish a year a’ believin’ and trustin’ in yer voice.

Fer the Assassin – I’m hopin’ ta see all those wild stories I hear ya been hoardin’ in print!

J. Perry, Santa, and Lisa…the pirates who been landbound too long, hope ta see ya climb aboard a bit more this year! Yer missed!

Me? I want ta set the world on fire! Oh, and be selected fer that reality show fer writers…

May the kraken be wit’ ya all! Save travels taday and all the weekend!

If’n there by any question fer taday…what would ya ask Pirate Santa ta give yer mates?

Whoohoo! Today the new Sherlock Holmes opens and I’m so looking forward to this second movie. Hoping for lots of explosions, smart-ass comments, some fisticuffs…and phenomenal costumes. And music.

Now, I do think of Sherlock Holmes as an archetype. The second fictional consulting detective. (Yes, the second…the first was written by Edgar Allen Poe. But Arthur Conan Doyle caught fire with Holmes.) Homes, the man who has no use for women, understands body language like no one else, reads clues and extrapolates details that seem invisible to the normal eye, until explained. Well-mannered when needed, rude when not. (House really is remarkably like him, but with much less charm IMHO.)

There have been how many cinematic adaptations of the character? Wikipedia lists 75 actors having played the character in 211 films. And I bet that is out of date. I have to agree with Wiki that Jeremy Brett played the best of any I’ve ever seen. The most true to the books and Gods, that man can act. I even liked the two different actors who played his Watson.

I can’t tell you how many novels/short stories I’ve read. All the original Doyle’s and probably several dozen written by others. From putting Holmes in space to modern settings…writers love to toy with this character.

So do actors. Robert Downey, Jr. and Guy Ritchie are doing something bizarre and captivating…and borrowing heavily from suppositions about Holmes. And darn it, the movies are just plain old fun!

Archetypes…literary characters that are reinvented by the adaptors. Holmes is one of my favorites. (I also enjoy how Tarzan has been revisioned over and over again. And the Three Musketeers…another of my fav. Oh, and Robin Hood!)

Now, I’m not a massive Darcy fan. Though sheer ignorance…please, stop throwing rum bottles at me! I haven’t read the book or seen enough of the movies to have an opinion, but I’m sure you all do… If not…what of Holmes, Tarzan, Darcy…what of Dracula, Frankenstein? Ebenezer Scrooge? Have you a favorite? Have you characters where the changes have infuriated you? (I have always felt that way about several of the Holmes…btw.)

Have you a character you can imagine redone? That you would like to see redone? Can anyone think of a female archetype redone? (Other than Miss Marple?) (Agatha Christie if you aren’t familiar… Interesting how it’s often mystery characters that are redone again and again…) Though there are several adaptions of Emma.

Okay, there is Peter Pan… And gods, how often has Johnny done this? Willy Wonka, Sweeny Todd, Ichabod Crane and soon…Barnabas Collins, (who could be said to be Dracula…) And who is Jack Sparrow a recreation of? Errol Flynn’s Captain Blood?

Okay, he’s probably an original!

You see, it isn’t just a new actor…it’s the new story, the new vision of the character… It’s fan fiction, taken to the professional level!

Even the Kraken has been imagined in many ways. From the stop motion photography of the great Ray Harryhausen, to the latest Clash of the Immortals, to Pirates of the Caribbean, to my fine fella… And wow, how zombies have changed!

Can you think of any other archetype characters I’ve missed?

I really do love television, especially the quirky little series. I’m a fan of characters, in general, that is what I watch for. A good role and actor will totally suck me in. But it’s the twisty little ways my mind absorbs and then juggles plots about that inspires me. Until I begin to wonder…how many hidden agendas are out in TVLand? Not to mention LitLand.

For one thing, scifi/fantasy has always been accused of planting hidden agendas in their stories. Whether they end up on video or in books. One case in point? Avatar. The pope himself raised objections to the propaganda underneath the film…that a living planet bound the natives together without a ‘big guy in the sky’ premise.

I laughed. (Not at the notion, I thought Mr. Pope had it pretty spot on, but at the objection.)

Now, I’m watching Terra Nova. It’s on Fox, so I figured it would have all sorts of ‘global warming is nonsense’ at the most and at the least, make the colony, sent to a prehistoric past to give mankind a second chance, terribly earnest and religious.

Surprise!

Nope. The future air is nearly unbreathable, it’s a totalitarian world and those who first started the colony, though bound by a military sense of honor, are not wound up in God stuff. And the big bad in this series, other than the occasional ravaging dinosaur, is the merchants in the future, who want to mine the past, strip it of resources to bring to the dying future.

Okay, I can see wanting to save the world simply because they want to save the world, but from the hints dropped, it isn’t for saving the world…it’s for profit and power. And the way they manipulate the agents they sneak into the past…by holding their children hostage? Ugly.

I’m a huge fan of the guy in charge, Colonel Taylor. Who, surprise! Was the really evil guy in Avatar. In fact, I think Stephen Lang would be a fabulous Captain Silvestri when the movie version of The Kraken’s Mirror comes out…

But I digress as I drool…

I’m watching this show and finding myself looking for the agenda and the propaganda. I do the same with Fringe and Haven and a handful of other scifi/techy shows. I find the hidden messages do seem more prevalent in these type of shows. I suppose because the hidden message of something like The Big Bang Theory is more obvious, brainy guys can be sexy. (Except Sheldon.)

A series like Revenge, who my friend Jane got me hooked on, is a nice little exercise in vengeance and so it’s fun. But I’m not sure there is any major social message embedded in the very rich reaping what they sew.

Books have often been accused of preaching philosophies. I admit it, mine are full of the things that I believe in. But I hope it’s simply part of the plot and not seen as an attempt to proselytize. I don’t think we can help it, it’s human nature to ‘speak’ of what moves you to tears or makes you want to take up arms.

And sometimes that is simply the idea of a second chance at love and life.

And sometimes it’s about fleeing to past to escape the consequences of what a species has done to the present…

The season finale is coming up on Terra Nova and I have a bad feeling about it. The bad guys are gonna take over the colony and from hints dropped, more kids are going back to the future to keep their parents in line. I hate things like that, just makes me feel sick. I may tape it and watch it later. I know it’s a plot development that makes it all more personal, but still…

I’d rather watch them fight dinos. Especially Stephen Lang.

And if they kill him off I’m not going to watch the show anymore.

Now, back to agendas…do you have any hidden messages in your writing? Come on, fess up! You sneaking in some life lessons into your books? Ever read a book that you felt pounded a viewpoint on you? Or seen a movie that you left wondering why they bothered with a story?

My confession? Oh, big on the environmental stuff. Down on organized religion. Liberal viewpoints of my characters, I’m all over my books!

Not just the kraken that lingers near the Revenge, feasting on our many inner critics, though that be a worthy mission and I know we all appreciate it a great deal. And he’s been working overtime lately, in fact, I’m a little worried he’s gonna get a bit fat and slow. I must remember to invite Nessie over to help him burn off some calories…

Yes, the stress of holidays and dealing with people I want to gently call idiots. (Yes, gently, because the other words I want to use are much more vulgar, so idiot is the gentle term.) I’ve been dangling at the edge of my rope lately and eyeing Sin’s ice picks…and of course, the bar.

Ah, the bar.

How much would I have to drink to put it all behind me and relax? Not a riddle. I mean, really. How much?

Anyway, the kraken has been by my side, or dangling above my head and settling his great slimy tentacles upon my shoulders in comfort.

(Anyone have any more slime removal solvent? I ran out partway through November…)

But the kraken has been good to me and in his own eight brained way, has offered up some words of advice…

When in doubt, toss the irritant overboard. He’s right, my life belongs to me and I’m in charge of who boards. The sea is full of challenges and let the irritant deal with them, not me. Or me deal with them.

It is possible to partition the brain and set things aside, even without eight tentacles. Yup, distraction can be my friend. One of my best distractions from the idiots of life is writing. Especially writing diabolical endings for said idiots.

Camouflage is your friend. (Not just the sexy underwear store downtown in Santa Cruz.) Yes, my ability to blend in and just slip under the radar is my friend. Not sure it’s the best advice for my current situation, but in the months to come it may very well become a paramount talent to work.

Now, to honor his greatness, I’m giving away a kraken ornament.

Showing his primary place in my world, atop it. Clutching it…one could say he’s riding it, others could say he’s holding it safe in an uncertain universe. Your choice. All the details are on my blog, but strangers may be boarding the Revenge today for a chance to enter. So be nice, crew!

And tell me, what lessons do you think the kraken has to teach you? Or me!

I like leaving things hanging a bit in my writing. I suppose because in RL, I don’t worry too much anymore about the drive to understand every why of every action that impacts my life…I don’t so much subscribe to the old “Shit Happens” bumpersticker. I’m not that cynical. I used to say “Magic Happens” but I’ve grown up a bit less mystical. (Not that I don’t disbelieve, in the long run, that all of it isn’t magic. (Hee, hee, triple negative!) Just takes time and distance to discover what that spell was.)

Anyway!

But I do know that, well…stuff happens. And in RL you don’t always know why. Hell, sometimes you don’t even know how!

But that is RL. Now, with books…it’s tricky to have things just happen to characters without some closure. I mean, one can leave some things hanging, but not the big things. I mean, if the husband leaving the wife and family is a central plot point in the book, I suppose an author better deal with it to some extent. (I might not, but that is me.) (Twisted.)

If the question is why did she drink so much at the party and then dance with that guy she hated…well, that might be important, it might not. The dancing with the guy is the important part, right? Not the why did she get drunk in the first place. I mean, I’d be asking does she really hate him? Why did he ask her? Does it matter with what happens next? (And yes, I might include it even if it didn’t relate directly to what happens next…because it might communicate something about her. Or him.)

Now, I tend to leave threads hanging in my books. Sometimes, it’s because I forgot they were there.

Guilty as charged.

Sometimes, it’s because I’m leaving things for the next book.

BWH HA HA!

Sometimes, well, I’m making a point. Not knowing and dealing with the not knowing is an important life lesson for a character to learn.

Randomness happens, ya know!?

I don’t think I would shy away from leaving most anything unanswered, if I decided I had a reason for it. I’m a bit stubborn with that.

For example, in my books, I keep being asked to tell the story in detail of Davis, the werewolf. And I shrug. Could be I don’t know his story yet… Sometimes it’s a mystery and that’s why questions are unanswered. I’ve insinuated that he’s important to the pack on Tortuga, but never gone into the details. But I’d dangled…why is he important?

Sometimes you don’t know!

Yet!

During the editing of book three, my editor wanted me use the term undead in place of vampire. And I said, “No. I haven’t decided if the vampires are undead yet.” Hey, sometimes I’m learning the story as I go and this is something I haven’t quite figured out yet about the vampires of the Kraken’s Caribbean.

I left a big thread hanging after the third book with a new character, Lee. And my editor, when I said I was thinking of a short for Lee, e-mailed me back, practically screaming, “YES!” at the top of her lungs. She hadn’t asked about it, but it was obviously on her mind.

Nice to make her so happy!

What do you think is unforgivable when it comes to dangling threads? To not answering the big WHY question? Have you done it? And do you know why?

And this got me thinking about what it means to be broken. And why is it the hero gets to be flawed, but I think a’ the heroine as broken. I’m not sure if this says somethin’ about me or about the concepts in general.

Aye, me heroines are broken. And generally they are managing just fine ta survive and even ta thrive. But they be broken, nevertheless. Sometimes it be emotionally. OK, usually it be emotionally. Though I’ve written a few with physical difficulties that…ok, generally cause emotionally areas a’ breakage. Damn it.

When you really think about it, what is worse, being flawed or being broken? I know when I used to shop for fabric with my mother, flawed fabric isn’t something that can be mended or fixed. It can be cut around, it can be incorporated into the pattern, but you can’t really mend it. When broken…say, you need two yards and all there is 1.5 yards…well, you’re just screwed and have to find another fabric. Or another project if you really, really like it.

But a flaw? I like flawed fabric, a dye job that ran or weaving that fractured can be worked into a project. Which, when thinking about a hero is sorta funny. Women seem ta adore the idea a’ working around a flaw, even making a flaw a key bit of magic when it comes to a character.

Men? They want ta fix things…mend them. Honestly, sit down with a guy and talk about something that is bothering ya and generally they’ll come up with all sorts a’ ways ta fix it. They won’t really work around a break, they want ta fix it. Even flawed heroes want ta fix (mend) things.

Now, with women who are broken, we are more likely to work with what we have. Hence the fabric metaphor. We change projects, we add a border of a different fabric.

So, to sum…a guy will toss the break or fix it. A woman will diddle with the flawed and work with it. (Yes, I said diddle. Get yer mind outta the gutter!)

Okay, realizing not everyone understand what a flawed bit of fabric is, though I sorta explained above…oftimes, the end of a bolt of fabric will be flawed. Usually because of a dye problem. Sometimes, it happens within the bolt (of fabric.) Likely something fell into the vat or the mechanical process was interrupted… You can end up with some pretty interesting things as a result of flaws. In The Kraken’s Mirror, Emily adores the bit of flawed silk she pulls out of the ship the Quill raids. And with Alan’s help, she ends up with a show-stopping gown for the pirate ball.

He sorta ‘fixes’ the flaw by stealing her fabric, just enough for a skirt, and incorporating it into an entire outfit. He’s a fixer.

Now that I’ve wandered off course, let me see if I can pull this back so I actually reach anchorage…

Are flawed and broken the same to you? Do you agree with me that the two words carry subtle differences and tend to be divided by gender? Or is this just me prejudice coming through?

Though I find myself thinking me heroines aren’t always broken, but they are bent…(outta the gutter!) Maybe broken means something different to me. Like ‘breaking’ a tomato just means it might not make a sandwich, but damned good sauce. Or if you toss it into the compost, it makes more tomatoes…

It’s Friday, I’m fried…maybe very, very broken.

So, I sent off my third book for the final polish this week. The third of the Kraken’s Caribbean series, The Pirate Circus is basically out of my hands. I get one more look at it, checking for typos and the like…but for the most part…she’s free now.

Wow. What a year. Six books. Three novels, three shorts. All out there, floundering, swimming, sinking, sailing… I have no idea what will 2012 will bring. My agent has two novels in submission and we’re gonna talk next week about the numerous projects I have on my laptop at present. (Reminds me, I need to back up…)

Autumn always has me reflecting on things. It’s a gathering/harvest sort of time of the year for me. (Anything to avoid contemplating the next two months of holiday frenzy. Run away! Run away!)

Last month, at my ICD support group – interior cardio defibrillator, my personal little EMT battery powered pack in my chest… The coordinator asked all of us if we think about the anniversary of the incident that saw us with our little device.

Most don’t. I do.

Consider… 2007, April. I was doing okay. I wasn’t in the best shape mentally. I was doing really good with Weight Watchers, but there was a lot of family stuff that made life a bit harsh. Dad was failing (he passed a few months later), Sister, Last Chance, and I were on the outs in a big way… Husband’s job was looking dicey.

Then I tried to die. April 22, 2007. Changed my life.

Flash forward to April 22, 2008. I remember sitting in the hotel room in Pittsburgh, looking out at a sparkling city, having arrived at the Romantic Times Booklovers Convention. I was getting ready to go downstairs and meet the other aspiring authors. My first convention, my first acknowledgement of wanting to be published. (It was hard to keep my hand away from my left shoulder, where I could feel my ICD, ready for me if I needed it.)

Next April 22, 2009. Orlando…RT again. I pitched to agents and editors. Got requests, too! (Still knew my ICD was there, but not so sensitive about it.)

April 22, 2010. Columbus…RT was over, I was on the way home. I’d pitched again…and one of those pitches was to Saritza Hernandez, who would offer me representation a few months later. (Wandered around Columbus not paying attention to my scar.)

April 22, 2011. Los Angeles, RT. I was signing postcards for my e-books. The next day, signing the print editions of The Kraken’s Mirror. (If asked about the scar, just told my story.)

April 22, 2012? RT will be in Chicago and early that year…I’ll be home after another convention by the 22^nd, probably still unpacking and trying to figure out where to put all the stuff I brought home.

What a wild last few years!

It’s autumn, six months from my April anniversary, but this is the time of the year for thoughtful reflection. April is crazy for me, I barely think about anything but RT on this month! I think about who I am and how far I’ve come in Autumn.

We all have those dates. The dates that live in infamy…but they aren’t always a pivot point for failure. Even those that frighten us the most can, in the end, be our biggest rocket fuel. The death of a loved one, the birth of a child…the day we found out we had cancer…or are clear of cancer. They can carry equal weight. Though we tend as a society to dwell more on the dark moments.

But like what we write, those dark moments are necessary to illuminate the bright and are often the substantial kick in the ass our characters need to get their acts together and live.

It worked that way for me. Though I never wish such a drastic boot in the ass for anyone!

Really, pay attention and learn from the slap on the cheek, not the gun in the gut! Let the almighty, the great guru, whatever you believe in, communicate with the cheek tap…not the boot in the butt. Listen! Trust me, it’s easier to just listen and pay attention to the small stuff then to get the stuffing kicked out of you!

So! What is your date? Or the date of your character if you don’t want to share too much…