Tomorrow is July 14^th and that means it’s Bastille Day here on the ship.  I’m sure you thought we were only American pirates, but no.  We are International Pirates and with one of the greatest pirates to ever sail the seas being French, we must honor this day.  In case you haven’t figured it out, that’s Jean Lafitte.  His true origins are sketchy but the name sounds French and we’re going with it.

Anyvous, Bastille Day celebrates the raiding of Bastille prison by Parisian peasants on July 14, 1789. This is basically the French version of our 4^th of July.  And it also happens to be my daughter Isabelle’s birthday.  See, she even has a French name in celebration.  (Happy Birthday, Isabelle.  And you better not be reading this blog!) 

In order to celebrate the day, I thought we should add a Hottie Frenchman to the crew.  And so I went searching.  It’s actually more difficult to find a French Hottie than you’d think.  At least from this side of the water.  But in my *cough*hour*cough* of scoping out pictures of potential candidates, I came across the French Rugby Team.  Turns out they do a Hottie award winning calendar every year called Gods of the Stadium.  Does this look good or what?

I even found video of the making of the calendar.  More than one.  Audition tapes if you will.  I had to check them out, you know, in the name of research.  Gosh, this is such a tough job. *bigevilgrin*

This Tuesday, July 15, we are excited to welcome Megan Kelly to talk about her new Harlequin American Romance, The Fake Fiancee. This story is for all the moms out there who give all to their families. The hero is trying to avoid his matchmaking mama by bringing home a fake fiancee; and the heroine agrees to pose as his soon-to-be wife in order to earn money to get her son into a special program. If you like your stories sweeter, your characters more real–Megan is the author you need to add to your list of must-haves. Plus Megan and Hellion used to be in the same local writing chapter–total “dish the dirt” potential!

So join us this Tuesday with Guest Pirate, Megan Kelly and try not to hurt yourself today Googling the French Rugby Team.  I highly recommend finding those videos.  They are completely in French so I have no idea what they are saying, but that really doesn’t matter anyway.

Let me start off by introducing myself.  This is NOT Bo’sun Terrio.  This is Bo’sun Terrio’s muse.  It seems the lure of 4^th of July sales has left the Bo’sun too busy to be bothered with this blog.  The damn woman is out dropping dollars like she drops modifiers.  It’s not pretty.

Luckily, she left me with the Hottie Casting couch and I do believe I found the perfect candidate for this holiday weekend.  You can’t celebrate Independence Day without a flag.  Of course not.  I’ve dubbed this one Patriot Buns.

Now I know what you’re thinking.  “What flag?!”  If you keep looking, you’re bound to notice it eventually.  Not that I have to tell you to keep looking.  Hey, are you still reading?  I’m down here?  The words, damn it!  Look at the words!

Anyway, we have a great Guest Blogger line up for the rest of the summer.  Mark these dates on your calendar.

July 11 – Erotica author Dee S. Knight brings out her sister, Anne Krist (it’s really Dee but don’t tell anybody) to talk about her latest sweet release Burning Bridges.

July 15 – Contemporary Harlequin Romance author Megan Kelly hops aboard to talk about her latest Harlequin release The Fake Fiance.  With a title like that, how could you NOT be intrigued?

August 12 - Teresa Medeiros (yes, THE Teresa Medeiros) joins the crew for a day to talk about her much anticipated summer release, Some Like It Wicked.  Which Bo’sun just happened to win an ARC of on the Eloisa James/Julia Quinn Bulletin Board Auction.  Huzzah!

August 19 – We hop over to the Paranormal realm when Angie Fox drops by bringing danger, demons and…a biker grandma?  Join us to talk about The Accidental Demon Slayer and be prepared to laugh your eye patch off.

August 26 – Everybody bring your Kevlar and your Girl Scout Cookie money for an all day party with Leslie Langtry.  We’ll be talking about the next release in her Bombay Family series, Stand By Your Hitman.  And since she and the Captain are identical twins separated at birth, I’m sure we’ll veer onto many other topics, all hysterical.

August 29 – We scored a major GET (as the network talk shows would call it) on this one.  The wonderful and talented Candace Camp will be visiting to dish on the latest release in her Matchmakers series, The Wedding Challenge. Personally, I think she gets kudos right away for writing a Historical WITHOUT the word “Duke” in the title.  Just sayin’…

More big names on the calendar after Labor Day including Christie Craig & Faye Hughes, Mindy Klasky and Loucinda McGary.  Plus, we’re always looking to add more fantastic guest pirates to the ranks. Check back often for more Guest Blogger updates.

Now, feel free to go stare at the flag a little longer. 

Today’s Hottie additions were inspired by this week’s guest blogger.  Kimberly Killion will be with us Tuesday to celebrate the release of her debut novel, Her One Desire, the story of an executioner’s daughter and a Scottish Lord on the run together in 1483 England.  What does this mean for you?  It means I’m going medieval on your….arse.

First let me say, I know 1483 isn’t exactly medieval, but I’m going with it anyway.  This is about Hotties, not historical accuracy.  Now you know why I write Contemporaries.  Anyway, on with the hotness.

I decided we don’t have enough knights on this crew.  And you can never have just ONE knight.  How are you going to form a Templar with only one knight?  So I found a few to fill out the ranks. 

We start with the Knight we’d most love to cuddle up next to.  Or twirl around on the dance floor with while Queen plays over by the fire.  Next we move onto his enemy.  This Knight may be smug and conniving, but he’s still pretty to look at.  If we keep these two separated I think they’ll be fine.

Our next Hottie deserved two shots.  And I’m pretty sure he’s going to feel right at home on a pirate ship.   You have to admit, the size of his sword is pretty dang impressive.

Since the hero of Her One Desire is a Scottish Lord, I decided to round out today’s Hotties with a little kilt action.  Now THAT’S an impressive sword.

Just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, Kimberly Killion will be joining us this Tuesday, July 1^st, for an in depth interview with our very own Captain Hellion.  Sassy, sexy, and toting a Scottish Hottie, you won’t want to miss this one.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve seen the subject of Last of the Mohicans brought up several times.  Mostly ladies extolling the lovely attributes of one Daniel Day Lewis’ portrayal of Hawkeye.  I admit I’ve never watched this movie all the way through. *ducks banana peels*  And I probably couldn’t recognize the soundtrack music if I had to either. *ducks whole banana*  Well, I might recognize it as something I should know but couldn’t put my finger on it.

Anyway, since there seems to be some fantastic scene under a waterfall or something, I figure I’d better add it to my Netflix so I can join the DDL fan club.  Consider it done.  Now, with all this swooning over the movie, I figured it must be a sign.  It’s high time we add a Mohican of our own to the crew.  I give you……Hawk. 

What do you think?  LOL!  Can we keep him, huh, can we keep him?  I’ll keep him real busy so you won’t even know he’s here.  Well, there might be some *noise* coming from my cabin from time to time, but y’all should be used to that by now.

Moving on.  This weekend marks the official first day of summer which means yes, we’ve had heat waves, wide-spread tornadoes, incredible flooding and numerous wild fires and it wasn’t even summer yet.  Doesn’t that leave you excited about what might be in store from here? 

Reminder that coming up in July we have not one, not two but THREE terrific guest bloggers coming your way. Historical author Kimberly Killion’s interview with Captain Jack pulls into port on the 2^nd.  Erotica author (and CP extraordinaire) Dee S. Knight hops aboard on the 8^th, and Harlequin American Romance author Megan Kelly joins the crew on the 15^th.  And don’t forget Santa O’Byrne and I will be reporting back from the RWA National Convention in San Francisco the first week of August.

Plus, in the months ahead we have more fantastic authors such as Leslie Langtry, Teresa Medeiros, and the team of Christie Craig and Faye Hughes.  I’m telling you, this ship just gets better and better!  Now, be honest, can Hawk stay?

Well, the Bo’sun left me in charge of hotties this week and as I don’t have her interviewing skills *ahem* I figured I would focus in on the theme of the day:  Dad.  So, I thought we could check in on some of our favorite celebrity daddies.

  Here’s Ben Cohen with his daughter.  I love chubby babies, don’t you?  What, that isn’t what you were looking at?

And here’s Jude Law with his kids.  It’s good to practice the basic safety rules, like holding hands when you cross the street.  Oh, that’s not what you noticed?  Truly, though, teaching safety starts at home, no matter how hot you are. 

  I hope these two are wearing sunscreen.  Did you know that more than 1 million Americans will be diagnosed with skin cancer this year?  Use your Banana Boat, people.  Hugh Jackman has decided to sport the beard as a UV blocking device.  Smart man.  What, you weren’t looking at the beard?

Patrick Dempsey’s twins are incredibly sweet, but I do hope that they don’t sleep in this fashion very often.  Though, my son had to sleep elevated for the first 8 months of his life (acid reflux), I can’t imagine it is comfortable.  You didn’t even notice there were babies in this picture, did you?  Seriously…. 

 And our crew’s favorite papa, the Captain, with his daughter Lily-Rose.  I am certain there is more than one wench on the boat who would play peak-a-boo with Captain Jack.  Though, I would advise against offering.  Our Hellion can be, well, a hellion when it comes to sharing her darling.

So, to all the hottie dads out there, including my favorite hubby, Happy Father’s Day!!

Kimberly Killion will be joining us on July 1st to hype up her debut, the historical novel, Her One Desire.  We have an escaped Scottish warrior, an executioner’s daughter out to clear her father’s name, and bad guys to make you bite your nails to the quick. We’ll be interviewing her and she’ll be letting us in on how it feels to finally be published!  Don’t miss it!

I don’t think we have enough sport here on the ship.  Yes, yes, I know what you all are saying.  What the hell has she been smoking now?  But stay with me here.  I believe you’ll see the pay off by the end. 

It’s redundant to say we’re a lazy lot.  We are pirates after all.  But physical activity, exertion if you will, is a great way to get the mind working.  Get the juices flowing.  (Don’t get ahead of me now.)  Get the imagination working to get words down on paper.  So, I’ve decided we need to add a trainer of sorts to the crew.  Ladies, meet Murphy.

As you can see, Murphy is a Rugby player.  (Or perhaps you haven’t found the Rugby ball in this picture which is totally understandable.)  This may seem like an odd sport with which to start, but have you ever watched Rugby?  There are no helmets.  No shoulder pads.  No whining over something silly like a broken finger or severed leg.  No, these players are tough.  Just like Pirates.

So this week we’ll begin learning the Rugby ropes from Murphy and by fall we should be ready to hit the field for real.  (Side note: I have no idea what time of year Rugby is played but for the sake of eye candy like Murphy, I’m willing to learn.)

Now, everyone please be ready on the top deck by noon and we’ll get started fulfilling every wenches goal of being an athletic supporter.

I am super excited to announce The Romance Writer’s Revenge is kicking June off with a bang.  Tomorrow, Toni Blake will be joining us once again and this time she’s talking writing as acting.  Be sure to be here and give Toni another warm, Pirate welcome, and don’t forget to pick up her latest release, Letters to a Secret Lover.

Also this month, we’ll be welcoming Loucinda McGary on Friday the 13^th.  *cue eerie music*  Loucinda’s first novel, The Wild Sight, will be hitting shelves Oct 1^st and who better to have on Friday the 13^th than an author who writes about second sight and wonderful Irish folklore?! For your own introduction to Loucinda’s work and the hero of her first book, Donovan O’Shea, whom I have totally called dibs on, check out her website today.

With all the parties we throw around here, Bo the Bartender demanded I bring him in some kind of assistance.  I’m sure he meant get some of those tiny little waitresses in skimpy outfits.  But if he thinks that would ever happen, he’s smokin’ something.  In my all too generous way, I found two perfectly good, able bodied assistants for dear Bo.  Oh yeah…

Since you can never have too many margaritas, it was important to find someone to man the blender.  Brad here seems to have that well in hand.  Or maybe in lap.  Either way, the only problem I’ve found since adding Brad to the crew is the fight amongst the girls who gets to lick the pitcher.

With so many guests passing through the ship, I felt it important to provide really good room service.  I think it’s pretty obvious that Jason here is the man for the job.  Oh yeah, I’ll have a shot of Absolute….straight up.  As *ahem* talented as he is, I’m having a bit of trouble with how long it takes Jason to return to the Galley once he’s sent out on delivery.  For some reason, he’s often gone for hours.  The fact he’s usually found in my cabin means nothing.

We have such a great line up for the next two months.  First up, this Friday, we bring back one of our favorite guest bloggers and an honorary Pirate Wench Santa O’Byrne.  And I’m happy to say that Santa has agreed to help me send back updates from the RWA National Conference from San Francisco the first week of August.

On the schedule for June we have Toni Blake making a return visit on the 2^nd and my new best friend (at least until she sends back my pages with red slashes all over them) Loucinda McGary will be my first interview victi…err…..guest on Friday the 13th!  Loucinda is a regular at the Romance Bandits blog, has her own personal blog and is on a mission to hit every internet site she can possibly find before her debut book hits shelves Oct. 1.  Who are we to stand in the way of that?

July is going to be hot, hot, hot with Historical author Kimberly Killion on the 1^st, Erotica author Dee S. Knight on the 8^th and Contemporary Harlequin author Megan Kelly on the 15^th.  Clearly, RWR is the place to be this summer!

With Memorial Day (here in the US) only a week away being the unofficial signal that summer has begun, what kind of vacation/summer plans are in store for everyone?  Gas prices have you staying home?  Hitting the beach come Hell or $4 gas prices?  Or are you priming the AC and all set to hide in the house?

When we were designing this new ship, one of the things we insisted upon was good plumbing.  I realize running water on a pirate ship probably sounds rather odd, be we’re very progressive pirates.  And the water is right there.  A very high-tech filtering system (we could tell you how it works if we knew but we don’t so we can’t) and an even higher-tech water heater (again who knows how this works) combine to provide the Romance Writers Revenge with working showers, a hot tub and a sauna.  All essential for writing pirates to stay motivated.

But having plumbing means we needed someone to take care of the new systems.  Regular tests, filter changes and some other, high-tech, tool requiring tasks have to be done.  And to be honest, when you have a plumber that looks like this, you don’t really mind those plumber pants.

This is Pete the Pirate Plumber.  He’s very thorough.  And he’s such a giver, he doesn’t mind letting us test the showers with him.  And he doesn’t ask questions when our shower head massagers have to be replaced monthly.

Thanks to everyone who came by last week to visit with Colette Gale. This week, we have another great author on the schedule.  Wednesday, May 14, the crew welcomes Harlequin Presents/Mills & Boon author Annie West to take the helm and sail us into Billionaire, Greek Tycoon, and Sheikh infested waters.  Let me tell you, if you’re looking for some major Alpha males, Annie writes them.  So mark your calendar now.

And don’t forget next week we bring back one of our favorite guest wenches, Santa O’Byrne on Friday, May 23.  Now, everybody in, the hot tub is open for business!  Oh, and Pete is already in checking the water temp.

Hey, you don’t have to knock me down, you trampy lushes…..

Welcome, Colette Gale aboard the RWR. She is joining us today, on the day of her new release Master, to tell us about the ins and out of writing erotica. Please give a hearty welcome to Colette! *yelling and screaming*

What I love most about her books is that she writes from characters we know and love–and gives them the happy endings we wished for them. (Anyone as unhappy as I was about Phantom of the Opera? She fixed it! And she did it with lots of hot, spicy scenes. Good thing my sheets are flame-retardant. Had to get those after Jack arrived….)

The first time I watched Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of the Opera, I was entranced. I loved it! I cried at the end, though, when Christine chose to go with Raoul instead of the Phantom. After all, it was obvious to me that they belonged together.

I saw the play over and over through the years, and its soundtrack became one of my favorites. When the movie version, starring Gerard Butler, came out, I hoped….hoped!…that Webber would give me that happy ending.

Alas, he did not.

So I set out to write my own happy ending…and that was my first foray into writing erotica.

I’ve always been a fan of erotic novels–I count among some of my favorite reads The Story of O, Ann Rice’s Sleeping Beauty series, and Bertrice Small’s ground-breakiing Skye O’Malley saga (ground-breaking because it was erotica, but marketed and sold as part of the romance genre).

All of these books influenced my writing when I sat down to work on what later came to be officially titled Unmasqued: An Erotic Novel of the Phantom of the Opera….but at the time was, really, just an experiment for me. Could I write erotica?

Well, apparently, I can, since my second erotic novel, Master: An Erotic Novel of the Count of Monte Cristo is released today!

So how and where do I get these ideas? Do my husband and I have a harp in our bedroom? Have we done all these things?

Er. Without divulging too much information…no. Sorry.

Just as writers of psychological thrillers, who often get inside the heads of their murderers–and victims–couldn’t possibly have done those things, so can I say that, no. Only in my fantasies.

Here’s the important thing about erotica: it is fantasy. Remembering that is key. Just because I (or you) fantasize about something doesn’t mean we really would want it to happen. Just because we have fantasies about forced seduction, bondage, menage a trois, etc., doesn’t mean that we would really indulge in those activities…although there are certainly people who do put their fantasies into play.

But my erotic novels are also romances at the very heart. There is one man and one woman who ride off into their Happily Ever After at the end of the book. That’s part of the story–that’s why I wrote Unmasqued and Master.

And even though there is a lot of sex (a lot of sex) in the books, every single sex scene has a purpose. It moves the plot and it demonstrates the relationship between the two main characters. Or, in the subplots that happen around the hero and heroine. In fact, my rule of thumb is: at least one orgasm per chapter. Someone gets the happy at least once in each chapter–and it’s not always the hero or heroine.

In fact, in my books, the hero and heroine can and do interact with other characters…but…and here’s the very subtle place where I draw the line: they never have intercourse with anyone but each other.

A very subtle split of hairs, I know, but that’s where the line is drawn.

So. I’m very excited to announce the release of my second erotic novel, Master, based on Alexandre Dumas’s The Count of Monte Cristo. It is a revenge love story and I absolutely loved writing it. I think it’s my favorite book, even moreso than the Phantom book because this one has three love stories entwined in it.

I’m late getting this blog post to the ship, so in apology, I’d like to offer a copy of Unmasqued and also a copy of Master as prizes today…along with my heartfelt apology for my tardiness, my thanks to the Yoho Ladies for having me, and my promise to stick around an answer ANY questions you might have!

Thanks so much for having me!

Colette

This ship is a mess.  What with all us Pirates jetting off to conferences and booksignings, workshops and historical sites.  We’ve just been to dang busy to polish the hoistings or dry clean the sails or swab the decks.  I really have no idea if those are things you do on a ship (except that swabbing thing) but you get my point.  We need a maid. 

But with this crew, I knew I couldn’t hire just any maid.  A maid for this ship has to be special.  Highly qualified.  In other words…..HOT.  And I do believe I found the perfect applicant.

This is Christian the Cleaning Boy.  I realize boy might not be the appropriate term, but he doesn’t seem to mind what I call him as long as I call it out loud and clear.  I never thought of myself as a screamer but let me tell you…..errrr…….nevermind.

Don’t forget this Tuesday the RWR crew is proud and excited to welcome Colette Gale to the ship.  Ms. Gale is the Erotica author of the much acclaimed, Unmasqued, a sensual and sexy new take on The Phantom of the Opera.  Her latest is Master, a powerful retelling of the story of The Count of Monte Cristo.  We hope you’ll come by and help us give Ms. Gale a warm Pirate welcome!

Now, anybody else suddenly feeling the urge to polish a knob?