I don’t think we have enough sport here on the ship.  Yes, yes, I know what you all are saying.  What the hell has she been smoking now?  But stay with me here.  I believe you’ll see the pay off by the end. 

It’s redundant to say we’re a lazy lot.  We are pirates after all.  But physical activity, exertion if you will, is a great way to get the mind working.  Get the juices flowing.  (Don’t get ahead of me now.)  Get the imagination working to get words down on paper.  So, I’ve decided we need to add a trainer of sorts to the crew.  Ladies, meet Murphy.

As you can see, Murphy is a Rugby player.  (Or perhaps you haven’t found the Rugby ball in this picture which is totally understandable.)  This may seem like an odd sport with which to start, but have you ever watched Rugby?  There are no helmets.  No shoulder pads.  No whining over something silly like a broken finger or severed leg.  No, these players are tough.  Just like Pirates.

So this week we’ll begin learning the Rugby ropes from Murphy and by fall we should be ready to hit the field for real.  (Side note: I have no idea what time of year Rugby is played but for the sake of eye candy like Murphy, I’m willing to learn.)

Now, everyone please be ready on the top deck by noon and we’ll get started fulfilling every wenches goal of being an athletic supporter.

I am super excited to announce The Romance Writer’s Revenge is kicking June off with a bang.  Tomorrow, Toni Blake will be joining us once again and this time she’s talking writing as acting.  Be sure to be here and give Toni another warm, Pirate welcome, and don’t forget to pick up her latest release, Letters to a Secret Lover.

Also this month, we’ll be welcoming Loucinda McGary on Friday the 13^th.  *cue eerie music*  Loucinda’s first novel, The Wild Sight, will be hitting shelves Oct 1^st and who better to have on Friday the 13^th than an author who writes about second sight and wonderful Irish folklore?! For your own introduction to Loucinda’s work and the hero of her first book, Donovan O’Shea, whom I have totally called dibs on, check out her website today.

With all the parties we throw around here, Bo the Bartender demanded I bring him in some kind of assistance.  I’m sure he meant get some of those tiny little waitresses in skimpy outfits.  But if he thinks that would ever happen, he’s smokin’ something.  In my all too generous way, I found two perfectly good, able bodied assistants for dear Bo.  Oh yeah…

Since you can never have too many margaritas, it was important to find someone to man the blender.  Brad here seems to have that well in hand.  Or maybe in lap.  Either way, the only problem I’ve found since adding Brad to the crew is the fight amongst the girls who gets to lick the pitcher.

With so many guests passing through the ship, I felt it important to provide really good room service.  I think it’s pretty obvious that Jason here is the man for the job.  Oh yeah, I’ll have a shot of Absolute….straight up.  As *ahem* talented as he is, I’m having a bit of trouble with how long it takes Jason to return to the Galley once he’s sent out on delivery.  For some reason, he’s often gone for hours.  The fact he’s usually found in my cabin means nothing.

We have such a great line up for the next two months.  First up, this Friday, we bring back one of our favorite guest bloggers and an honorary Pirate Wench Santa O’Byrne.  And I’m happy to say that Santa has agreed to help me send back updates from the RWA National Conference from San Francisco the first week of August.

On the schedule for June we have Toni Blake making a return visit on the 2^nd and my new best friend (at least until she sends back my pages with red slashes all over them) Loucinda McGary will be my first interview victi…err…..guest on Friday the 13th!  Loucinda is a regular at the Romance Bandits blog, has her own personal blog and is on a mission to hit every internet site she can possibly find before her debut book hits shelves Oct. 1.  Who are we to stand in the way of that?

July is going to be hot, hot, hot with Historical author Kimberly Killion on the 1^st, Erotica author Dee S. Knight on the 8^th and Contemporary Harlequin author Megan Kelly on the 15^th.  Clearly, RWR is the place to be this summer!

With Memorial Day (here in the US) only a week away being the unofficial signal that summer has begun, what kind of vacation/summer plans are in store for everyone?  Gas prices have you staying home?  Hitting the beach come Hell or $4 gas prices?  Or are you priming the AC and all set to hide in the house?

When we were designing this new ship, one of the things we insisted upon was good plumbing.  I realize running water on a pirate ship probably sounds rather odd, be we’re very progressive pirates.  And the water is right there.  A very high-tech filtering system (we could tell you how it works if we knew but we don’t so we can’t) and an even higher-tech water heater (again who knows how this works) combine to provide the Romance Writers Revenge with working showers, a hot tub and a sauna.  All essential for writing pirates to stay motivated.

But having plumbing means we needed someone to take care of the new systems.  Regular tests, filter changes and some other, high-tech, tool requiring tasks have to be done.  And to be honest, when you have a plumber that looks like this, you don’t really mind those plumber pants.

This is Pete the Pirate Plumber.  He’s very thorough.  And he’s such a giver, he doesn’t mind letting us test the showers with him.  And he doesn’t ask questions when our shower head massagers have to be replaced monthly.

Thanks to everyone who came by last week to visit with Colette Gale. This week, we have another great author on the schedule.  Wednesday, May 14, the crew welcomes Harlequin Presents/Mills & Boon author Annie West to take the helm and sail us into Billionaire, Greek Tycoon, and Sheikh infested waters.  Let me tell you, if you’re looking for some major Alpha males, Annie writes them.  So mark your calendar now.

And don’t forget next week we bring back one of our favorite guest wenches, Santa O’Byrne on Friday, May 23.  Now, everybody in, the hot tub is open for business!  Oh, and Pete is already in checking the water temp.

Hey, you don’t have to knock me down, you trampy lushes…..

Welcome, Colette Gale aboard the RWR. She is joining us today, on the day of her new release Master, to tell us about the ins and out of writing erotica. Please give a hearty welcome to Colette! *yelling and screaming*

What I love most about her books is that she writes from characters we know and love–and gives them the happy endings we wished for them. (Anyone as unhappy as I was about Phantom of the Opera? She fixed it! And she did it with lots of hot, spicy scenes. Good thing my sheets are flame-retardant. Had to get those after Jack arrived….)

The first time I watched Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of the Opera, I was entranced. I loved it! I cried at the end, though, when Christine chose to go with Raoul instead of the Phantom. After all, it was obvious to me that they belonged together.

I saw the play over and over through the years, and its soundtrack became one of my favorites. When the movie version, starring Gerard Butler, came out, I hoped….hoped!…that Webber would give me that happy ending.

Alas, he did not.

So I set out to write my own happy ending…and that was my first foray into writing erotica.

I’ve always been a fan of erotic novels–I count among some of my favorite reads The Story of O, Ann Rice’s Sleeping Beauty series, and Bertrice Small’s ground-breakiing Skye O’Malley saga (ground-breaking because it was erotica, but marketed and sold as part of the romance genre).

All of these books influenced my writing when I sat down to work on what later came to be officially titled Unmasqued: An Erotic Novel of the Phantom of the Opera….but at the time was, really, just an experiment for me. Could I write erotica?

Well, apparently, I can, since my second erotic novel, Master: An Erotic Novel of the Count of Monte Cristo is released today!

So how and where do I get these ideas? Do my husband and I have a harp in our bedroom? Have we done all these things?

Er. Without divulging too much information…no. Sorry.

Just as writers of psychological thrillers, who often get inside the heads of their murderers–and victims–couldn’t possibly have done those things, so can I say that, no. Only in my fantasies.

Here’s the important thing about erotica: it is fantasy. Remembering that is key. Just because I (or you) fantasize about something doesn’t mean we really would want it to happen. Just because we have fantasies about forced seduction, bondage, menage a trois, etc., doesn’t mean that we would really indulge in those activities…although there are certainly people who do put their fantasies into play.

But my erotic novels are also romances at the very heart. There is one man and one woman who ride off into their Happily Ever After at the end of the book. That’s part of the story–that’s why I wrote Unmasqued and Master.

And even though there is a lot of sex (a lot of sex) in the books, every single sex scene has a purpose. It moves the plot and it demonstrates the relationship between the two main characters. Or, in the subplots that happen around the hero and heroine. In fact, my rule of thumb is: at least one orgasm per chapter. Someone gets the happy at least once in each chapter–and it’s not always the hero or heroine.

In fact, in my books, the hero and heroine can and do interact with other characters…but…and here’s the very subtle place where I draw the line: they never have intercourse with anyone but each other.

A very subtle split of hairs, I know, but that’s where the line is drawn.

So. I’m very excited to announce the release of my second erotic novel, Master, based on Alexandre Dumas’s The Count of Monte Cristo. It is a revenge love story and I absolutely loved writing it. I think it’s my favorite book, even moreso than the Phantom book because this one has three love stories entwined in it.

I’m late getting this blog post to the ship, so in apology, I’d like to offer a copy of Unmasqued and also a copy of Master as prizes today…along with my heartfelt apology for my tardiness, my thanks to the Yoho Ladies for having me, and my promise to stick around an answer ANY questions you might have!

Thanks so much for having me!

Colette

This ship is a mess.  What with all us Pirates jetting off to conferences and booksignings, workshops and historical sites.  We’ve just been to dang busy to polish the hoistings or dry clean the sails or swab the decks.  I really have no idea if those are things you do on a ship (except that swabbing thing) but you get my point.  We need a maid. 

But with this crew, I knew I couldn’t hire just any maid.  A maid for this ship has to be special.  Highly qualified.  In other words…..HOT.  And I do believe I found the perfect applicant.

This is Christian the Cleaning Boy.  I realize boy might not be the appropriate term, but he doesn’t seem to mind what I call him as long as I call it out loud and clear.  I never thought of myself as a screamer but let me tell you…..errrr…….nevermind.

Don’t forget this Tuesday the RWR crew is proud and excited to welcome Colette Gale to the ship.  Ms. Gale is the Erotica author of the much acclaimed, Unmasqued, a sensual and sexy new take on The Phantom of the Opera.  Her latest is Master, a powerful retelling of the story of The Count of Monte Cristo.  We hope you’ll come by and help us give Ms. Gale a warm Pirate welcome!

Now, anybody else suddenly feeling the urge to polish a knob?

Between the temperatures getting warmer and being out here on the water all the time, swimming will soon become a lovely diversion here on the ship.  Because safety should always come first (and because I don’t know how to swim), I felt having a swim instructor as part of the crew was a must.  I interview many applicants as usual, but this one stood out from the rest.  I’m sure you’ll understand why.  I mean, you can practically see his…skill, right here in the picture.  I’m happy to introduce Solomon the Swim Instructor.

And before you all jump the poor boy at once there are a couple of rules.  Yes – bathing suits are mandatory during all lessons and No – Solomon rubbing sunblock all over you is not part of his duties.

This Monday we welcome Harlequin Intrigue author Dana Marton to the Romance Writer’s Revenge.  Dana writes about everything from FBI Agents to Sheiks and in her latest release, 72 Hours, Ms. Marton brings us into the world of International Spy Parker McCall.  Make plans to stop by tomorrow as we bring a little intrigue to the decks.

With our new digs and all the upgrades we’ve put into this new vessel, I realized we need some protection around here.  A watchdog of sorts.  Muscle.  After all, you can never have too much muscle, right?

This job opening worked out very well to rectify the little problem we came across on Friday.  The problem of two members on this crew NOT being familiar with one Mr. Gerard Butler.  Now, I know we’ve done some extensive trips out to sea and everyone should be devoted much of their attention to their WIPs, but come on.  Any Pirate with a pulse should not only be acquainted with but nurture a borderline obsessive affection for the man.

All of this means, Gerry is our latest addition to the crew.  Ladies, meet our *muscle*.

I wanted to really introduce him to the crew, make sure everyone gets a full understanding of his attributes.  So, I’m adding some extra pictures this week. 

You can see that we are in perfectly good hands.  And abs.  And those eyes….  Sorry, I drifted off there for a second.

Now, don’t forget that we have a very special guest on board tomorrow.  Our first guest blogger on the new ship is none other than Erotica author Lacey Alexander.  You might also know Lacey as her alter-ego Toni Blake who just happens to be a RITA nominee this year and the creator of my favorite hero – Jake Broussard.  Seriously, the man is PERFECTION. 

So come visit with Lacey/Toni as she talks about creativity, writing and she’s left the option open to talk about those hottie heroes she creates.  Trust me, this woman knows how to create men that cause instant drooling.  Kind of like Gerry does.